Redneck Night Before Christmas
'Twas the night before Christmas and all through the trailer
Not a creature was stirrin' 'cept a redneck named Taylor.
His first name was Bubba, Joe was his middle,
And a-runnin' down gis chin was a trickle of spittle.
His socks, they were hung by the chimney with care,
And therefore there was a foul stench in the air.
Then Bubba got scared and rousted the boys.
There was Rufus, 12; Jim Bob was 11;
Dud goin' on 10; Otis was 7.
John, George, and Chucky were 5, 4, and 3;
The twins were both girls so they let them be.
They jumped in their overalls, no need for a shirt,
Threw a hat on each head and then turned with a jerk.
They ran to the gun rack that hung on the wall;
There were 17 shotguns, and they grabbed them all.
Bubba said to the young'uns, "Now hush up y'all!
The last thing we wanna do is wake up yer Maw."
Maw was expecting and needed her sleep,
So they crept out the door without making a peep.
They all looked around, and then they all spit.
The young'uns asked Bubba, "Paw, what is it?"
Bubba just stared; he could not say a word.
This was just like all the stories he'd heard.
It was Santy Caluse on the roof, darn tootin'
But the boys didn't know; they was about to start shootin'.
They ained their shotguns and nearly made a mistake
That would have resulted in venison steak.
Bubba hollered out, "Don't shoot, boys!
That's Santy Clause and he's brought us some toys."
And Bubba whistled and shouted and called them by name,
""Down Spot! Shut up Bullet! Quiet Pete and Roscoe!
Git Turnip and Tater and Sam and Boscoe.
Git down from that portch! Git down off that wall!
Quit shakin' the trailer, or you'll make Santy fall!"
The dogs kept a barkin' and wouldn't shut up,
And they trampled poor Pete, who was only a pup.
Santy opened his bag and threw out some toys.
Bubba got most, but he left a few for the boys.
Since the guns had been dropped, Santy just might not die.
He jumped in his sleigh and told his reindeer to hurry.
The trailer started to wobble,, Santa started to worry.
Just as the reindeer got into the air,
The trailer collapsed, but Bubba didn't care.
He was busy lookin' at all his new toys,
Then a thought hit him, and he said to the boys,
"Go check on yer Maw, make sure she's alright.
That roof fallin' on her coulda hurt just a might!"
But Maw was OK and the girls were too.
They fixed up the trailer, it looked good as new.
And as for Bubba, he liked Old St. Nick,
But Santa thought Bubba was a pure hick.
Bubba had a nice Christmas, the boys did too,
And the Taylors wish a Merry Christmas to you!
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