Buffy The Vampire Slayer : Season 3 : Episode Guide @ Blue Flashing Light
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Band Candy
Buffy's S.A.T. is coming up, so Giles helps her study for it at the cemetery while waiting for any vampires to rise from their graves. At City Hall, Mayor Wilkins enlists Mr. Trick's aid for an upcoming tribute to a demon. Mr. Trick just so happens to know a man who can help them.
The next morning, Principal Snyder enlists students to sell candy in order to raise money for Sunnydale High's marching band, and Buffy and the gang are at the top of Snyder's recruitment list. After Buffy convinces her mother to buy some candy, she revives their long-standing debate over whether or not she can get a license and start driving. Joyce remains uncomfortable with the notion of her daughter behind a steering wheel. Buffy then heads off for the library, telling her mother that she has some more training to do with Giles. Joyce is not pleased with how much time Buffy has to spend working with Giles. At the library, Buffy trains briefly with Giles before leaving early, explaining to him that her mom wants her home early. Buffy then visits Angel at the mansion, bringing along a container of blood from the butcher shop. When Buffy finally goes home, she is surprised to find both her mom and her Watcher waiting for her in the foyer. They both have figured out that Buffy lied to them in order to go someplace else, although Joyce suspects that place was the Bronze. Unhappy with the way she's being treated, Buffy expresses how she can't fulfill both of their demands for the amount of time they want to spend with her. After Buffy goes to her room, Giles and Joyce relax on the couch, curiously eating one candy bar after another. Elsewhere, these same candy bars are being packaged in a factory. Overlooking the whole process is none other than Giles' old rival, Ethan Rayne.
Buffy, Cordy, Xander, Willow, and several other students sit in study hall on Friday, waiting for their supervisor to arrive. The staff member assigned to study hall this day happens to be Giles, who is uncharacteristically late. While the students wait, Xander and Willow engage in a forbidden game of footsie under their table, apparently still hung up over each other after their kiss on Homecoming week. Principal Snyder talks one of the teacher, Ms. Barton, into filling in for Giles. Buffy is both surprised and dismayed to learn that Giles never showed up, but she and the rest of the students are even more surprised when Ms. Barton speaks to them loosely and freely, going so far as to refer to their principal as "Commandant Snyder". After school, Buffy goes to Giles' apartment to find out where he was, but that soon becomes irrelevant when she notices that her mother is there as well. Giles explains that he and Joyce have been working out a schedule to make it easier for Buffy to spend enough time with the both of them. Joyce then stuns her daughter by handing her the keys to her jeep, telling Buffy to drive herself home. After Buffy grabs the keys and leaves, Giles lights up a cigarette, dropping the charade that he and Joyce were putting on for Buffy when she arrived just now. Not one to pass up on an opportunity like this, Buffy picks up Willow in the jeep and drives off to the Bronze, displaying a horrific driving ability along the way. At the Bronze, Buffy and Willow immediately notice
the vast number of adults present, which is unusual for any given night at the Bronze. Even stranger is that all of the adults are acting like rowdy teenagers, including Principal Snyder, who acts like he's just one of the Scooby Gang. While Buffy and Willow try to decipher this phenomenon, Giles and Joyce drink, smoke, and listen to old LP's before heading out into town. Giles and Joyce stroll by the store windows, one of which showcases a coat that catches Joyce's eye. Giles breaks into the window and steals the coat for the new "girl" in his life. A cop tries to stop them, but Giles makes short work of the cop and takes his gun before leaving the scene with Joyce. Back at the Bronze, Buffy decides that they need to get out and find some answers. As Buffy, Willow, and Oz leave the Bronze and get into the jeep, Snyder follows them into the car. Since time is definitely an issue, Buffy lets him tag along. Meanwhile, adults all over town are acting like teenagers, just like the people at the Bronze. Two guys even get into a drag race, and one of them smashes into Buffy's jeep. After everyone gets out of the car, one man runs by and steals Snyder's candy bar. Buffy realizes that there must be something wrong with the candy. Buffy instructs Willow and Oz to get Xander and Cordelia and head to the library, while she and Snyder drive to the candy bar factory.
Buffy and Snyder arrive at the factory, where a huge mob of adults are gathered around the entrance to get more candy bars. On her way to the entrance, Buffy is distracted by the sight of Giles kissing Joyce right in front of her eyes. Unable to deal with them at this moment, Buffy knocks out the workers and enters the factory, with Giles, Joyce, and Snyder following closely behind. Inside, Buffy finds Ethan, who wastes no time in running away. He tries to lose them in the maze of candy bar boxes, but Buffy eventually finds him. Back at the library, the rest of the gang tries to find some useful information, but they can't do much without a good lead. Buffy learns from Ethan that his job was mainly to divert the adults from the main objective, which is to pay tribute to a demon named Lurconis. Oz and Willow discover that Lurconis feeds on babies. Unbeknownst to any of them, a group of vampires walk into the hospital nursery and steal four of the infants there. Buffy and the others are too late in getting to the hospital. However, Giles is able to recall that Lurconis means "glutton", and that they should be able to find him in the sewers. They go down into the sewer tunnels and find the babies, along with Mr. Trick, the other four vampires, and the Mayor. As soon as Buffy and Giles arrive, Mayor Wilkinson immediately flees the scene. While Buffy fights the vampires, Giles and Joyce move the babies out of harm's way. During the battle, Buffy throws one of the vampires into a large pool. A large
rumbling soon follows, and Lurconis, a huge serpentine creature, emerges from an opening next to the pool and devours the hapless vampire. Mr. Trick challenges the Slayer to a fight, but her Watcher intervenes and attempts to take on the vampire. Mr. Trick easily tosses Giles into the pool and escapes. With Lurconis coming back for seconds, Buffy detaches a fuel line and ignites the open end on one of the torches that the vampires set up, creating a giant blowtorch. As Lurconis emerges from the opening once again, Buffy roasts the demon, sending it back into its dwelling. Afterwards, Mayor Wilkinson expresses his disappointment in Mr. Trick's failure, warning him not to make the same mistakes again.
The following Monday morning, all the adults in Sunnydale are back to normal. Buffy laments to Giles after school about the disaster that was her S.A.T. They meet up with Joyce by the jeep, which is still wrecked. Buffy is relieved that she was able to stop Giles and Joyce before they went a little too far with their carefree romance... or so she believes.
Quotes
Giles: "'And on that tragic day, an era came to its inevitable end.' That's all there is. Are you ready?" Buffy: "Hit me." Giles: "Which of the following best expresses the theme of the passage: A) Violence breeds violence, B) All things must end, C)..." Buffy: "B! I'm going with B. We haven't had B in forever." Giles: "This is the SATs, Buffy. Not connect the dots. Please pay attention. A low score could seriously harm your chances of getting into college."
Buffy: "Gee, thanks. That takes the pressure right off."
Giles: "This isn't meant to be easy you know. It's a rite of passage."
Buffy: "Is it too late to join a tribe where they just pierce something or cut something off?"
Buffy: "I broke my No. 2 pencil. We'll have to do this again sometime."
Giles: (handing Buffy a new pencil): C) "All systems tend towards chaos."
Trick: "I can get you what you need. I know a beast who know a guy."
Mayor: "I made certain deals to get where I am today. This demon requires its tribute. You see, that's what separates me from other politicians, Mr. Trick. I keep my campaign promises."
Mayor: "Where'd I put that scotch?"
Buffy: "And then I was being chased by an improperly filled in answer bubble screaming "None of the above."
Willow: "Wow. I hope that wasn't one of your prophecy dreams.... Probably not."
Oz: "I could help you get ready. There's this whole trick to antonyms but... this isn't the place."
Willow: "Oz is the highest scoring person never to graduate!"
Buffy: "Isn't she cute when she's proud?"
Oz: "She's always cute."
Cordelia: "Oh god. Are we killing something tonight?"
Buffy: "Only my carefree spirit."
Willow: "Oz is the highest scoring..."
Cordelia: "We know. We did the impressed thing already."
Xander: "I hate they make us take that thing [SAT]. It's totally fascist, and personally, I think it discriminates against the uninformed."
Cordelia: "Actually, I'm looking forward to it. I do well on standardized tests. What? I can't have layers?"
Buffy: "I'm supervised 24/7. It's like being in the Real World house. Only real."
Willow: "Ooh! Candy bars! Lots of 'em!"
Xander: "Principal Snyder, thank you! You weren't visited by the ghost of Christmas past by any chance?"
Buffy: "Let's hear it for the band."
Xander: "Those tall fuzzy hats aren't cheap, huh?"
Oz: "But they go with everything."
Buffy: "I'm sure we love the idea of going all Willy Loman, but we're not in the band."
Principal Snyder: "And if I'd handed you a trombone that would be a problem, Summers. It's candy. Sell it."
Joyce: "Buffy, what would I do with 40 chocolate bars?"
Buffy: "You could hand them out at the gallery. Buy something pre-Columbian; get a free cavity!"
Buffy: "You're a good mom."
Joyce: "The best."
Buffy: "No, I'm pretty sure the best moms let their daughters drive."
Buffy: "I'm not taking off again. Besides, if I wanted to, I could just get on a bus."
Joyce: "Don't you think Mr. Giles is monopolizing an awful lot of your time?"
Buffy: "And does he ever say he's sorry?"
Buffy: "Ow!"
Giles: "I'm sorry."
Buffy: "OK. You're just doing this to take funny pictures of me."
Buffy: "You ran out of new training ideas about a week ago, huh?"
Giles: "It's not that simple is it... OW!"
Angel: "It's late. How'd you get away?"
Buffy: "It was easy. Started a fire in the prison laundry room; rode out in the garbage truck."
Buffy: "Do you guys want to watch some television? I hear there's a very insightful Nightline on."
Joyce: "Were you at the Bronze? What was happening there that was so important?"
Buffy: "Bronze things. Things of Bronze."
Buffy: "You're both scheduling me 24 hours a day. Between the two of you that's 48 hours!"
Giles: "All right, come on. Let's not, uh, freak out."
Buffy: "Freak out?!"
Ethan: "Trust me. You don't want to eat that."
Cordelia: "I heard there's a secret rule that if a teacher is more than 10 minutes late, we can all leave early."
Buffy: "It's Giles's turn to watch Study Hall. He'll be here. He's allergic to late."
Cordelia: "He is wound a little tight. I had this philosophy book checked out for, like, a year, and he made me pay the fine even though it was huge. I was sad to return it. It was perfect for starting conversations with college boys. Of course, that was BX."
Buffy: "BX?.... Before Xander. Cute."
Xander: "I like chocolate. There is no bad here."
Willow: "I went to, like, four houses and they were gone. It's like trick or treating in reverse."
Xander: "I know! These things are selling like hot cakes. Which is ironic 'cause the hot cakes really aren't moving."
Xander: "The band. They're great. They march."
Willow: "Like an army. Except with music instead of bullets, and usually no one dies."
Cordelia: "Where is Giles already? I'm bored and he's not here to give me credit for it."
Principal Snyder: "Everybody expects me to do everything around here because I'm the principal. It's not fair!"
Ms. Barton: Let's just sit quietly and pretend we're reading something until we're really sure old Commandant Snyder's gone. Then we're all outta here!"
Xander: "Does anyone else want to marry Miss Barton?"
Cordelia: "Get in line."
Joyce: "Take the car, and Mr. Giles can drive me home."
Buffy: "What? Excuse me, I meant WHAT?!"
Joyce: "Keys. Take them."
Buffy: "You don't have to tell me twice. Well, actually, you did but... Bye!"
Joyce: "Do you think she noticed anything?"
Giles: "*lighting cig* No way."
Willow: "Tell me again how it happened?"
Buffy: "I told my mom I wanted to be treated like a grown up, and voila! Driveyness! Also, I think she wanted me otherwhere. Considering my mom and Giles are planning my future, I think it's easier for them to live my life if I'm not actually there."
Willow: "Do you know that you have the parking brake on?"
Willow: "Are you sure about the Bronze? I mean, the SATs are tomorrow."
Buffy: "We can study at the Bronze. A little dancing, a little cross-multiplying."
Joyce: "You've got good albums."
Giles: "Yeah, they're okay."
Joyce: "Do you like Seals & Crofts?"
Giles: (looks)
Joyce: "Me neither."
Joyce: "So, why do they call you Ripper?"
Giles: "Wouldn't you like to know?"
Joyce: "Hey, Ripper, you wanna watch TV? I know how to order pay per view."
Buffy: "Let's do the time warp again."
Willow: "Maybe there's a reunion in town.... or a Billy Joel tour or something."
Buffy: "Ms. Barton?"
Ms. Barton: Buffy, whoa!"
Willow: "You okay, Miss Barton?"
Ms. Barton: Oh I'm cool, Willow. Willow. That's a tree. You're a tree. Are there any nachos in here, Little Tree?"
Willow: "This is not normal. Maybe that goes without saying."
Principal Snyder: "Hey gang! This place is fun city, huh?"
Buffy: "Principal Snyder?!"
Principal Snyder: "Call me Snyder. Just the last name. Like Barbarino. Oh, I'm so stoked!!"
Principal Snyder: "Hey did you see Miss Barton? I think she's wasted. I'm gonna have to put that in her next performance review....'cause.... 'cause I'm the principal!"
Willow: "I don't like this. They could have heart attacks."
Buffy: "Well, maybe there's a doctor here."
Willow: "I think that is my doctor. He's usually less topless."
Principal Snyder: "Whoa! There are some foxy ladies here tonight!"
Buffy: "They're acting like a bunch of us."
Willow: "I don't act like this."
Trick: "That's the reason I love this country. You make a good product, and the people will come to you. Of course, a lot of them are going to die, but that's the other reason I love this country."
Oz: "Teenagers. That's a sobering mirror to look into, huh?"
Principal Snyder (to Oz): "You've got great hair.""
*Louie, Louie*
Willow: "It just gets more upsetting."
*Louie, Louie*
Buffy: "No vampire has ever been that scary."
Buffy: "We have to figure out what's going on. This has Hellmouth fingerprints all over it."
Principal Snyder: "Hey, where are we going? Wait up you guys. You guys aren't trying to ditch me are you?"
Principal Snyder: "Whoa, Summers, you drive like a spaz!"
Willow: "It'll be okay when we get to Giles."
Oz: "Of course, I mean, even if he's sixteen he's still Giles, right? He's probably a pretty together guy."
Willow: "Yeah, well...."
Oz: "What?"
Buffy: "Giles at sixteen? Less Together Guy, more Bad Magic, Hates the World, Ticking Time Bomb Guy."
Oz: "Well, then I guess your mom's in a lot of trouble."
Joyce: "That's cool! Very Juice Newton."
Principal Snyder: "This is great! Let's do donuts in the football field."
Giles: "Ooo. Copper's got a gun!"
Joyce: "You are so cool. You're like Burt Reynolds."
Willow: "Anybody else all creeped out and trembly?"
Buffy: "Something's weird."
Oz: "Something's not?"
Buffy: "So where are all the vampires? The soup's on but no one's grabbing a spoon."
Oz: "Something's happening. Someplace that's else."
Principal Snyder: "That guy took my candy!"
Buffy: "The candy. It's gotta be the candy, it's cursed."
Principal Snyder: "Curse? I've got curse?"
Buffy: "You guys get Xander and Cordelia. Go to the library and look it up."
Oz: "Candy curses?"
Willow: "Disturbing second childhood. Got it."
Buffy: "Rat boy and I are going to the source."
Buffy: "Mom! Where did you get that coat?!"
Buffy: "Giles, think about this. You want to fight me, or do you want to let me talk to my mom?"
Joyce: "Hey, look, they're giving away candy. You want some candy?"
Buffy: "No, I don't, and you don't need any more either."
Joyce: "I'm fine. I can have more if I want."
Buffy: "You are not fine. You need to go home."
Joyce: "Screw you. I want candy."
Buffy: "Mom--"
Joyce: "You wanna slay stuff and I'm not allowed to do anything about it. Well this is what I wanna do so get off my back."
Giles: "Oh for god's sake, let your mum have a sodding candy bar."
Buffy: "Mom, look at your car. Look at that dent the size of New Brunswick. I did that."
Joyce: "Oh my God! What was I thinking when I bought the geek machine?"
Buffy: "Listen to me--"
Giles: "No, you listen to me. I'm your Watcher so you do what I tell you. Now sod off!"
Principal Snyder: "Hey, Brit-face, wait up!"
Ethan: "Yeah, I've been out there. The town's wide open. You guys can go any time."
Buffy: "Ethan Rayne."
Ethan: "You might want to hurry."
Cordelia: "At first it was fun, you know. They seemed like they were in this really good mood. Not like parents. And then..."
Willow: "Badness?"
Cordelia: "Mom started borrowing my clothes. There should be an age limit on Lycra pants. Dad, he just locked himself in the bathroom with old copies of Esquire."
Xander: "I don't get this. The candy's supposed to make you feel all immature and stuff, but I've had a ton and I don't feel any diff--never mind."
Cordelia: "You wanna swap?"
Willow: "What? Swap?"
Cordelia: "You wanna swap. This book is really thick and I'm not sure it's in English."
Giles: "(breathing hard): Bloody hell."
Buffy: "That's what smoking'll do to you."
Buffy: "Look, a box full of farm fresh chicken."
Principal Snyder: "So, are you two...kinda...like, um...going steady?"
Buffy: "So, Ethan, what are we playing? We're pretty much in a talk or bleed situation. Your call."
Giles: "Hit him."
Ethan: "I'd just like to point out that this wasn't my idea."
Buffy: "Meaning?"
Ethan: "I'm subcontracting. It's Trick you want. I'm just helping him collect a tribute. For a demon."
Giles: "He's lying. Go on, hit him."
Buffy: "I don't think he is. And shut up."
Giles: "You're my Slayer. Go knock his teeth down his throat."
Buffy: "Which brings us to the bonus question, and believe me when I tell you a wrong answer will cost you all your points."
Principal Snyder: "She whupped you good, huh? I can do that. I took Tae Kwan Do at the Y."
Buffy: "See if you guys can find something to tie him up with."
Joyce: (sheepishly hands Buffy handcuffs)
Buffy: "Never tell me."
Joyce: "Something's gonna eat those babies?"
Principal Snyder: "I think that is so wrong."
Giles: "She says she never saw who took them. Dozy cow."
Buffy: "I know who took them."
Giles: "Well then let's do something. Let's find the demon and kick the crap out of it."
Giles: "Larconis dwells beneath the city, filth to filth."
Buffy: "What?"
Giles: "Ooh. I know this. I knew this. Larconis means glutton, and we'll find it in the sewers."
Joyce: "The sewers?"
Principal Snyder: "Uh, good. You go do that thing with the demon, and I'll stay here in case the babies, you know, uh, find their way back."
Giles: "You filthy little poncer, are you afraid of a little demon? Principal Snyder: "If you want to splash around in the poo, you're the filthy one."
Buffy: "I need help, okay? Giles, I need grown-ups. These children are gonna die if we don't act now, okay, and think clearly. There is no room for mistakes. Besides which, you guys are just wigging me out."
Buffy: "Snyder, go home."
Snyder: "I can do that."
Buffy: "Giles, we're going to the sewers. [turns to see J & G kissing] And don't *do* that."
Mayor: "Carol? Hi, yeah, call Dave on the public works committee tomorrow about sewer maintenance and repair. I have some concerns regarding exposed gas pipes, infrastructure, ventilation. And, um, cancel my three o'clock."
Trick: "Ordinarily I like other people to do my fighting for me. But I just gotta see what you got."
Buffy: "Just tell me when it hurts."
Trick: "You and me girl. There's hot times ahead."
Buffy: "They never just leave. Always gotta say something."
Joyce: "Can we go home now?"
Buffy: "Yeah, we can go home. I've got the SATs tomorrow."
Joyce: "Oh, blow them off. I'll write you a note."
Mayor: "This didn't turn out the way I had planned."
Trick: "Where's the down side? You just got yourself one less demon you have to pay tribute to. The way I see it, I did you a favor."
Mayor: "I guess you did. In the future, I'd be very careful how many favors you do for me."
Principal Snyder: "You look like four young people with too much time on your hands."
Oz: "Not really."
Cordelia: "Busy like a bee actually. Bee-like."
Willow: "Kiss rocks? Why would anyone want to--oh, wait, I get it."
Buffy: "It was just too much to deal with. It was like nothing made sense anymore. The things that I thought I understood were gone. I just felt so alone."
Giles: "Was that the math or the verbal?"
Buffy: "Mostly the math."
Giles: "Well if you scored low then you can always take them again."
Buffy: "More SATs Is there really a point? I could die before I even apply to college."
Giles: "And then you very possibly might not."
Buffy: "Well, let's just keep hope alive."
Giles: "I say, your car seems to have had an adventure, doesn't it?"
Joyce: "Buffy assures me that it happened battling evil, so I'm letting her pay for it on the installment plan."
Buffy: "Hey, the way things were going, be glad that's the worst that happened. At least I got to the two of you before you actually did something."
Joyce: "Right."
Giles: "Indeed"
Joyce: "Yes."