One of the ways in which you can tell how well you understand a foreign culture is by seeing how well you understand jokes associated with that culture. With this in mind, to give international students some examples of American humor, I have begun to compile an archive of American jokes that I have heard. These jokes have been sorted into different categories, such as "Norwegian Jokes", "Dumb Blonde Jokes", and "Football Jokes". If you have heard any jokes that you would like me to add to this archive, please send them to this e-mail address: [email protected]
***REMEMBER: It is the policy of this archive NOT to accept any sexually explicit jokes. This archive does, however, contain a number of Norwegian jokes and "dumb blonde" jokes, since people in Wisconsin tell these kinds of jokes very often.
And now....the jokes. Enjoy!
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NORWEGIAN JOKES
If a Norwegian with one arm is hanging by his arm from a tree branch, how do you get him out of the tree? Wave to him.
Why don't Norwegian medicine bottles have labels on them? Because the bottles are too big to fit into a typewriter.
What did the Norwegian name his pet zebra? Spot.
A Norwegian, a German, and an American were walking down the road one day, when they found an old oil lamp. When one of them rubbed the lamp, a genie appeared, and said that he would grant each of them one wish. After hearing this, the American said, "Oh, I really miss my wife and kids. I wish I were back home with them right now", and presto! His wish was granted. Next, it was the German's turn. He said,"Oh, I wish I could be on the beach in Hawaii right now", and presto! He was. Finally, it was the Norwegian's turn to make a wish. He thought for a while, then said, "Gee, those two guys are such good friends of mine. I really miss them. I wish they were back here with me now"--and presto!...
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"DUMB BLONDE" JOKES
Four blondes were driving to Disneyland one day, when they saw a sign on the freeway that said: "Disneyland---Left". So, they turned around and went home.
A blonde girl went to the beauty salon for a haircut. The hairdresser said, "OK, but I won't be able to cut your hair until you take off those headphones you're wearing." The girl was mortified and refused. After arguing with her about it for a long time, the hairdresser finally persuaded the girl to take her headphones off. Just as the hairdresser started to cut her hair, the blonde girl suddenly fell out of the chair--dead! The hairdresser had no idea why this happened, so he picked up the headphones to listen to them, hoping that this would give him a clue as to why the blonde girl had died. He heard: "Breathe in, breathe out, breathe in, breathe out..."
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FOOTBALL JOKES
One day, a policeman was driving down the street, when he came upon a baby bear who was crying. He asked the bear, "Why are you crying? Are you lost? Where do you live?" "My parents are divorced", said the little bear, "so, sometimes I live with my daddy, and sometimes I live with my mommy." "OK", said the policeman,"What if I took you to your father's house?" "NO!", said the bear. "I don't want to go there! He beats me!" "Really?", said the policeman, "then I'll take you to your mother's house." "NO!", said the bear. "I don't want to go there! She beats me!" "Well, then", said the policeman, "Where DO you want to go?" "Take me to see the Chicago Bears", said the little bear. "They don't beat ANYBODY!"
What's the difference between a deer lying dead on the side of the road, and Deion Sanders lying dead on the side of the road? The deer has skid marks on it.
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MISCELLANEOUS JOKES
Did you hear about the agnostic dyslexic insomniac? He stayed up all night wondering if there really is a dog.
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