================================================================================ >:::The following added 1999/08/29 17:03 by JY01STU >:: Vacuum boy I like Kevin Bacon but I hate Footloose Months passed and soon it was time for the heroes to once again return to school. But as they each moved in one by one, they began to notice that one of their group was conspicuously absent. After the first week had passed and their fellow hero had still not arrived they began to get worried. The group called an emergency meeting in the floor lounge. "Just where the hell is Vacuumboy?" asked Murray, who was now a full-grown torso with midget legs. "no one has seen him," said the Hunter. "I've asked all of my contacts all around town and nobody has even heard from him in a while." "you know," said the Progger. "Now that you mention it, I don't even remember seeing him during finals week last year." "But he was just busy with finals right?" asked Chopper the Goalie III. "We all were. that's why we didn't see him then, isn't it?" "Maybe," said Chet. "Maybe he was just really busy then with his teaching duties that he couldn't get in touch with us." "Maybe," said the Hunter. "but that's not like him to not check in with us at all. even he was busy then and is ow, he would still call to make sure there were no emergencies." The elevator doors slid open behind them and they heard a voice say "Yousa thinkin' Vacuumboy'sa gonna die?" "Who the hell are you?" screamed the Progger as he whirled around to face an orange-skinned gangly creature with big floppy ears. "NOOOO!" shouted Chopper as he leapt forward to attack the creature. "Jar Jar Binks must die!" "Me'sa Annoying Fanboy, no Jar Jar," said the creature. "and me'sa know where Vacuumboy is." "annoying Fanboy?" said Murray. "But you're dead. How...?" "Exsqueeze me, but mesa in big bombas hurry," said Annoying Fanboy. "Follow mesa and allsa be clear." And so the heroes got on the elevator with this imitation Jar Jar that claimed to be Annoying Fanboy and followed it down to the first floor of the new, completely constructed Towers Complex. "I really can't believe that the university got everything done over the summer," said Jared the Hunter. "I know," agreed RecklessBoy happily. "It all looks so great. Ilove this university!" "I especially love that we all got privates!" said the Progger. "I didn't even ask for one." "It's becauce they know that we, the heroes of the campus, deserve special treatment more than any stupid old Greeks," said Murray. "come, come, good food," said Annoying Fanboy as he led them up Cardiac. "That's a Yoda line, moron," said Chopper, who obviously despised Jar Jar with every fiber of his being. "Mesa sorry," said Annoying Fanboy. "Mesa so braind dead, mesa not know whassa mesa saying." Finally the heroes arrived at the destination Jar Jar was leading them to: Marvels and Legends. As they went inside they were greeted not by Ken, but by a small man with very short hair and a goatee. The man said, "Good work Annoying Fanboy! Hey guys! How's it going?" "who are you?" said Jared confusedly. "Don't you guys recognize me even with the disguise?" asked the man. "Listen to my voice and try to figure it out." "Vacuumboy?" asked Murray increduously. "Yep, it's me." "But what are you doing here and not in Towers?" asked the Goalie III. "And why are you in disguise?" asked Jared. "And how is it Annoying Fanboy is alive?" asked RecklessBoy. "Give me a minute and I'll answer all your questions," said the incognito Vacuumboy. "first though, come downstairs with me and check out my new secret hq." ================================================================================ >:::The following added 1999/08/29 23:10 by JY01STU >:: Vacuum boy I like Kevin Bacon but I hate Footloose The heroes sat comfortably on inflatable furniture in the apartment/secret headquarters of Vacuumboy. They had arrived there finally after taking a secret elevator in Marvels and Legends down hundreds of feet underneath the earth's surface. The apartment was bare, save for the teaching certificate tacked upon the wall, and the neon air-filled loveseats and easy chairs stood out against the blank walls. Murray sat on an inflatable footstool sipping a Grape Berry Splash cocktail, his tiny legs dangling off the edge just short of touching the floor. He took a large gulp and asked, "So just how did you end up here?" Vacuumboy sat comfortably on a ten foot tall inflatable throne in the center of the room. He replied, "That's abit of a long story, but I will explain. You see, when the year was ending, I decided to take my students on a field trip. Ken had told me that if I brought the fledgling heroes by his Cape Cleaning Shop, it would be good advertising, and that he would cut my tab in half." Vacuumboy took a sip of his drink, set it on the inflatable end table beside him, and continued. "So after we went to Ken's Cape Cleaners, I brought the students back to Cardiac to show off the Lovechicken, Progger's secret lab, etc. But when we arrived, the crime computer showed that an intruder had entered the garage. So I sent the kids home and proceeded to investigate." "Why didn't you call us and ask us for help?" asked the hunter, who was sprawled out on Vacuumboy's inflatable king-size bed. "Because you were all in the middle of finals," replied Vacuumboy. "So I slowly checked every nook and cranny of the Lovechicken itself but it appeared to be safe." "You really need to get a car alarm for that thing, dude," said RecklessBoy as he sat next to Chopper on the inflatable futon. "I can hook one up for you, and amplify your speakers, and put cool decals on the dashlights, and..." "Chill out," said the Goalie III, while he got up from his seat next to Chet and walked across the room to the inflatable pool table. "I want to hear the rest of the story. Anybody want to play me?" Jared got up and racked his balls as Vacuumboy continued the story. "After thoroughly searching the rest of the garage too, I found no evidence of intruders but then, all of a sudden I heard a voice from above me. I looked up and saw that the intruder had been hanging from the ceiling the whole time I searched. It was Uht." "Uht?" said Chopper. He broke the balls Jared had racked and said, "I thought he was dead." "Yeah," said Murray as he got up from his footstool and went to the inflatable fridge for a refill. "And how was he stuck to the ceiling?" "With vacuum powers," said Vacuumboy. "I don't think that this is the Uht we knew. He's changed somehow. He could somehow duplicate my powers. And that's not all. As we fought he gained theupper hand and pinned me to the floor. Then some sort of a snout came out of his face and tried to latch onto my head." "That's more than a little phallic," said Jared as he polished the end of his pool cue. "so you escaped by self-destructing the Lovechicken?" asked the Progger, looking up from the inflatable drafting table at which he sat drawing up plans for a new Lovechicken. "I had assumed that the loud boom we heard during finals week was part of the construction." "Yes," said Vacuumboy. "I barely made it out alive. Once I had dug myself out of the rubble of the garage I ran as fast as I could. I assumed that since I made it out alive, that Uht too had survived. I attempted to hide out at the hq of the 7th Floor X-Patriots, but it was overrun by Phi Mu Alphas, so I went to Marvels and Legends, where..." "Hesa met mesa," said Annoying Fanboy, turning from Vacuumboy's inflatble entertainment center, complete with inflatable 19 inch TV and inflatable DVD player with surround sound inflatable speakers. "That part even has me a little confused," said Vacuumboy. "How are you alive and why do you look like Jar Jar Binks?" "Well, before mesa die, mesa want to insure that mesa get to see prequel," said Annoying fanboy. "So mesa print picture of JarJar off Internet rumor website, and give it part of mesa's life essence." "You mean like Spock did to Bones in Star Trek III?" asked Jared the Hunter. "Thassa right," said Annoying Fanboy. "then when movie came out, ken take mesa's life essence to theater and mesa reborn like this. Now mesa can help you fight Uht. Mesa warrior!" "Damn mixing Star Trek and Star Wars!" screamed Chopper. "I oughta kill you where you stand." "Hey Jar Jar," said Vacuumboy in an attempt to defuse the situation. "who's watching the comic shop?" "Oopsie," said Annoying Fanboy as he slapped his head. He then turned around so quickly that his ears almost hit Chet in the face and ran out of the room to go back up the elevator to man the store. "so now what do we do?" said Jared, throwing his stick aside and turning towards the other men in the group. "well, I'm going to remian here working on the schematics for a new Lovechicken," said Progger. "I think it'd be wise if Vacuumboy tried to remain incognito as well. Maybe Uht will think that he was killed in the explosion. The rest of you should probably go back to campus and act normal. But stay on guard. If Uht is alive, he could attack at any time." "But it's just Uht," said Murray. "That's true," said Jared the Hunter. "We can handle him." "Yeah," said Reckless Boy. "Let's go back to Towers." As they left, Chopper asked, " would anyone mind if, on the way out, I bashed JarJar's floppy ears into oblivion?" "Control that berserker rage, there, Chopper," said Chet. "Yeah," said Murray. "One or two body checks, and maybe a slash, but that's all." "Oh man," said the Goalie III dejectedly. ================================================================================ >:::The following added 1999/09/12 16:13 by KR53STU >:: The Hunter Another Victim of the System! A couple of weeks went by with no attack by Uht, and the heroes began to get complacent. The new Love Chicken was complete and secure in it's new garage under Houck Stadium (now much closer to Vacuumboy although less convinient for everyone else). Vacuumboy stayed underground only by staying in disguise...he did still have responsibilities outside of superheroing, after all. This semester it was the Hunter that was preocuppied. He spent hours every week volunteering to teach strength training to new superheroes who intended to rely soley on force. His first lesson was how to find superheroes with special powers to act as back ups. Unfortunately, he was realizing that most of these heroes were just strong, they didn't have superhuman strength, and for that, he pitied them and their chances at survival. The distraction was probably why he was the first to be attacked when EVIL decided to make its move. ================================================================================ >:::The following added 1999/09/12 16:27 by KR53STU >:: The Hunter Another Victim of the System! The Exceptionally Vile International League (EVIL) chose the Canadian Contortionist (in the body of Air Flow) to attack the Hunter. The Contortionist curled himself up under the seat of the Hunter's truck while he was refueling at the local drive-thru gas station. When he got to his internship site the Contortionist uncurled himself behind the Hunter, grabbed him, and rode the winds high into the sky. "Let me go!" screamed the Hunter as he struggled. "If you don't quit fighting me, that is what I will do," said the Contortionist, who had need every bit of his flexibility to wrap the Hunter up and hold on. "Ok," conceeded the helpless Hunter who wished that he could fly or teleport or something. The Contortionist used the powers of Airflow to return the Hunter to the Johnson Faculty Center. "I could kill you know," said the new and improved Uht, "but I want to gloat over all of you together. I will, however, be borrowing this hair if you don't mind..." ================================================================================ >:::The following added 1999/09/13 02:46 by KR53STU >:: The Hunter Another Victim of the System! The Hunter was soon escorted to a dungeon where he found that the door, window bars, and walls were all electrified to the point that touching them rendered him unconscious for several seconds. Realizing that breaking out was impossible, the Hunter wished for the second time that day that he could teleport, and sat down (in the middle of the room) to contemplate how he ended up in this situation. "I guess," said the Hunter aloud, "they picked the best thing to neutralize my strength. I was stuck once I was that high. I should have made him drop me, but I thought that he would have to land somewhere. Once he did, my strength would be enough for me to break free. Once he did land, it was here. I bounced several of the villains, who have all taken the form of deceased heroes, off the walls, but that stopped when Uht decided to get involved. I felt like laughing until I realized that his strength exactly matched mine. Neither of us had an advantage, but with him equaling my strength, the others pitched in to subdue and bind me. Uht somehow even knew how long the cables would hold and got me down here right before I broke free. I can't figure out what happened to him, but I hope that when the homing device leads the others to my truck that they don't underestimate Uht anymore." At that moment, the Hunter's thoughts were interrupted by EVIL's second victim. "Hisa Hunter. Meesa Jar...uh...Amazing Fanboy...yousa remember?" The Hunter simply glared at the only conceivable way for imprisonment to be worse as it stood before him incarnate. "Meesa felt horrible bad abouting getting caught. Meesa felt like the worstest hero evers. But nowsa meesa no feels so bad 'cause yousa here too." The Hunter felt his anger boiling as the awful apparition continued to speak. "Since yousa here, too, that means meesa's no worse than yousa, and yousa's suppose to be a great hero. Meesa thinks it's funny." At this, the Hunter took out rage that he thought he had lost after his long hunt for his stilt. He backhanded the worst idea George Lucas ever had combined with the most annoying man in the world (somehow creating something more annoying than the two of them simply being in the same room) into the electified wall. He wasn't sure, and never will be, whether the horrible head trauma killed it or the electric current. All he knew was that it was dead and frying on the wall. "He REALLY stinks now," said the Hunter before returning to his other thoughts... ================================================================================ >:::The following added 1999/09/14 11:53 by JY01STU >:: Vacuum boy I like Kevin Bacon but I hate Footloose "Wake him up," Uht said to Airflow as he entered the Hunter's cell. "He's knocked himself out by touching the electrified bars and is dreaming." The Canadian Contortionist roused Jared, who woke with a smile that quickly turned to a frown when the body of the Annoying Fanboy was not with him in the cell. "It was all just a dream," the Hunter muttered to himself disappointedly. "Yes, those electric bars can knock you out for several hours," said Uht. "what do you want, you fiend?" the Hunter growled at the supervillain. "Just to provide you with a cellmate," said Uht. "Is it Jar Jar?" the Hunter asked happily. "No you moron," said Uht. "we only are capturing heroes that are actually a threat to our quest for power. The Annoying Fanboy isn't even a threat when he plays D & D, let alone in real life." Uht called for the European Euclidian to bring in the new prisoner. Octagonal Charlie soon came in leading a barely conscious Progger, who was wrapped in a plastic tarp. "what have you done to him?" cried the Hunter, rushing forward to grab his friend and free him from his bondage. Jared let out a scream of pain upon touching the Progger. "they've got me wired," said the Progger to him. "thanks for telling me, but I could have used that info a little sooner," said the Hunter. "The tarp we have him wrapped in is on the same circuit as the bars," explained Uht, "but I turned the juice down momentarily to demonstrate to you why you could not touch him. Now I will turn it up to its highest, so that if you or any of your other heroes come within a foot of him, you will die." "But why?" asked the Progger. "I foresaw that you might use your rejuvenation powers as a means of escape," explained Uht. "That tarp is made of an extremely durable material that cannot be penetrated... unless I want it to be. Now you will not be able to kill yourself here so that you can reborn elsewhere. Nothing can stop me and my genius!." Uht left the cell, laughing maniacally and Jared and the Progger could do nothing but sit and wonder what Uht's master plan might be. ================================================================================ >:::The following added 1999/09/14 12:45 by JY01STU >:: Vacuum boy I like Kevin Bacon but I hate Footloose "i wonder what uht's master plan might be," said the Hunter. "I have no idea. this whole situation has me more than a little confused," said the progger. "Well, tell me what happened and maybe together we can share information and figure out what's going on," said the hunter. "I doubt that's going to happen, since I'm the brains of this operation," said the progger, "but I guess it couldn't hurt." And so he began his flashback: "I had been planning on sending an expedition to the wreckage of Cardiac to salvage some equipment, but everyone had class except Chet. Well, against my better judgment I sent him to recover some of the stuff alone, telling him to be careful and watch out for whatever caused the explosion in the first place, and killed Vacuumboy." (What are you talking about? Vacuumboy's...") "Shh. the walls have ears. Anyway RecklessBoy, who is a master klepto, came back unharmed with some equipment that had only been slightly damaged in the explosion. But once he entered my new makeshift lab, he tripped and dropped it all on the floor. "So as I was working on the equipment, that was when I got the homig signal from your truck. I thought that you had just gone off and forgotten to turn the alarm off again, so I went to your internship site in a huff, ready to yell at you. But when I got there I knew something had happened to you, because the truck was still running. "And that's when Octagonal Charlie showed up. He must have somehow known I would come after you, because it was like he was lying in wait for me. He came up to me, friendly at first. I was surprised to see him in corporeal form, but ignored the fact that he was no longer in the land of undead jewish conf characters becuase i was so glad to see a fellow intellectual. then he jumped me, knocked me out, and I woke up here inthis suit." Suddenly Octagonal Charlie and several other undead Jewish conf characters appeared in front of them. "It wasn't me!" said Charlie. "By the odor of Butz, the plot thickens!" shouted Jared. "GOD HELP ME!" screamed Vacuumboy. "I'M SOOOO BORED!!!!!!!" Vacuumboy had been hiding out non-stop for several days. Progger would not let him out of his secret hq except to teach class and only then in disguise. After watching Law and Order reruns and Total Request Live for days at a time, he had a severe case of cabin fever. "I never thought it would come to this," said Vacuumboy as he picked up his inflatable telephone and dialed it. It rang at the other end and was quickly answered. "Thisa Marvels and Legends." "Hey, Fanboy," shuddered Vacuumboy, "want to come over and hang out with me?" "Mesa be right there!" As Vacuumboy hung up the phone, he shuddered once again. ================================================================================ >:::The following added 1999/09/14 15:32 by JY01STU >:: Vacuum boy I like Kevin Bacon but I hate Footloose "We will explain it all to you in just a moment," said one of the seventeen Hasidic Jews floating before the Progger and the Hunter. "But first we have to apologize," said Agitato the Large. "Wait, apologize for what?" asked the Hunter. "And why are all of you here? Normally we get just one or two of you at a time?" The Progger added, "And what gives with Octagonal Charlie? Is he alive, dead, or what?" "Both, unfortunately," said Octagonal Charlie. "Uht is not what he claims to be," said Valenn. "If you do not stop him soon, he will become all-powerful, so much so that even we are not safe in this realm," said one of the dominatrixes. "We have to go into hiding so he doesn't destroy us," said Presumptious Girl. "Wait, we have so many unanswered questions," said Jared. "Look, here's the deal," said the Great Unsociable. "Uht has cloned dead heroes and placed within their shells the souls of the greatest villains on this planet, all with the intent of devouring everything. That is how Octagonal charlie can be alive, when his soul is still in our plane." "How did he get the ability to do this? I thought he was just a weakling guy, not some genius criminal," said the Progger. "what did you mean, devour?" asked the Hunter. "Devour what?" "Souls," said a voice from above. "I eat souls now." "HE's HERE!" screamed Mofo. "FLEE!" But they could not escape in time. Uht suddenly seemed to appear in the room out of thin air, and while floating there, devoured all 17 Hasidic Jews, 3 of the four dominatrixes, Valenn, Barnie, Agitato the Large, and the Great Unsociable before the remaining undead Jews disappeared into another dimension. "By the 12 tribes of Israel," shouted Jared, "you'll pay for that!" "No, I don't think I will," said Uht. As he spoke, his snout was slowly morphing back into the shape of Uht's misshapen and pimply nose, while at the same time his sideburns sprouted long thin curls. "Soon my army of villains will have captured the rest of your fellow heroes and I will become all powerful when I eat them too. Nothing can stop me now!" ================================================================================ >:::The following added 1999/09/14 16:32 by KR53STU >:: The Hunter Another Victim of the System! "How did he know they were here?" wondered the Hunter outloud. "I don't know," replied the Progger. "The undeads are usually much more careful. The villain has never known they were around before." "Last time someone died in this cell I awoke to find that it was a dream," stated the Hunter. "That's really..." "I know," said the Hunter, "sounds kinda weak to me, too, but maybe..." "No, we're awake," said the Progger. "I don't dream about you. I deal with you enough when I'm awake." "You're lucky I can't touch you, cause you'd be leaving here slowly and painfully." "Shut up," said the Progger. Meanwhile, in Uht's office, some of our heroes' questions were being answered. "It is done," Uht stated to an apparently empty room. "Good...and you did spare grandad, right?" asked the voice from above. "Yes, LeRoy," Uht told the apparition that looked like a negative of the great hero Stallio! 'n Gangsta. "You grandfather escaped although I can't honestly claim that it was because I cared. He just wasn't very close when I started eating. Catching them here so off-guard would never have been possible without you." "I've always hated them for their connection to my brother Stallio! who I hated for taking my kingdom from me. It made me very much an outsider in the oh-so-forgiving land of the undead where even Mofo and Valenn are friends and play a weekly game of poker with Barney the Putrid and the oh-so-butch Presumptious Girl. I was glad to help decrease their numbers for a smaller and easier-to-keep-up-with population." "Good," said Uht, "Then you won't mind furthering the cause. Never bargain with EVIL incarnate...ha ha ha." And with that, Uht lept up and devoured the half fae, half leprecaun, former king, LeRoy... ================================================================================ >:::The following added 1999/09/14 16:58 by KR53STU >:: The Hunter Another Victim of the System! Meanwhile, Chet, Chopper, and Murray were in mourning. "I can't believe he's dead," said Chet. "I never would have thought he would be the first of us to go, well, not counting everyone who already had," moaned Chopper. "It is sad that he wasn't blessed with invulnerablility or rejuvination. I'm going to miss him," wailed Murray. "His body was so cold and lifeless, it looked like he'd been dead for years," commented Chet. "Yeah," agreed Murray, "it looked like there had never been a soul in that empty shell to begin with." "He died of interal injuries and head trauma, according to the doctors," Chopper said to no one in particular, since everyone there already knew. "And to die in the middle of a parking lot, half naked, fighting for your life with a blunt piece of metal as your only defense..." cried Murray. "Exactly the way the Hunter would've wanted to go, that's our only comfort," said Chet resiliently. "Yeah," sighed the other two simultaneously. ================================================================================ >:::The following added 1999/09/22 16:48 by JY01STU >:: Vacuum boy I like Kevin Bacon but I hate Footloose But as the three heroes took the Hunter's vehicle and his dead body back to Vacuumboy's apartment/secret hq to arrange the proper heroic funeral for him, they began to wonder. Murray, lying on the dashboard of the Hunter's truck, turned himself over to look at his fellow heroes and said, "Hey guys. I was just wondering something." "Yeah, what?" asked Chet who was driving. "Why are we taking this so well?" Murray asked them. "Chopper, you're part berserker! Why aren't you ready to bust some heads over this. Don't you think we should try to find out who killed him?" "Well, the reason I'm not that upset is I never really liked the dude," said Chopper. "but if you're up for busting some heads I'm game." "I guess I just hadn't thought about it before now," said Chet. "I was so used to sitting on the sidelines while either Vacuumboy, the Progger, or Jared told us what to do, that I hadn't even considered acting on my own." "What if whoever is behind this is counting on that?" asked Murray. "What if he knows that we're really just sort of backup characters that never have been fully fleshed out, and so is taking out the big guys first." "YEAH!" shouted Chopper, now fully worked up to a rage. "These bastards, whoever they are, can't insult us like that! We're heroes too! We can take care of ourselves! I'm gonna bust some heads!" The Goalie III proceeded to thrash about and foam at the mouth in the midst of his berserker rage. "Weeauyyyyugh!" shouted RecklessBoy as Chopper slammed into him while thrashing about. Chet lost his grip on the wheel and the Hunter's truck careened off the road into a parked car in a driveway. "good work, morons," said Murray who upon impact had been flung across the cab of the truck and ended up behind the seat. "Now what are we going to do?" "Ohhhhhh," whined chopper. "The car's totaled. I don't want to have to walk." "There goes Mr. Bi-polar again," said Murray. "If only I had hands none of this would have happened. I never should have let the human wrecking ball here drive." "sorry," said Chet in response. "Hey!" said Murray suddenly as he noticed something tucked behind the seat with him. "I think I found a clue." ================================================================================ >:::The following added 1999/09/23 21:42 by KR53STU >:: The Hunter Another Victim of the System! Meanwhile, Jar Jar/Fan Boy had finally pulled himself away from the attention starved Vacuumboy. "Damn, that man is annoying. Meesa thought he'd never quita talkin'. Meesa glad to be out, meesa goin to Taco Bell for the latest collectable toys." As the Annoying Fan Boy crossed Broadway, several drunken frat boys saw him. "Look, it's the dumbest thing George Lucas ever did." "Yeah, it wasn't even Greek before it was an actor." "Shut up! It didn't go to college." "Let's get it!" And the Frat boys did the whole world a favor by killing the most annoying organism in hero. Unjustly, they were sent to jail.