[3/9/2001 2:16:44 PM | steve higgins] "It's taking us forever to get there," said Vacuumboy as he piloted the Lovechicken2 to where they hoped to find the Goalie 4. "Are you sure that The Groom told us the right place?" Quiet Girl could only shrug. "Well we're here anyway..." Vacuumboy brought the craft down to park in front of a rather spacious mansion, and the two got out. "this almost doesn't seem right," Vacuumboy said as they approached the front door. "How could a simple Goalie live in such a grandiose place?" They received their answer when they rang the bell. the door was quickly answered by a man wearing full goalie equipment and a St. Louis Blues jersey. "BRENT JOHNSON?" Vacuumboy squealed with excitement upon recognition of the man before him. "You're the fourth Goalie?" "Shhh..." Brent Johnson, the Goalie 4, motioned for the two heroes to step inside the foyer. He glanced around quickly outside to be sure no one had heard Vacuumboy's outburst before shutting the door. "Now how do you know my secret identity?" Brent Johnson asked. "I was friends with the first three Goalies. We fought crime together down in Cape Girardeau," Vacuumboy explained. Brent Johnson got a very angry look on his face. "You're not the Hunter are you?" Vacuumboy grimaced. "Yuck, no!" "good. I have orders for the goalie continuum to kill that hockey-hating bastard on sight." Brent Johnson paused before continuing. "So then who ARE you and why are you here?" VB quickly explained the situation in Cape to the Goalie 4, but the goalie shook his head silently when the story was finished. "I'm sorry, Vacuumboy. I'd liekto help you, but as the goalkeeper for all of Sector 2814, I need to focus on other areas as well. Besides, the Blues are in mid-season right now,a nd I need to get back out on the road." Quiet Girl quickly scribbled a note for Vacuumboy on her pad. It read, "mid-season? The damn season is seven months long, eight if you count the post-season." "what'd she write?" Brent Johnson asked. "she just wanted your autograph," Vacuumboy covered for Quiet girl. "We're both big fans." "Sure," the Goalie 4 said. He grabbed the pad of paper and signed his name to it, but before he would hand it back to them, he said, "That'll be twenty-five dollars." Vacuumboy looked shock and told Quiet Girl he was broke. Quiet Girl angrily fished some money out of her pocket and handed it over, only so she could have her means of communication back. Vacuumboy was so busy fawning over the autograph that he failed to be disappointed that they could not recruit the Goalie 4 to join their crusade. Quiet Girl piloted the vehicle back to Cape, to regroup with Progger, snider and Kid wicker before searching out the two remaining heroes on their list, Stallio and the Hunter. [3/9/2001 5:59:51 PM | Jared Edwards] Meanwhile, back at the former home of Snider Paranormal Investigations, the Progger and Kid Wicker were snapped out of their state of shock by a ringing doorbell. The Kid was still pretty messed up, so the Progger went up to send away whoever it was. Upon opening the door, however, the Progger was surprised to see an individual that seemed strangely familiar. "Good afternoon, may I investigate whether or not you will indicate that you might choose to facilitate a purchase to replicate the transformation I will demonstrate?" "What are you talking about?" "I will explicate. I was once barely literATE, however, becuase I was fortunATE enough to locate a program to recreate what I should've learned before I was eight." "Don't I know you from somewhere?" "That is affirmative in the perogative and the explicative. We were formerly acquainted until a tainted adventure insinuated that our partnership should be terminated." "Who are you?" "You should know that I use to go by the name of Licko before I found this way to make my intellect grow. Now I am addressed and regressed by all who are stressed as the fresh pressed Verbaless?" "Verbalist?" asked a Progger who was in shock for the second time this day. "No, Verbaless. How many will be plenty?" asked Verbaless as he handed Progger a flier. The flier was for a book. It was titled "How to sound more intelligent while still making little to no sense" or "How I Extrapolate to Communicate in Ways That Facilitate Me to Dominate" by Don King. The Progger just looked at the former Licko and wondered exactly how his return was going to affect the happy reunion... [3/12/2001 12:35:41 AM | steve higgins] "We're not interested!" Progger said and slammed the door in the former Licko's face. Progger turned away from the door to return to helping Kid Wicker clean up the mess Snider had left, when the doorbell rang again. He threw the door open violently and shouted, "I SAID I'M NOT INTERESTED!" "Oh?" said the small blue man floating before Progger. "I must be at the wrong place then." The small blue man started to fly away but Progger called after him. "Wait. I'm sorry. I thought you were someone else." "Oh don't worry," said the small blue man. "People often mistake me for someone else." "Oh really?" Progger asked. "And who is it they think you are, one of those blue sink cleaning product demons?" "Surprising enough, Shaquille O'Neal." "No way." Just then Kid Wicker came to the door to see who was there. "Get rid of whoever it is and help me out. I don't see why I should be the one on brain detai-- SHAQ! Cool! Can I have your autograph?" "It's not the real Shaq, ya doof," Progger said to the fledgling hero. "This is... well, I don't know who it is actually, so it very well could be Shaq, albeit a shrunken bluish-hued Kazaam version." "I'm not Shaq. My name is Hojo and I believe you know my cousin." When Quiet Girl and Vacuumboy returned to Snider's base of operations an hour later, they found a note that read: "VB, Snider's dead. Gone to catch a shuttlebus. P and KW" "Well I guess that leaves it to us to go find the Hunter then," Vacuumboy said. "sorry that Progger's not here to fix your psychic comm device." Quiet Girl dismissed the notion with a shrug. "well we better hurry and find him. We've only got eighteen hours now 'til the heroes rendezvous at Marvels and Legends." And with that, they headed back onto Broadway where the Lovechicken2 was parked. [3/15/2001 7:29:04 PM | stAllio! nGsta] the blue fairy named hojo floated in the cabin of the love egg during the quick trip to towers. normally walking would be more practical, but with the monster on the loose progger & kid wicker didn't want to go anywhere near any sewer openings. "so i still don't get it," said kid wicker. ""this thing is a shuttle that goes to some magical fairy realm?" "to the magickal realm of faerie, yes," responded hojo. "then why haven't we seen it?" "you have seen it many times. you simply never noticed it before. 'hidden in plain sight' is a fey specialty." "okay, i get it now," said kid wicker, who clearly did not. "so then why do you look like shaquille o'neal?" "shaq was once nothing but a talentless hack, a loser if you will, with no real athletic or artistic talent to speak of. he aspired to be something great. & one night he wished upon the north star, & on that night i came to his aid & granted his wish. he still carries some of that fairy magic within him, enough so that you can see it even through your television screen... but naturally you do not recognize it for what it truly is. when you see me, you recognize that i am the source of that power, even though you do not comprehend it. so your mind leaps to the assumption that i am in fact shaquille himself." "wait a minute," said progger, who had been keeping quiet when kid wicker was asking about things that the progger, with his genius intellect, had already figured out for himself. "shaq is still nothing but a talentless hack." "true," responded hojo. "but he is an internationally recognizable talentless hack. he did not wish for talent. his wish was for fame, which i granted." "we're here," said progger as he parked in the priority lot behind the circle. [3/15/2001 7:55:18 PM | stAllio! nGsta] "that one right there is the shuttlebus we seek," hojo said as they got out of the love egg, pointing at a shuttle that was parked in the circle. "that looks just a normal shuttle!" kid wicker exclaimed, still not realizing that was the entire point. "i have led you this far, but i cannot cross over with you," said hojo. "i am stationed on this plane for reconnaisance & wish-granting, & i must not leave my post." with that, hojo flittered off into a crowd of pikes fresh out of a pre-party en route to a kegger, & immediately disappeared. "well here goes," said progger as he stepped up to the door of the shuttle. the driver stopped him before he could board. she looked remarkably human, as did all of the passengers who were already on the shuttle (it was almost full). "we're not going to pig lot," the driver scowled. "that's good; we don't want to go to pig lot either," said progger. "we're not going to academic, nor to the uc. sorry." said the driver, still refusing the let the heroes board. "we're not either!" kid wicker said glibly, then turning to progger said "this is bunk. i can't believe i fell for shaq's story about a magical shuttle to some other planet. i even believed that he wasn't shaq! i am such a fool." progger, clearly irritated, said "quiet you!" then, turning to the driver, he said "our destination is not on this campus. we were told by the fairy hojo that this is the shuttlebus to the magickal realm of faerie." "& what would you want in faerie, biggie?" asked the driver, still scowling. "we need to find our friend stAllio! to bring him back, so he can help us save the city, if not the whole midwest... or even the world." said progger. the scowl softened slightly. "YOU? are friends of THE stAllio! nGsta?" "...the stAllio! who bravely battled his twin brother leRoy! for the throne of faerie, died in the midst of the battle, yet was reborn to finish the deed?" piped one of the passengers. "...yet nobly returned to crown to the great oberon & titania once leRoy! had been vanquished?" said yet another passenger. "that's the one," progger answered. "that guy's an asshole," said one passenger. "he stole my girlfriend." "yeah, he stole mine too!" exclaimed another. "he stole my girlfriend on our anniversary. he actually came up to our table at our romantic dinner & seduced her away from me," said another. the driver, visibly disappointed, said "i guess it can't hurt to take you to the border & see if they'll let you in." as soon as the heroes were onboard, progger noticed that nobody else on board was human after all. in fact none of them looked at all human. many of them merely floated above their seats as hojo had. some had arms & legs that looked like tree branches. one even appeared to have taken root in the shuttle's seats. & every one of their eyes was on progger & kid wicker as they tried to find seats, some eyes merely suspicious, some clearly filled with hate. "sit down," said the driver. "this ride can get bumpy." [3/15/2001 8:12:14 PM | stAllio! nGsta] bumpy it might have been, but scenic it was not. first the shuttle turned on to sprigg street, then onto william, then on to superkingshighway, just boring cape girardeau street after cape girardeau street. soon the shuttle turned off onto a street progger didn't recognize; he didn't think he'd ever seen it before. but it was still just a boring cape street. the drive continued like this, & then it began to rain. hard. & solid. "it feels like it's hailing," noted kid wicker, but progger could already tell it was something far stranger than that. he grabbed a tricorder-like piece of equipment to try to verify what it looked like was happening, but couldn't get a reading through the faerie glass. "it looks like... it's raining fruit." then a tongue of crimson lightning filled the sky. "mmm... juicy..." drooled kid wicker, who was growing hungry. his appetite faded, though, when the rain turned from fruit into what looked like 12" stillettos & other sharp objects. one of the less hostile passengers leaned toward the heroes & said "it's an interplanar storm. this is the easy part. in 5 minutes it will get so rough that not even the armor on this transport could hold it back. but we'll be in faerie as soon as we get over this hill, so we'll be fine." true enough, as soon as the shuttle reached the peak of the hill, it was no longer raining. actually it was, but the curtain of rain ended visibly at the border, which they had now crossed. up ahead was a bus station, where they appeared to be going. [3/16/2001 8:51:46 AM | stAllio! nGsta] "they look like little ants," said kid wicker as he watched the locals through the shuttle window. "how high up do you think we are?" "we're at ground level," answered progger. "they're significantly smaller people than we are. & they generally distrust people our size." "hmm... so remind me why we came to such a dangerous place..." "we need to try to get stAllio! he was a great hero on our team & one of our most powerful allies." "hero?" kid wicker was puzzled. "i thought that stAllio! guy was one of those john constantine-type play-both-ends-against-the-middle kind of antihero." progger thought for a moment. "...i guess that's a more accurate description. he was known to be a little erratic... or maybe i should say 'moody'. either way, he was a great asset to the team. & we're here now, so we might as well try to find him. i guess we get off here." the moment the heroes had gotten off the shuttle they realized that they were now significantly taller than the shuttle itself. even the bus station building was only waist-high on progger, & nipple-high on kid wicker. none of the local fey or larry bothered them or spoke to them, although every set of eyes in the vicinity would occasionally dart in their direction. it was clear that although nobody wanted to mess with them, nobody really wanted them there either. progger, beginning to feel unsafe, reached to his back to feel the reassuring touch of his PROGGtm blaster... ...only to discover that it wasn't there. "aaaaaaaaaack! what happened to my blaster?!"