Rabbit in the Forest (Joke of the Day)
The LAPD, The FBI, and the CIA are all trying to prove that they are the best at apprehending criminals.  The President
decides to give them a test.  He releases a rabbit into a forest and has each of them try to catch it.

The CIA goes in. They place animal informants throughout the forest.  They question all plant and mineral witnesses.  After
three months of extensive investigations they conclude that rabbits do not exist.

Then the FBI goes in. After two weeks with no leads they burn the forest, killing everything in it, including the rabbit, and
they make no apologies.  The rabbit had it coming.

Then the LAPD goes in.  They come out two hours later with a badly beaten bear.  The bear is yelling: "Okay! Okay! I'm
a rabbit! I'm a rabbit!"
 
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Got Nails?
A duck walks into a feed store and asks, "Got any duck feed?" The clerk tells him, "No, we don't have a market for it so we don't
carry it." The duck says, "Okay," and leaves.

The next day, the duck walks in to the feed store and asks, "Got any duck feed?" Again the clerk says no and the duck leaves.

Next day, the duck walks in, and asks, "Got any duck feed?" The clerk says, "I've told you twice, we don't have duck feed, we've never had duck feed and we never will have duck feed. If you ask me again, I'll nail your feet to the floor." The duck leaves.

The next day, the duck walks in and asks, "Got any nails?"   "No."  "Got any duck feed?"
 
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Dead Dog (Joke of the Day)
A lady awoke one morning and discovered her dog was not moving. She called her vet who asked her to bring the dog in.  After a
brief examination, the vet pronounced the dog dead.

"Are you sure?", the distraught woman asked.  "He was a great family pet.  Isn't there anything else you can do?"

The vet paused for a moment and said, "There is one more thing we can do." He left the room for a moment and came back carrying
a large cage with a cat in it.  The vet opened the cage door and the cat walked over to the dog.  The cat sniffed the dog from
head to toe and walked back to the cage.

"Well, that confirms it." the vet announced.  "Your dog is dead."

Satisfied that the vet had done everything he possibly could, the woman sighed,  "How much do I owe you?"

"That will be $330." the vet replied.

"I don't believe it!!!", screamed the woman.  "What did you do that cost $330???"

"Well", the vet replied, "it's $30 for the office visit and $300 for the cat scan."
 
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Another Fractured Fairy Tale  (Scott E Patrick; [email protected])

So it seems that a young frog telephoned the Psychic Hotline and was told, "You are going to meet a beautiful young woman who will want to know everything about you!"

The frog said, "That's great!  When will I meet her?  How will I meet her, at a party, or what!?!?"

"No," replied the psychic, "Next semester -- in her biology class."
 
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