10. When you call to congratulate Mark McGwire, he lets his machine get it. 9. Your press secretary keeps introducing you as "President William Milhous Clinton." 8. You're invited to appear on Jeopardy's "Impeached Presidents Week." 7. Tipper Gore's in your office measuring it for drapes. 6. Even the sluttiest new intern won't give you the time of day. 5. Library of Congress stops letting you sign out books. 4. You walk into the Capitol commissary and 500 people simultaneously say, "Shhh! He's here!" 3. Somebody changed the locks on Monica Lewinsky. 2. Suddenly, everyone's kissing Al Gore's big cinder-block ass. 1. Your new Secret Service code name: "Roadkill."
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