Things You Wouldn't Hear a Southerner Say:

--We don't keep firearms in this house.

--Has anybody seen the sideburn trimmer?

--You can't feed that to the dog.

--I thought Graceland was tacky.

--No kids in the back of the pick-up, it's not safe.

--Rasslin's fake.

--Honey, did you mail that donation to Greenpeace?

--We're vegetarians.

--Do you think my hair is too big?

--I'll have grapefruit instead of biscuits and gravy.

--Honey, these bonsai trees need watering?

--Who's Richard Petty?

--Give me the small bag of pork rinds.

--Deer heads detract from the decor.

--Spitting is such a nasty habit.

--I just couldn't find a thing at Wal-Mart today.

--I just coudn't find a thing at Neiman Marcus today.

--Trim the fat off that steak.

--Cappuccino tastes better than espresso.

--The tires on that truck are too big.

--I'll have the arugula and radicchio salad.

--I've got it all on a floppy disk.

--Unsweetened tea tastes better.

--Would you like your fish poached or broiled?

--My fiancee, Paula Jo, is registered at Tiffany's.

--I've got two cases of Zima for the Super Bowl.

--Little Debbie snack cakes have too many fat grams.

--Checkmate.

--She's too old to be wearing that bikini.

--Does the salad bar have bean sprouts?

--Hey, here's an episode of "Hee Haw" that we haven't seen.

--I don't have a favorite college team.

--I believe you cooked those green beans too long.

--Those shorts ought to be a little longer, Darla.

--Elvis who?

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