An Experience with Sacred Mushrooms
First Solo Voyage
Dosage : 5g Cubensis Mushrooms
At about 7:30 P.M., I walked a short distance with my family to
a friend's
apartment, where I ingested about 5 grams of powdered mushrooms
in orange
juice. After I choked down as much of the mushrooms as I could
(About 1/4 of
a gram remained- I was certain that if I tried to finish the remaining
dose
I would vomit), I returned to my apartment, leaving my family
at our
friend's apartment. I had eaten only half of a sandwich that day,
and I
anticipated that the effects would set in relatively quickly.
How right I was. Within fifteen minutes, the effects of the mushrooms
were
obvious. I laid down, the light pulsing, and found myself uncontrollably
swept away into a trance, after which point I started writing
(rather
illegibly, I might add) in my notebook. I was not entirely sure
what I was
actually writing, and I don't exactly remember writing any of
it, but I knew
at the time that it was extremely important. The following is
an exerpt from
my automatic scribbles
"Am I alone? / We are never alone ... Dolphin brains / The grey
matter /this
is the fabric of our existance / There is only one thought / I
have already
written these things many times / All of this is a spark /Everything
Is /
Everything Becomes"
I found the "Everything Becomes" remark to be very striking, and
I giggled
at the comment for quite a while..
This is the part of the trip where my memory starts to get a little
fuzzy.
I remember getting a shower, grinning and laughing like a 4-year
old. I was
saying things like "I can do whatever I want, if I don't like
it, I can
change it.." over and over again. Sometimes, I couldn't tell if
my eyes were
opened or closed, the visual hallucinations being very intense
(The lights
were even turned on).. I turned off the water, but remained in
the shower
for an undetermined amount of time. I remained naked, and found
my way out
to the living room, where I laid down on the couch.
I laid perfectly flat on the couch, absolutely still. I felt as
if I was
nothing, the Universe was nothing, and all I had to do was simply
Be. I
spent a great deal of time Being.
I emerged from the trance, unsure of who I was, where I was, what
was going
on, or why I felt the way I did. I had a number of disturbing
thoughts, such
as "I must be dead- I've always known it would happen to me, here
it is.." I
saw my 3-month old daughter, and heard a voice telling me that
I had, in a
way, become her, and that I might as well be dead because I had
fulfilled my
purpose on this planet. Still yet another voice was telling me
that I was
not actually dead, but was just now experiencing life for the
first time.
Another voice told me that the Universe had just came to an explosive
and
violent end and that I was sitting in the twisted wreckage, and
another
voice told me that I was entirely responsible for its destruction.
Confused
and frightened, I threw on some pants and a sweater and ran as
fast as I
could to get my family.
I arrived at my friend's apartment in a matter of seconds, and
found that
there were a couple of our other friends over there as well. I
don't
remember much from being over there, except that I occasionally
would forget
that I was at his apartment, and that I was actually at my apartment
instead
(The layouts of our apartments are nearly identical).. I almost
walked into
his roommate's room a couple times, thinking that it was actually
MY room
(they are in the same relative location). Later on that night,
my wife would
inform me that I smoked some cannabis while I was over there and
wrapped
myself up in a blanket, but I do not have any recollection of
these events..
I was sure that I had taken off my clothes while I was over there,
too, but
my wife assures me I did not. I was also informed, later on, that
there were
two people over there smoking Salvia earlier that night, and now
I wonder if
that could possibly account for some of the disassociative quality
of my
trip.
We returned home, and I was still unsure as to the "who, what,
when, where,
why, and how" of the situation. My wife asked me some questions,
but I
wasn't entirely sure what she was saying, and kind of just went
"uhhhhh...
uh huh.." and nodded my head. It was then that I remembered that
I had
written some things in my notebook, so I grabbed it, hoping that
it would
help jog my memory. I found that I was unable to read, and was
becoming more
and more certain that I was clinically braindead. I did not remember
taking
the mushrooms, and thought that I felt the way I did because I
had recently
quit smoking tobacco.
I slowly phased back into "normal" reality, but I would not be
completely
rematerialized until I woke up from a good nights sleep. I feel
that I
missed an important part of the trip (the "reconstruction" phase),
and next
time I would like to have another person around to help keep me
from getting
too lost. When I went into the trip initially, I had a very focused
mind, I
was certain of that- but by the end I felt that my consciousness
had been
sent through an atomic coffee grinder. Confusion reigned, and
I was unable
to hold my pieces together. I can only imagine what it must have
been like
for my friends to see me in that state of mind, since I do not
really
remember anything I said to them..
If I had to summarize this trip into two words, they would be
"confusion"
and "strange". But, despite the harsh descriptions I have provided,
it was
not a trip that I would group into the "bad" category. I feel
that even
though I was unsure as to who I was or what the hell was happening
to me for
a good chunk of the trip, I learned a lot from this experience
and would
jump at the opportunity to try it again, albeit I probably need
a month or
two for the lessons learned to completely sink in.
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