I feel like I need to write journals. It's not just a matter of wanting to anymore, I need to. However, I haven't been lately, obviously. It's so hard to stay inside and type on the computer when it's so warm and sunny outside. I haven't been doing anything lately except chilling outside: I have homework to do, e-mail to write, my room is a mess, etc and all I want to do is be outside. Maybe I should just quit school and go and live in the woods. That would be fantastic.
So a lot has been going on with me lately. I've been thinking about a lot of things. I try to be a clean person: I pick up after myself, I don't litter, I save the plastic-ware from the cafeteria and use it until it breaks, I save napkins, bla bla bla. So I'm a clean person in that aspect but I don't think I'm very mentally clean. Mentally clean meaning that my mind is always so scattered: I have little to no motivation to do homework, I can't keep ahold of my money, I hurt people... I'm going to stop listing my faults now, there's more but I think you get the point. What I mean by "I hurt people" is that (My mother is always telling me that I do this and I've always denied it, yes mom, you're right. I'm finally admitting it.) I lead people on, like romantically. My problem is that I change my mind so much, especially when it comes to boys. So I'll have a crush on some boy for a few days and to me it will be a little crush that I get over and never want to see him again, and for this poor boy he will be totally in love with me. I can't help doing it. I've been doing it since eighth grade. I feel so terrible about myself for doing it but it's the way that I am. I know that sounds like a cop out, but I don't know how else to describe it.
Okay, enough of that.
More things are going on with me too, like school is almost over. I'm so excited. This summer is going to kick such ass. I'm going to have to work full time but that's alright, there are so many other things going on for me this summer that I have to look forward to.
I feel like I have more to say but I can't think of anything right now. There are so many things that I wish I could say but they're almost too personal. I guess that's the whole point of having an online journal though... to get really personal and have all these strangers reading about your secrets and your inner feelings. I don't know about that though, most of my feelings I don't tell anyone and I don't know how comfortable I would feel typing some of the shit that I feel. Maybe I would if the only people that read this were strangers, but they're my friends and family too. I don't think they want to read some of the things that I feel.
So moving on. I ordered a bong the other day, it should be here late next week I hope. It's not the one in the picture I posted, it's something smaller and cheaper, more affordable. Me and my friends are eagerly anticipating its arrival.
Okay, I'm done for now. Please excuse the rambling but that's what mood I've been in lately, mumbling and rambling on and on about nothing in particular because there are so many thoughts in my head and I don't want them to get out of my mouth.
Love Morgan
