These are some of the lunatics that turn out for the Electric Yetis. More profiles needed!
PLAYERS:
Derek "The Cat" Marshall
Position: Goalkeeper/Emergency Centre Back
Apearances: 7
Goals: Yeah Like!
Claim to Fame: Once scored for Leicester Electra Reserves in a Hinckley and District Sunday League match.
Official Yeti "Big Bloke", Derek tends to play in goal unless others really want to. Played all three games at Euronet97 as a centre back, due to having 4 keepers in the squad. Regained his place for the match against Leeds in Feb 98. Possible rival to Porl Coulson for the Big Mouth award ? When not playing soccer, he plays hockey, often again in goal.
Paul "Porl" Coulson
Position: Forward
Appearances: 12
Goals: 2
Paul "PoRL" Coulson is widely known for his dribbling skills, however when
he's ON the pitch he tend's to hide his light under several tons of bushal.
Often compared to Gary Lineker ("Oi, PoRL - Compared to Lineker, you're
CRAP!"), he occasionaly injures his toe. Widely admired for his ability to
shout vociferously, seemingly without end.
Anne NOBBY Newbery
DOB : 6-3-69
Position : Will consider anything. On a football field though, my left foot is purely there for cosmetic purposes and consequently I can only play on the right, usually in a defensive role.
Official capacity : Player/Manager/Man-motivator/PR & Media Officer/Sock darner/Cook/Club Astronomer/Official Goal Celebrator
Appearances : 11 (loan)
Goals: 0
Other clubs : Reading Internet Royals (3 appearances, no goals, 2 Ravanelli goal celebrations)
Interesting features : yes!
Nobby's got a good footballing brain although, sadly, this has yet to communicate with her feet. A qualified FA Coach and Class 3 Referee, Nobby's
claim to fame has been appearing on 'Saturday Superstore' as a 14-year old and meeting Eusebio as a 28 year old (*she* was 28, not Eusebio). Other than
football, Nobby lists her interests as hamsters, chocolate and Northerners.
Toby "Tubs" Linnett
Position: Floater
Appearances: 1
Goals: 0
Likes: Rainbow
Dislikes: Soda Bread
Radio: Leicester Sound
Food: Seconds
Special Move: Touch of Death
Like Gazza Toby has got a dodgy knee, sadly those breasts ain't false.
Only appearance in 1-5 humiliation by Leeds forced him to leave the country in disgrace. Last
sighted in a 'Nam flashback.
Paul "Biff" Griffiths
Position: Libero
Appearances: 6
Goals: 0
Own Goals: 0
Penalties Conceded: 1
Likes: Smoking & ignorant people
Dislikes: Hotel California by the Eagles
Radio: Carbon dating
Food: Italian
Special Move: The Chop
Looks like Alan Smith, shoots like Scott Taylor, as pacey as Gary Parker, tackles like Gary Lineker, has got the physique of Stuart Wilson, the temperament of Steve Walsh on PCP and Steve Claridge's haircut.
Whadda ya mean is he Mark North?
Darren "Cusin Dern" Kearney
Position: Winger like we used ter ave in them good ole days
Appearances: 1
Goals: To make sure the future Mrs. Cusin Dern doesn't mind washing his socks and eating his food
Likes: Eating his cake and then having it. The Church of the Later Day Saints (for their sound business acumen). Tolerance. Footballers who say 'obviously'
Dislikes: Hotel California by the Eagles. Coronation Street
Radio: Telefis Eireann
Food: Whatever your're having
Special Move: The Shoulder Drop
A Zanetti wannabe, this boy has to improve. His hair is too long, he looks like a goddam girl. When is he gonna wise up?
First person to say Bob Geldof gets it!
Neil James
Age: 51ish
Sex: What, at my age? Next thing you'll be asking if I play footy.
Position: Full back; has played goalie. (Definitely not a wing back - too old to get up the wing, or anything else).
Appearances: 6
Goals: 0
Footy Experience: Played in most positions in very low level local Sunday league till I got too old (35). Occasional "guest" appearances since (i.e. they were desperate). Still play fun 5-a-side at work.
Key Features: Produces players for Electric Yetis. Always late for kick-off and for tackles. Also see under "Handicaps" below.
Handicaps: Old, bald, half-blind, slow, unfit. Otherwise brilliant.
Originally from Loughborough. A "pop" side supporter from early childhood. Lives in Stockport now. Computer programmer with ICL.
David James
Age: 24
Sex: I just don't ask.
Position: Anywhere he can get a game.
Appearances: 4
Goals: 0
Footy Experience: School, inter-departmental games, occasional 5-a-side.
Key Features: Young, strong on the boozing front, talks a lot.
Handicaps: Slow, unfit, learnt all he knows from his Dad.
A City supporter by parental influence. Architect student at Liverpool (will design the new super City stadium, if you like).
Alison James
Age: 26
Sex: I really don't like to ask.
Position: Er, er, somewhere, anywhere.
Appearances: 3
Goals: 0
Footy Experience: Univ women's football club, Internet 97, watches Stockport County.
Key Features: All the usual female ones. Keen. Nags me and David.
Handicaps: Female, unfit, learnt all she knows from her Dad (and from watching Brett Angell's a**e).
City support is in her genes (oo er). Bank Manager, currently working in London. Video records and edits footy games.
Ian Brownsword
Age: In his thirties.
Sex: ??
Position: Prefers attacking midfield.
Appearances: 3
Goals: 0
Footy experience: In the last 10 years has played a lot of 11 and 5-side friendlies.
Key Features: Fairly fit, good ball control, a good passer of the ball if given about 10 minutes to do it. Reads the game well.
Handicaps: Appears to be asleep most of the time.
Works at ICL in Manchester too. Claims to be a furtive Arsenal supporter but I think he only says it to wind me up. A recalcitrant Brummie (insists he's from somewhere called Solihull).
Bernie Muollo
Location: Normally New Zealand, but flies over for Yeti matches.
Position: Winger
Appearances: 4
Goals: 0
Bernie is a petite little left winger (shades of Guppy?) and plays in NZ Central League division 2.
Chris Hubmann
Position: Central Defender
Location: Normally New Zealand, but flies over for Yeti matches.
Appearances: 1
Goals: 0
Chris is about 6ft 6 and built like the proverbrial brick outhouse (According to FIF). Also plays in NZ Central League division 2. I am told that if he and David shaved their heads they would look like Matt Elliott and Spencer Prior! Unfortunately was injured in the first game of the LUG tournament and was unable to play any further part in the days play. Hope to see him back soon.
David Grice
Position: Right Wing
Location: Normally New Zealand, but flies over for Yeti matches.
Appearances: 4
Goals: 1
Exactly the same as Chris, above ! (Mainly due to me having never met them, and going on other peoples descriptions :)
John "Comris" Vale
Age: Neolithic
Position: Stryker (of the yard)
Appearances: 0
Goals: 0
Sponsors: Subaru (well it's better than f**king Walkers).
Role Model: Frank Zappa
Claim to fame: In only appearance to date, of three "receives", managed three entirely misdirected passes. Otherwise avoided all contact with ball.
Length of Penis: 2" (flaccid) 6" (erect)*
