Saturday
January 10, 1997
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I had lunch with a work cow-orker yesterday. Everytime we lunch, he seems to end up in tears, and I feel compelled to buy him drinks. I said yesterday that he's got to stop having lunch with me, otherwise he'll think I make everyone cry. It's almost the first anniversary of the death of his partner. Tim committed suicide in their home, whilst Geoff went out for a paper. I have no words to convey the understanding I have for Geoff, all I can do is be there for him.

Aside from this we spoke at length about friends. We found that we have in common a modus operandi?, a manifestation of our friendship habits. Like myself Geoff has a group of very close friends perhaps four or five. These are entities unto themselves, none know each other or are friends across the group, the common link between these people is us at the hub of the wheel. We then wondered what it was that joined us to these people, were there common elements, qualities - or anything at all. The only thing we could come up with was us. In our respective groups, we were the common element.

Geoff mentioned that he'd often thought of getting all these people together for a party, but always knowing in the back of his mind that it wouldn't work. They'd have nothing in common - except him (or me) and probably the party would break up almost before it began. I had often thought the same thing, yet found myself wanting to make one of these social occasions work - to orchestrate it so closely that there was no chance for failure. But I know that Geoff is right, I just wanted it to be different.

Later that day I spoke to an old friend, one of my closest friends, in conversation he said to me - "I'd like to meet your friends, I'm sure they'd tell me so much about you...." (well that's not a direct quote, but it's the gist of it) Whilst I agree, meeting my friends could just as likely tell him nothing.

It's one of those beholder things, it's one of those attraction things, it's one of those indefinable things. Why some people stand out of the hoi polloi for us is a mystery, yet it is clear that there are so many factors at work. For those of us with this motely band of unconnected friends, we just have to be happy to maintain and work on these one on one friendships - which are the kind Geoff and I have, leaving its nature unquestioned, enjoying the friendship for what it is.

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