If your ship hasn't come in...Swim out to it! I LIKE CATS! They taste like chicken. Men are proof that women can take a joke. The gene pool could use a little chlorine. Time is what keeps things from happening all at once. I like you but I wouldn't want to see you working with sub-atomic particles. LOTTERY: A tax on people who are bad at math. WE ARE MICROSOFT. RESISTANCE IS FUTILE. YOU WILL BE ASSIMILATED. I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian. I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it. It's lonely at the top, but you eat better. Few women admit their age, few men act it. If we aren't supposed to eat animals, why are they made with meat? Some people are alive only because it is illegal to kill them. Forget about world peace... visualize using your turn signal. WARNING: DATES ON CALENDAR ARE CLOSER THAN THEY APPEAR. We have enough youth. How about a fountain of "Smart"? Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot. He who laughs last thinks slowest. Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else. Consciousness: That annoying time between naps. Why is "abbreviation" such a long word? Ever stop to think, and forget to start again? I fish! Therefore, I lie. I swerve for cats. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine. Out of my mind. Back in five minutes. Cover me. I'm changing lanes. As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools. Laugh alone and the world thinks you're an idiot. Sometimes I wake up grumpy; other times I let her sleep. I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather.... .Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.... (They were screaming "Stop reading that insanely long bumper sticker and watch the road!!!") I took an IQ test and the results were negative. Okay, who stopped the payment on my reality check? If Clinton is the answer, it must have been a stupid question. Time is the best teacher; unfortunately it kills all its students! We are born naked, wet and hungry. Then things get worse. Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home. I love animals. I eat them and wear their skins. Ted Kennedy's car has killed more people than my gun. Did you check if your horn works? I'm always late. My ancestors arrived on the June Flower. I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges. Honk if you love peace and quiet. Nothing is fool-proof to a sufficiently talented fool. Have you ever noticed how nothing is impossible for those who don't have to do it? When in danger or in doubt, run in circles, scream and shout. I think your hard drive has a slipped disk. CLINTON HAPPENS. On the other hand, you have different fingers. Dyslexics of the world, untie! I don't find it hard to meet expenses. They're everywhere. Inflation is when the buck doesn't stop anywhere. I just let my mind wander, and it didn't come back. Don't steal. The government hates competition. If you don't like my driving, stay off the sidewalk. I hear you lost your cat? Check under my tire. I can only please one person a day, and today ain't your day...(tomorrow ain't looking good either). Men are idiots and I married their king. Jack Kevorkian for White House Physician i souport publik edekasion Seen on an old, beat-up car: "This is not an abandoned vehicle." Born Free. . . . .Taxed to Death. The more people I meet, the more I like my dog. Work is for people who don't know how to fish. If you don't like the news, go out and make some. I Brake For No Apparent Reason. Sorry, I don't date outside my species. I may be fat, but you're ugly - I can lose weight! Where there's a will, I want to be in it! Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off NOW! IRS: We've got what it takes to take what you have got. How Can I Miss You if You Won't Go Away? I'm out of bed and dressed. What more do you want? I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not too sure. I can handle pain until it hurts. I'm objective; I object to everything. No matter where you go, you're there. If everything is coming your way, then you're in the wrong lane. Time flies when you don't know what you're doing. Have a nice day... somewhere else. It's been Monday all week. Gravity always gets me down. I've given up trying to escape from reality; they always find me anyway. They told me I was gullible... and I believed them. You are only young once, but you can stay immature indefinitely. If God intended man to smoke, He would have set him on fire. It's bad luck to be superstitious. Radioactive cats have 18 half-lives. Support bacteria! It's the only culture some people have. I believe in getting in hot water; it keeps you clean. According to my best recollection, I don't remember. I think that I think, therefore I think that I am. The Big Bang Theory: God Spoke and BANG it Happened. I still miss my ex-wife. But my aim is improving. I can't go to work today. The voices told me to stay home and clean the guns. They're not hot flashes...they're POWER SURGES! I'm back by popular demand. CAUTION! I drive like you do! Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines. I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met. I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol. WARNING: mental backup in progress. Quantum Mechanics: The dreams stuff is made of. If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends? Atheism is a non-prophet organization. Pardon my driving, I'm reloading. Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how it remains so popular? You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you. Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't. I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe. He's not dead, he's electroencephalographically challenged. Back up my hard drive? How do I put it in reverse? I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory. Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film. The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese. When the chips are down, the buffalo is empty. Corduroy pillows: They're making headlines! Ask me about my vow of silence. Today's subliminal message is: ( ) Grow your own dope. Plant a man. My karma ran over your dogma. I brake for.wait.AAAH!.NO BRAKES!!!!! A fool and his money are a girl's best friend. I'm not driving fast-just flying low. Help starve a feeding bureaucrat. Guns don't kill people. Postal workers do. Welcome to California. Now go home! Diplomacy is the art of letting someone else get your way. If ignorance is bliss, then tourists are in a constant state of euphoria. HANG-UP & DRIVE Madness takes its toll. Please have exact change. If you can read this, I can hit my brakes and sue you. Stop repeat offenders. Don't re-elect them! Why do psychics have to ask you for your name? I intend to live forever - so far, so good. Who is General Failure and why is he reading my hard disk? What happens if you get scared half to death twice? I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out. Black holes are where God divided by zero. Taxation WITH representation isn't so hot, either! Energizer Bunny arrested, charged with battery.
� 1997 [email protected]
Get your own Free Home Page