================================================================================ >:::The following added 1999/08/10 23:42 by JY01STU >:: Vacuum boy B. S. E. VB VS. VB Everything was peaceful in Cape Girardeau. Ut and the rest of Villainous Punch had seemingly been killed. The Sodexho Slasher, although it had originally been thought to be a disgruntled cafeteria worker, was revealed to be Carol Coventry possessed by a demon, and both had been banished back to hell. murray had accepted the loss of his body as a part of the banishing ritual and had reacclamated himself to being just a head. The heroes were relaxing on top of the Lovechicken's garage in Cardiac, lounging inthe warm spring sun. They were so at peace there that Jared had fallen fast asleep as he lay there. Chopper the Goalie III and Chet got up to play a short game of field hockey, while Progger put a CD into a nearby boom box. The loud, jarring voice of Geddy Lee made Jared wake up with a start. "Dammit, Progger," he shouted. "I washaving a great dream about this date I was on. It was going really well, and..." Vacuumboy laughed. "That had to be a dream then, 'cause you can't get a date to save your life." "I've tried," the hunter whimpered. "I just keep striking out." Just then Chet leaped to block a shot from Chopper. "WeeEEeauUAuaghgagh!" he screamed as the shot flew past and he landed on top of Progger's Cd player, smashing it to bits. "Oh MAN!" said Progger as he rolled RecklessBoy off of the smashed machine and started to do repairs on it. "The Cd broke in half!" "sorry," said Chet. "Here you go." And he pulled out of the folds ofhis garment a pirated copy of the same CD. "cool," said Progger. "Where'd you get this? Wait. It's a pirate. I can't accept this. There are millions of starving prog rockers out there that need my money. I can't let them go hungry." "Dude, that money would just go to their agents anyway," rationalized Chet. "You're right," said Progger and he graciously accepted the pirated CD. Vacuumboy looked at his watch and said, "well, I've got to go to meet our special guest speaker today before class actually begins." "how do you know you'll... he'll... that the future VB will actually show up?" asked Murray. "Ow. That time travel nonsense messes with my me." "I am consciously now thinking that I will remember to come back when I find a way to time travel someday," said Vacuumboy. "So I'm sure I'll be there. Anyway, if not, I have a backup plan to cover superhero alphabet soup-- you know, JLA, JSA, FF, all that stuff." "Hey before you go, could you turn me over? I want to try to get a tan evenly all over me," Murray requested. Vacuumboy did so, and then left. Jared quicky fell back asleep, and Progger finished rebuilding his CD boombox. "There," he said as he reconnected the speakers. "Now I'll just turn this Rush CD back on, and..." "I don't think so," said a rough-sounding voice from behind him. Progger turned to look at the speaker and saw Vacuumboy. "Why not?" Progger asked him. "And why do you look so different? Your costume is darker, and you haven't shaved in weeks." "Yeah, look at all those patches of hair on his chin," said Chopper. "I thought you were going to teach your class," said Chet. "I decided to take you all to school first," said the now-dark Vacuumboy. He pulled out a gun and shot the Progger through the head, killing him instantly. "What'd you do that for?" screamed Murray. "To show you I mean business," he replied. "Now shut up or I'll put a bullet through your you next!" He suddenly pulled out his minivac and sucked all of the heroes, except Jared, into the vacuum dimension. The Hunter still slept deeply, and Vacuumboy moved slowly and quietly so as not to disturb him. "You I have special plans for, little man!" the evil Vacuumboy said as he slipped a pair of headphones over Jared's ears. "Now my subliminal tape will slowly brainwash you as you sleep here, while I continue on and wreak havoc on my past self's life!" And the future Vacuumboy laughed an evil laugh as he ran on to meet his past self, leaving Jared behind in a hypnotic trance. ================================================================================ >:::The following added 1999/08/17 23:04 by JY01STU >:: Vacuum boy B. S. E. Meanwhile, Chopper, Murray, and RecklessBoy had found themselves in the vacuum dimension, alongside the Progger's corpse, the picnic basket they had packed for lunch, the rebuilt CD player, and a large portion of Cardiac Hill. "Oh, man," said Murray. "I had enough trouble navigating around in here when I had a full body!" "Where exactly is here?" asked Chet. "We're in the vacuum dimension, one of the university's official residence halls only accessible via Vacuumboy's portals," explained Chopper. "How'd you know that?" Murray asked. "I have the memories of all the other Goalies ingrained in me, so that I can seamlessly interact with you as if I were one of them," said the Goalie III. "Now we must be quiet, otherwise the Platypus Rex might hear us and attack." "He's right," Murray said quietly to RecklessBoy, "although I'm not exactly sure I fully trust him yet." Suddenly they felt a great disturbance in the fluid atmosphere all about them, and they knew that something was approaching them, something big and fast. "Oh no!" cried Murray. "It's coming back! It got a taste for my body last time and it's going to bite my head off again!" "But you're JUST a head, Murray," said Chopper. "Oh, yeah. Well then I have nothing to worry about. But you guys are about to become platypus hors d'ouevres," Murray sighed in relief. But what was quickly approaching them was not the platypus rex. It was instead a gianthockey stick, swaying back and forth to swim effortlessly through the fluid atmosphere. And sitting atop the stick was a much older looking, very disheveled Progger. "Progger?" asked Murray. "How did you get here?" "Seven... seven... n-n-n-no tomorrow," said the old Progger as he slid down the stick. "I thought he liked prog," Chopper asked, "not the Violent Femmes." The Progger came up close to them and inspected them all without showing a hint of recognition until he came to Murray's head. Then suddenly his face lit up and he cried, "Murray! You survived! But where is the body I built for you? did that fiend destroy it when he killed the others mercilessly?" "What are you talking about?" Murray asked. "What body?" "The trauma must have somehow affected your memory, good friend," said Progger. "But that doesn't matter. You still came to rescue me, after all this time." The Progger turned toward Chopper and said, "And you've brought with you a new clan of heroes to help us escape and end Vacuumboy's reign of terror. This must be the Goalie VII. And you," Progger now addressed Chet, "Who might you be?" "I'm RecklessBoy," said Chet. "And you're the one with amnesia if you don't recognize me." Just then the CD player sprang to life, Geddy Lee's golden voice rang out, and another Progger popped into existence. "WeeEEeaaUAughG!" cried Chet. "Now just what the heck is going on here?" asked the new Progger. ================================================================================ >:::The following added 1999/08/18 21:54 by JY01STU >:: Vacuum boy B. S. E. Meanwhile back in class, Vacuumboy was wrapping up discussion of Watchmen. "So what did you think of the characterization as a whole?" he asked the class. One student in the back of the room replied, "Well, I thought Ozymandias was very well-written. I definitely identified with him. I mean, if you could foresee a way to end war, you'd have to do it no matter what the cost, right? The ends justify the means, right?" "Great point," said Vacuumboy. He then went to his desk and wrote the student a pass. "Go see the counselor right now please." The student took the pass and left the classroom. "So what about the rest of you? anyone else think a million people dying is a small prie to pay for world peace?" No one answered. "Good. True heroes wouldn't. What else did you enjoy about the story?" "They really nailed what it's like to be the kid of a superhero," said Son of Sam I Am. "Oh yeah," said Kid Wicker. "The intense pressure to join the familybusiness... I just wanted to be a gardener but Dad said "No, the Wicker legacy must live on." It's rough." Just then there was a knock at the door. "Oh, class, this should be the guest speaker I asked to come talk to you today about the dangers of time travel in superheroing." The door opened and a student in the front row shouted, "Hey, he looks just like our teacher!" The future Vacuumboy shut the door behind him and said, "Thanks a lot, Mr. Observant." "You're welcome, sir," said the student. "You must be from the future to know my name like that." "What was your first clue?" said the future Vacuumboy sarcastically. "Well, our teacher mentioned the time travel element, but there are many other subtle clues which led me to this theory, which only one with astute skills at noticing things would catch. These include..." ================================================================================ >:::The following added 1999/08/18 22:36 by JY01STU >:: Vacuum boy B. S. E. "Well, anyway," said the present Vacuumboy, "Does anyone have a question for our guest about the future?" "Yes," said Weird Stuff Man. "Do the Cubs ever win the World Series?" "Sorry, can't tell you," said the future Vacuumboy. "It's the first rule of time travel. You can't give people from the past info about what will happen, 'cause it might change stuff." Upstairs Man raised his hand and asked, "But what about the chaos theory? It states that just by your being here you disrupt things enough to make minute changes that couldhave catastrophic ramifications." "That's true," said the future Vacuumboy. "There is a theory that when you time travel, you actually create a divergent alternate timeline, and can never go back to your original one. You see, there's this thing called Hypertime..." "So do the Cubs win or not?" asked Heartless Bitch. "In my timeline, they win next season, but it could be totally different for you guys," explained the future Vacuumboy. "What else can you tell us about the future?" asked the Aneurysm. "Well, I can tell you that you use your power of increased intelligence to try to find a cure for its side effect, shortening your life by a year," said the future Vacuumboy. "When you eventually find it, you die seconds later." "Dammit!" shouted the Aneurysm. "And I can also tell you all that Untimely Death Necessary to Further the Plot Lad is killed by the Sodexho Slasher next year when she resurfaces," added the future Vacuumboy. "But we already banished Carol to hell," said the present VB. "It wasn't Carol," explained the future VB. "So what happens then?" said the present VB. "Well, you go insane when one of your students dies and turn against your teammates but when they defeat you you go back in the past to try to make yourself evil sooner by killing the kid earlier," explained the future Vacuumboy. He then drew a gun and shot the student through the head, killing him instantly. "Untimely Death Necessary to Further the Plot Lad!" shouted the present Vacuumboy. "NOOOOO!" The future Vacuumboy hit the present Vacuumboy over the head wit his Oreck and knocked him unconscious. He then carried his past self out of the classroom. "Whoa!" said Trippin' Girl. "A real superhero death! Right in front of us!" "What a learning experience!" said Watch Never Seems to Work Right Boy. "now should the same thing ever happen to a teammate, we'll be prepared!" "Do you think he's going to quiz us on this?" asked Heartless Bitch as she wiped some of Necessary Death Lad's brain matter off of her face with a handkerchief. Back in the vacuum dimension, the two Proggers were having a long conversation, while the other heroes calmly sat on the large hunk of Cardiac and ate their picnic lunch. Both Proggers approached them and began to explain the situation they found themselves in. "It seems this other Progger is from an alternate future in which Vacuumboy goes bad," said the present Progger. "In our timeline, all the major villains disappeared before they could kill anyone, Labelmaker, Chiggerman, Dr. Nowhere, all of them," said the future Progger. "Apparently when a dead villain was pulled out of the past to fight us again, they were being pulled from their timeline," said the present Progger. "So when we actually had to fight a villain, lives were lost, and Vacuumboy, the leader of the group, snapped," said the future Progger. "In our time period, the Hunter leads our group," said Chopper. "What's wrong with you, boy?" said Murray. "Jared thinks he runs the show, but Vacuumboy's really in charge. If I had hands, I'd smack you." "Sorry. I'm new." "Obviously." "Anyway," the future Progger went on, "he went bad and turned against us. He killed all the heroes on campus but me, Murray, and Johnson the Goalie VI." "In their timeline, Murray," the present Progger interrupted, "you can't regrow your body and he built you a robotic one." "But right when we were getting ready for our final onslaught, he attacked us. He sucked me in here, apparently inthe hopes that he could use my super-intelligence to build him weaponry, but the others..." "What I don't understand," asked RecklessBoy, "well, one of many things you just said that I don't understand, is just how did this future Vacuumboy get back in our time?" "The Lovechicken has a dimensional portal, which I assume he used to come back here for reasons as of yet unknown" said the present Progger. "What I don't understand," said the future Progger, "is how you appeared out of nowhere." "That prog Cd revived me after the evil future VB killed me," said the present Progger. "Prog? What's that?' asked the future Progger. "Our timelines must be very different indeed," said the present Progger. "So how do we get out of here?" asked Chopper. "All I really got out of what you just said is that Vacuumboy went bad, and I want to bust his head." "We'll work on constructing a device to transport us out of here, using spare parts like my future counterpart used to build this vehicle," said the present Progger. "Yes, but it'll take a while," said the future Progger. "Ohhhh," whined Chopper. "but I wanted to bust his head NOW!" "Don't worry," said Murray. "There are plenty of bad things in this dimension that you can smash real good." "Yipee!" shouted Chopper. "So your name isn't an acronym for Particularly Responsible Omnisci ent Genius, Edgar Robbins?" the future Progger asked his present self as they began to work on the device to rescue them. ================================================================================ >:::The following added 1999/08/19 16:46 by JY01STU >:: Vacuum boy B. S. E. "You fiend!" shouted the present Vacuumboy, who was shackled to the wall in his future self's secret base. "If you think that killing my student will make me turn into you, guess again. I'll never go evil!" "Come on, VB," the future Vacuumboy said to his heroic former counterpart. "Give up the happy heroic white hat you wear for the dark side. It's like they say. Once you go black, you never go back." The present Vacuumboy, although his student's demise at his own future self's hands had upset him terribly, was still a far cry from insane. "I've witnessed heroes die before! Countless times! I'm used to it now that I've accepted it as a part of the job. But that doesn't mean I won't make you pay for what happened." "Now this just won't do at all," said the evil future Vacuumboy. "I mean, the whole "kill me, 'cause then you'll be evil" thing didn't work in Return of the Jedi and it won't work here. Besides either way I'll be dead and not able to reap the benefits of the badness. So I'll have to come up with another plan to turn you malevolent." "I'm too strong," said the present Vacuumboy. "Torture, brainwashing, nothing will affect me!" "Oh no?" said the future Vacuumboy. "It worked on your friend." The evil Vacuumboy led a figure out of the shadows into the light to reveal his identity. "Hunter!" shouted Vacuumboy. And it was he, only somehow changed, not just in appearance which was admittedly now even more freakish than it had been before, but also demeanor. Jared hunched over and frowned, his eyebrows bushy and large. "What happened to you?" "He is no longer the Hunter!" explained the future Vacuumboy. "I have conditioned him to become the right hand man in your army that will take over the university. I subliminally brainwashed him to blame his fellow heroes for his dating problems. Now he is The Lonely One!" "No!" "yes!" said the future VB. "And I will do the same to you now." "No!" "Yes! You shall watch these videos until you go insane. Then you will lead your villainous army the JLHA, which will be populated with many of the denizens I recently freed from captivity in the vacuum dimension." "what videos?" asked the present Vacuumboy. "No mere movie will make me go mad and form some evil organization. The JLHA? What's that supposed to mean?" "The Jennifer Love Hewitt Association," said the future Vacuumboy. "I will drive you crazy with reruns of Party of Five!" "NOOOOO!!!!" screamed the present Vacuumboy. "Hey Edgar?" the present Progger called out. "Yes, Progger?" asked the future Progger, Edgar Robbins. "What's that beeping noise coming from the hockey stick thing you built?" asked the Progger. "OH NO!" cried out Edgar. "Everyone come quick!" Chopper and RecklessBoy floated over to see what was wrong, carrying with them the picnic basket that had held their lunch. "Where's Murray?" asked the future Progger. "We'll need his assistance to deal with this threat." "I'm right here," said Murray, poking himself out of the basket. "This better be important, Edgar. I was trying to take a nap." "It's VERY important," said Edgar. "This device is a warning device I built to warn of a coming attack. But recently the future Vacuumboy pulled most of the regular villains out of this dimension to join his army. So I reset the warning device to only register very large attackers. And now it's going off. You spent some time here, Murray, so maybe you can help us figure out what's coming for us." RecklessBoy held Murray up to the display, and Murray analyzed the data. "I have no idea. It's even bigger than the Platypus Rex. And it's coming fast too." "Weeaugh!" screamed Chet and dropped Murray. "What?" asked Chopper the goalie III. "Do you see the beast?" "No I just slipped and dropped Murray is all," said Chet. "Well, we need to work double time on this device," said the Progger. "Maybe we can get out of here before it comes." "You're right," said Edgar. "Let's get back at it." "Weeaugh!" screamed RecklessBoy as he bent over to topick Murray up. "What?" asked Chopper. "did you drop Murray again?" "No! Look!" And Chet pointed off into the distance. The heroes followed his finger in the direction it was pointing, and saw off on the horizon a shark the size of a semi, with a mallet shaped head and skin with a motley design on it. "oh no!" screamed Murray. "The Hammerhead Harlequin! We're doomed for sure!" ================================================================================ >:::The following added 1999/08/24 23:50 by JY01STU >:: Vacuum boy TA As Vacuumboy seemed almost doomed to being driven insane by yet another episode of Party of Five, relief came in the form of theGreat Unsociable and Mofo. "Thank God you guys are here," Vacuumboy whispered to them as they floated before him, barely obscuring his view of the screen. "After this episode, my future self told me he'd be putting in Trojan War. With both Jennifer Love Hewitt and that guy from Boy Meets World together, I'd have gone mad for sure." "i'm sorry that we can be little more help than to distract you," said the Great UnSociable. "But since we're visiting from the spirit world, we're transparent and so we can't fully block the screen." "And I also wanted to apologize,old friend, for the poor warning that Barnie gave you during your trial," said Mofo. "You mean about Back to the Future? That really confused me," whispered Vacuumboy, not wanting to disturb the Lonely One, who was supposed to be guarding him but had fallen asleep. "Yes, that clue was actually meant as a warning for this adventure. Sometimes when you deal with seeing the past, present, and future all at once things can get confusing," said Mofo. "so what was the deal with the denim denizen jr. anyway?" "Uht made a clone of him," said the Great unSociable. "Really? How?" asked Vacuumboy. "With those machines over there," said Mofo, and he pointed to the device that the Lonely One had propped himself up against as he slept. "What? But we destroyed Uht's base. How could my future self have Uht's equipment?" "You destroyed one of Uht's bases in one timeline," said the Great UnSociable. "In your evil counterpart's timeline, he had several. This is one of them." "This is all information you must remember, because you will deal with Uht's clones again later," said Mofo. "Wow, thanks you two. You guys sure are being helpful for once. Usually you just give me a little hint of what's to come and poof you're gone," said Vacuumboy. "Well," explained Mofo. "i felt really bad about Barnie's misinfo and thought I'd make it up to you by getting you through this." "Don't worry now," said the Great UnSociable. "We're taking care of everything. Reinforcements are on the way." And with that they disappeared, leaving VacuumBoy alone, smiling to himself about his insured victory despite the annoying girl on the video screen in front of him hocking pimple cream and looking like a twelve year old. As Jared the Lonely One slumbered, he dreamed of many beautiful women surrounding him. He was in the midst of an orgy and loving every minute of it. Of the women, he only knew a few of their names. One called herself mistress Esmorelda, and she led a group of four women dressed as dominatrixes. Another was named Presumptious Girl. The others he did not know, but they were naked and didn't seem to mind. they all knew his name. They shouted it quite often. And betwixt their impassioned cries, he would hear whispering in his ear. The voices close to him would say, "i'm so glad you're a hero, hunter! Otherwise I would never want to do you." Or one would say, as he and she climaxed together, "Jared, if you were evil, you wouldn't be such an excellent lover!" Or, "None of us would be naked if not for you standing by your hero friends." And as Jared experienced this Land of the Undead Jewish Conf Characters-induced wet dream, his brainwashing was slowly being undone. And in the vacuum dimension, Octagoal Charlie and Valenn were giving the two Proggers advice on how to make the device that would help them escape. "Thanks, Charlie," said Edgar. "I don't think we ever would have gotout of here without your super intelligent mathematial skills working together with ours." "Yeah, thanks," said the present Progger. "I'm real sorry I never got a chance to meet you when you were alive. We could have come up with some neat stuff together. It's too bad you were killed in the little tyke's onslaught of the sjs hq." "I don't blame him," said Octagonal Charlie. "He didn't know what he was doing." At the same time Valenn was advising RecklessBoy, Chopper, and Murray. "Each of you has a vital role to play in the plan if it is to succeed, so keep on your toes. Murray, you'll have to remember how to deal with threats here in the vacuum dimesion." "The way we dealt with the platypus rex was that it ate me," said Murray. "And that's not going to work this time, since I'm just a head." "there was more to it than that," said Valenn. "Just think and it will come to you. Chet, just do what you normally do..." "You mean break stuff accidentally?" interrupted RecklessBoy. "Yes, but only after you get home. It's very important that you not break anything until you get home, ok? And you Chopper, use your skills to the best of your ability, and don't be afraid of your rage, it can help you. If you redeem yourself today, the others will finally consider you one of them." said Valenn. "Alright!" said the Goalie III. "Now we must go," said Octagonal Charlie. "Good luck!" And with that they disappeared. And with that the Hammerhead Harlequin appeared. ================================================================================ >:::The following added 1999/08/28 14:19 by JY01STU >:: Vacuum boy TA "Stab the guy! Stab him! You have a knife in your hand!" shouted Vacuumboy at the images on the screen in fron of him. "His hook is stuck in that guy's neck! He's defenseless! No! NO! Don't run! Oh you're so stupid!" The future Vacuumboy entered the room then, drawn in by his past self's empassioned cries. "did it work?" he asked excitedly. "Have you been driven insane by I Still Know...?" "No," said Vacuumboy. "Thanks to watching MST3K so much I learned that the best defense form insanity is to heckle the movies." "Damn you, Mike Nelson!" screamed the future Vacuumboy. "This plot is not going to work! Henchmen! Come to my side!" And two evil supervillains entered the room. "Vacuumboy, I believe you might remember these villains, the Dark De-kar and Le Mal Jambon. In my timeline they ended up trapped in the vacuum dimension when I defeated them. now..." ================================================================================ >:::The following added 1999/08/28 15:10 by JY01STU >:: Vacuum boy TA "Maintenant we have joined forces wiz your future self in ze Jee L asH Ah," said Le Mal Jambon. "the what?" asked the present Vacuumboy. "The JLHA," said the dark de-kar. "French-canadian bacon over here needs to learn the frickin' alphabet." "Zut alors! I will kill you for zat!" screamed Le Mal Jambon. "Enough!" said the evil Vacuumboy. "Jambon, wake up The Lonely One. De-kar, grab my goody-two-shoes present self. We must return to his time and try something else." "You'll never make me evil!" screamed Vacuumboy. "I'm too strong!" "That may be so," said the evil Vacuumboy. "But perhaps we can make everyone THINK you're evil. My plan is to take you back to your time and assassinate President Nietschke live on KBSI, thus making it appear that YOU did it. Everyone will turn against you and you will have no choice but to go BAD! BWAH-Ha-ha-HA!" "Ok, first of all, when I turned evil, I must have turned stupid too," said the present-day Vacuumboy as the dark de-kar unchained his leg irons from the wall. "I would never reveal my plans to my enemies." "If you were evil, you would," said the future Vacuumboy. "Whatever," replied the good VB. "Second, Uht tried that in our timeline, to make us heroes look like villains. We were on trial and everything. And it didn't work." "It didn't?" asked the evil Vacuumboy. "well, then I'll just have to kill you too and take over myself." And he punched his younger self in the face, knocking him unconscious. Just then Jared and Le Mal Jambon came over and joined the evil crew. "Come, men. We have to go back to the present!" said Vacuumboy's evil self. And he led the villains through the dimensional portal (which he had brought from his Lovechicken to his secret hideout in the alternate timeline's UHT's clone depot). "Lonely One, bring my vacuum!" said the evil Vacuumboy as he went through, followed quickly by Le Mal Jambon, and the Dark De-Kar (carrying the good Vacuumboy). Before Jared stepped through with the evil Vacuumboy's brand new battery-powered Hoover lightweight, he said to himself, "It's a good thing that they haven't yet realized that I'm back to my normal self. I can keep pretending to be one of them, 'til the KBSI people arrive and then I can sneak off to reveal the plot to Ron Fehr, secret identity of the Media Watchdog!" The Hunter hoisted the vacuum onto his back, hunched over to maintain the ruse that he was still evil, and stepped through the portal. "fight it off!" screamed the present-day Progger to his fellow heroes. "we've almost got the device completed!" Chopper and RecklessBoy both attacked the Hammerhead Harlequin simultaneously, to no avail. "it's going to get us," said Edgar Robbins, the future Progger. "We're going to d-d-die. N-no t-t-tomorrrrrow for ussssss. Seven, seventh floor. D-d-doomed. Seven, seven, n-n-no tomorrow." "Knock it off!" screamed the present day Progger. "edgar, I need your head in the game! Work with me!" As this went on, Murray floated nearby, watching the Goalie III and Chet fight the Hammerhead Harlequin, thinking about the words of advice given to him by the undead Jewish conf characters. "think!" he said to himself. "I've got to use my me. How did we beat the platypus rex? I've got to remember!" And remember he did. He thought back to recent events, when he last lost his body. Carol Coventry had seemingly lost it when she found out that Sodexho would not be returning as food service provider, and had seemingly begun killing people involved in the deal. But a visit from Godboy had revelaed to the heroes that Carol was in actuality possessed by a demon. While the other heroes were fighting off Carol in their climactic battle, Godboy had pulled Murray aside and said that if they killed her, the demon would only enter someone else, unless there was a harmless thing that he, Godboy, could force the demon into. And so, Murray had decapitated himself just as Carol was killed, so that Godboy could put the demon in his body and banish it back to hell. "It does no good to wish I still had my body," thought Murray to himself. "It'd be great if we could appease the Harlequin's hunger that way but we can't. I'll have to think of something else." And then realization came to him. "Hey guys!" he screamed to his hero friends. "You can't attack him at the same time together! You have to attack him from both sides one at a time to keep him distracted!" Choper and RecklessBoy immediately enacted Murray's plan. Chopper would stand at one side and pelt the shark with hockey pucks, drawing the beast's attention towards him. then he would suddenly stop and RecklessBoy would attack, throwing all the contraband he possessed at the beast and drawing it towards him. The beast would only attack the immediate threat on himself and would get distracted from the other opponent. "It's working," shouted RecklessBoy as soon as Chopper again began shooting pucks at the Hammerhead. "that's using the old you!" "Thanks!" shouted Murray. "Let's just hope we buy the Proggers enough time to get the device completed so we can get the hell out of here before the shark catches on." ================================================================================ >:::The following added 1999/08/29 16:38 by JY01STU >:: Vacuum boy I like Kevin Bacon but I hate Footloose the evil Vacuumboy had used the dimensional portal to bring them back to the present right in the middle of a press conference in Academic, during which President Nietschke was announcing who the guest speaker would be at graduation that year. "It pleases me to announce that out guest speaker will be someone very important and well-known in our region," said Dr. Nietschke. "Is it a political figure," asked the Newschannel 6 reporter. "Well, he used to be," said Dr. Nietschke. "So a former Missourian senator?" asked Mike Shain of KFVS. "No, he's from Illinois," said the university president. "So it's somebody who used to be somebody important somewhere else," commented Mike Shain. "that's great. And how much are we paying him?" "It's in the five-figure range. And he'll get an honorary doctorate for talking for five minutes," explained Dr. Nietschke. "And we'll bring it to you commercial-free!" said the KBSI guy to the camera. Just then the evil Vacuumboy, his present day counterpart, and the evil henchmen arrived. "If anyone moves, I kill you," said the evil VB. "Who the heck are you guys?" asked one of the reporters for the Southeast Missourian as he stood up. Vacuumboy pulled out a gun and shot the reporter as well as a few others standing next to him. "I am Vacuumboy, and I am here to take over this university." Vacuumboy came up to the front of the stage where Nietschke stood and pushed him out of the podium. "From here I will begin my quest for world domination." "But isn't THAT Vacuumboy there?" asked the commercial-free zone announcer of KBSI, pointing at the hero being held in shackles by the Dark De-Kar. The evil Vacuumboy used his gun to shoot the announcer in the head six times. "YAY!" cheered a few members of the crowd of journalists, who were each in turn shot and killed by the evil VB. "The rest of you shall watch now as I kill the current president and take control of his throne," said the evil VB. He pointed his gun at Nietschke, who was being held in place by Le Mal Jambon. Just as he was about to fire, Jared leapt up and punched the evil VB in the face. The gun went flying from his hands and he fell to the floor in shock. "Everyone get out of here! Quickly!" said the Hunter to the crowd of journalists. As the KBSI cameraman was leaving, Jared yelled to him, "Get Ron Fehr! Tell him to send help!" "But he got transferred to Springfield," the cameraman yelled back and then fled. "Oh yes!" the Hunter thought to himself. "He moved there to help thewhite slut, tyke-bot, and kaufman in their adventures there. It looks like it's just me and VB, if I can free him." Jared ran toward the Dark De-kar, who held the good VB fast, to attack him. "Hey Cheese Ball Testes!" he shouted at the Dark De-kar. "Take this!" And Jared kicked him in the crotch with such force that the Dark De-kar fell unconscious to the floor instantly. But just as VB and Jared were turning to face Le Mal Jambon, the evil VB grabbed the gun and levelled it at the heroes. "Prepare to die, my younger foolishly good self!" the future Vacuumboy screamed and fired. Suddenly the other heroes who had been trapped in the vacuum dimension broke free. They (along with the giant hockey stick, the Cd player, the chunk of Cardiac and the tail of the Hammerhead Harlequin) appeared directly in the path of the bullet the evil VB had shot. It struck the present Progger in the heart and killed him. The Cd player came to life and he was revived. "just in time, guys," said the present day VB. "Now let's clean up this mess." And he and his fellow heroes sprang into action. ================================================================================ >:::The following added 1999/08/31 15:46 by JY01STU >:: Vacuum boy I like Kevin Bacon but I hate Footloose "NO!" screamed the evil future Vacuumboy. "I cannot allow you to defeat me!" And as the heroes leapt towards him he fired shot after shot from his gun at them and Dr. Nietschke. When he ran out of bullets, he stopped, calmly reloaded and continued to fire at them. But Chopper managed to protect them all. He leapt in front of the heroes and either blocked or deflected each shot. And as he did so, he carefully dropped a puck to the floor, lifted his stick high in the air, and screamed "Stop trying to kill my new friends!!!" In a fit of berserker rage, he sent the puck hurtling toward the evil Vacuumboy with a mighty slap shot. So mighty was the force of Chopper's shot that the puck flew straight through the wrist in which Vacuumboy held his gun and took off his hand. The evil future VB dropped to the ground clutching his bloody stump. the heroes then looked around at the aftermath of the barrage of bullets. Nietschke was safe, but had wet himself. Le Mal Jambon however had been mortally wounded. "Fils de la vache!" he muttered as he died. "Je suis... le mort." Blood gurgled up inhis throat as he choked on these his last words. "Hey guys," said Murray as he lay on the floor face to face with the Progger. "Progger's dead again." The CD player sprang to life. "Nevermind," said Murray. Edgar Robbins approached the evil future Vacuumboy and said, "Well, former comrade, I hope you have learned something from this misadventure. Evil never wins; no matter what the cost good wil triumph." "That may be true," said the evil VB. "But I'm not done making you pay yet." And he picked up the gun with his remaining hand and emptied it into Edgar. "Me! No!" screamed the present Progger once the future VB had stopped shooting and Edgar fell to the floor. He rushed to the future Progger's side and held him as he died. "I'll make you pay for this, Vacuumboy!" "No you won't," said the evil Vb. "The first thing I learned as a villain is to always save one bullet for yourself." The future VB put the gun against his head and started to shoot himself. Before the bullet left the chamber, however, Chopper had again fired off a puck at the future Vacuumboy that hit the gun and moved it from pointing to his temple to pointing at his right testicle. The bullet completely destroyed the future Vacuumboy's genitalia, and instatly he began to cry, less from the pain than from the idea of what he had lost. "Well, that's that then," said RecklessBoy. "Vacuumboy is still good, we save dr. nietschke, jared's no longer brainwashed, and the bad guy though not dead yet will suffer incredibly before he does die. Looks like it's all wrapped up in a neat little package." "Not quite," said the present day Progger. "there's still the little matter of how we're going to insure that none of this ever does happen." "and look at this mess," said Murray. "all this blood and these corpses. What can we do?" "hey, I'm a janitor, remember?" said the present day Vacuumboy. He c losed his eyes and concentrated and called his Oreck upright to him using his psychic powers. Then he sucked away the bodies of the evil VB, Le Mal Jambon, the dark de-kar, the chunk of cardiac, the tail of the Harlequin, and all the corpses of the innocent bystanders killed, including the future Progger. "There you have it," said Vacuumboy. "What about this other Hoover here?" asked Jared the Hunter. "Grab it, and I'll keep it in the Lovechicken as a spare," said VB. And he and the heroes walked out of the room leaving Dr. Nietschke alone to contemplate what occured. After he had stood there thinking about the events of the day for a few minutes, he said, "That's it. I'm retiring." The heroes returned to where their little adventure had begun: Cardiac. They entered the secret garage and put the spare vacuum in storage on the Lovechicken. As they were then leaving to go back to the dorms, Chet said to the GoalieIII, "Hey man good work saving our skins back there. You really can deflect those shots." "Aw, shucks," said Chopper modestly. "It was nothing." "No really man," said RecklessBoy. "You did great. you're gonna be a great addition to our tea... weeaugh!" In mid-sentence, Chet tripped and his body fell against the controls of the Lovechicken's dimensional portal. "Dude you broke it," said the Progger. "Sorry man," said RecklessBoy. "Can you fix it?" "I'm not going to. Without the dimensional portal Vacuumboy will never be able to travel in time," said the Progger. "Hey good job breaking stuff," said Vacuumboy. "Cool," said Chet. "For once you guys are glad I was reckless. I'm really glad I could help out wit... weeaught!" "Dammit, Chet!" screamed Vacuumboy. "Sorry," said RecklessBoy. THE END