The following quotes
were taken from actual medical records as dictated by physicians...
By the time
he was admitted, his rapid heart had stopped, and he was feeling better.
Patient has
chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.
On the second
day the knee was better and on the third day it had completely disappeared.
She has had
no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in
bed last night.
The patient
has been depressed ever since she began seeing me in 1983.
Patient was
released to outpatient department without dressing.
I have suggested
that he loosen his pants before standing, and then, when he stands with
the help of his wife, they should fall to the floor.
The patient
is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.
Discharge
status: Alive but without permission.
The patient
will need disposition, and therefore we will get Dr. Blank to dispose of
him.
Healthy appearing
decrepit 69 year-old male, mentally alert but forgetful.
The patient
refused an autopsy.
The patient
has no past history of suicides.
The patient
expired on the floor uneventfully.
Patient has
left his white blood cells at another hospital.
The patient's
past medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40 pound
weight gain in the past three days.
She slipped
on the ice and apparently her legs went in separate directions in early
December.
The patient
experienced sudden onset of severe shortness of breath with a picture of
acute pulmonary edema at home while having sex which gradually deteriorated
in the emergency room.
The patient
had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.
Between you
and me, we ought to be able to get this lady pregnant.
The patient
was in his usual state of good health until his airplane ran out of gas
and crashed.
Since she
can't get pregnant with her husband, I thought you would like to work her
up.
She is numb
from her toes down.
While in the
ER, she was examined, X-rated and sent home.
The skin was
moist and dry.
Occasional,
constant, infrequent headaches.
Coming from
Detroit, this man has no children.
Patient was
alert and unresponsive.
When she fainted,
her eyes rolled around the room.
MD during
a physical exam, stated, in my ears, "I am unable to arouse this woman",
personally, I really don't think he should have bragged about it.
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