You might be a redneck if.....
your wedding picture shows you with a toothpick in your mouth.
you name your twin boys Jack and Daniel.
your family estate has wheels.
your dad walks you to school cuz you're in the same grade.
you think of your family reunion as a great place to meet women.
you have a relative who died peeing for distance.
the roto rooter man calls for backup when he visits your house.
your mother has ever been in a fist fight at a high school sporting event.
using the bathroom at night requires shoes and a flashlight.
directions to your bathroom include "go past the big tree and turn left at the shed."
drying your laundry depends on the weather.
you have a set of 16 matching bowls and they all say Cool Whip on them.
you refer to your dog as the dishwasher.
the cruise control on your truck involves fishing' line, a pulley, and a hook.
the primary color of your car is bond.
you have season tickets to the tractor pulls.
you spell out NASCAR in christmas lights.
your wedding vows included something about NASCAR.
you owe your taxidermist more than your annual income.
you think deer hunting should be an Olympic sport.
you can legally buy beer in grade school.
you've ever pruned a tree with a shotgun.
Redneck Etiquette
Rules for Driving
Always dim your headlights for oncoming traffic even if the gun's loaded and the deer is in the sights.
When approaching a 4 way stop, the truck with the biggest tires has the right of way.
Never tow another car using panty hose and duct tape, this will not work.
Never relieve yourself from a moving vehicle, especially while driving.
Do not lay rubber while traveling in a funeral procession.
Rules for Personal Hygiene
Unlike clothes and shoes, a toothbrush should never be a hand me down.
If you have to vacuum the bed, it's time to change the sheets.
While ears do need regular cleaning, this should be done in private, using your OWN truck keys.
Plucking unwanted nose hair is time consuming work. A cigarette lighter and a small tolerance for pain can accomplish the same goal and save hours.
Tips for all Occasions
A table centerpiece should never be anything that was prepared by a taxidermist.
When you have company, never allow the dog to eat at the table, no matter how good his manners are.
At the movies, crying babies should be taken to the lobby and picked up immediately after the movie ends.
Livestock is usually a poor choice for a wedding gift.
It is not ok for the groom to bring a date to the wedding.
Never take a beer to a job interview.
Always identify people in your yard before shooting at them.
Even if you are sure you are included in the will, it is in bad taste to drive a U-Haul to the funeral home.
The socially refined never fish coins out of public toilets, especially if others are around.
I want more jokes and stuff!!
Take me home!!