Lawyer Jokes
Q: What do you get when you cross the Godfather with
a lawyer?
A: An offer you can't understand.
Q: What is the difference between a lawyer and a catfish?
A: One is a scumsucking bottom dweller and the other
is a fish.
Q: What do you have if three lawyers are buried to their
necks in cement?
A: Not enough cement.
Q: Why are lawyers like nuclear missiles?
A: If one side has one, the other side has to have one.
Once launched, they can rarely be recalled. Once they
land, they screw up
everything forever.
Q: What happens when you breed a snake with a lawyer?
A: Nothing. There are some things even a snake won't
do.
Q: What do a lawyer and a sperm cell have in common?
A: A 2,000,000 to 1 chance of becoming a human being!
Q: What do you get when you cross a crooked politician
with a crooked lawyer?
A: Chelsea Clinton.
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Engineer Joke (Joke
of the Day)
An engineer dies and reports to the pearly gates.
St. Peter checks his dossier and says, "Ah, you're an engineer -- you're
in the
wrong place."
So the engineer reports to the gates of hell and is let
in. Pretty soon, the engineer gets dissatisfied with the level of
comfort in
hell, and starts designing and building improvements.
After a while, they've got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators,
and
the engineer is a pretty popular guy.
One day God calls Satan up on the telephone and says with
a sneer, "So, how's it going down there in hell?" Satan replies,
"Hey, things
are going great. We've got air conditioning and
flush toilets and escalators, and there's no telling what this engineer
is going to
come up with next."
God replies, "What??? You've got an engineer? That's a mistake -- he should never have gotten down there; send him up here."
Satan says, "No way. I like having an engineer on the staff, and I'm keeping him."
God says, "Send him back up here or I'll sue." Satan
laughs uproariously and answers, "Yeah, right. And just where are
YOU going
to get a lawyer?"
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Sleeping in the
Barn (Joke of the Day)
A rabbi, a Hindu, and a lawyer are in a car. They
run out of gas, and are forced to stop at a farmers house. The farmer
says that
there are only 2 extra beds, and one person will have
to sleep in the barn.
The Hindu says, "I'm humble, I'll sleep in the barn,"
so he goes out to the barn. In a few minutes, the farmer hears a
knock on the
door. It's the Hindu and he says, "There is a cow
in the barn. It's against my beliefs to sleep with a cow."
So the rabbi says, "I'm humble, I'll sleep in the barn."
A few minutes later, the farmer hears another knock on the door and it's
the rabbi. He says that it is against his beliefs
to sleep where there is a pig and there is a pig in the barn.
So the lawyer is forced to sleep in the barn. A
few minutes later, there is a knock on the door. It's the pig and
the cow.
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Getting into Heaven
(Joke of the Day)
Recently a teacher, a garbage collector, and a lawyer
wound up together at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter informed them that
in order
to get into Heaven, they would each have to answer one
question.
St. Peter addressed the teacher and asked, "What was the name of the ship that crashed into the iceberg? They just made a movie about it." The teacher answered quickly, "That would be the Titanic." St. Peter let him through the gate.
St. Peter turned to the garbage man and, figuring Heaven
didn't REALLY need all the odors that this guy would bring with him, decided
to make the question a little harder: "How many
people died on the ship?" Fortunately for him, the trash man
had just seen the movie
and answered, "about 1,500." "That's right!
You may enter."
St. Peter then turned to the lawyer. "Name them."
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