>:::The following added 1998/05/20 20:28 by KR53STU >:: The Hunter Hunter Inc.: see kr53stu /w The continued adventures of Jared the Hunter and friends. ================================================================================ >:::The following added 1998/08/24 16:38 by KR53STU >:: The Hunter Shove it up your arse and other greetings... Here is a list of the primary characters of the conf story (and story II) world. Jared the Hunter: Usually known as the Hunter. Has no superpowers, only super strength. Preferred weapon is 400 lb. stilt lost since early in Hunter topic. Hates country music, and prefers techno. First appeared in the tragedy topic. Vaccuum Boy: Has ability to trap villains in the vaccuum dimension by transporting them to it through his upright vaccuum and his convenient hand held. Hates communists. Drives an intergalctic vehicle known as the love chicken. Shares leadership of the team with the Hunter, and has a cooler and more level head. Has a janitorial sense that allows him to sense wrongdoings in Towers South and the location and condition of his vaccuum. Debuted in the Crash topic and joined the team in the tragedy topic. BJ the Goalie II: Predecessed by the traitorous original goalie who debuted in the crash topic, appeared in the tragedy topic, and was defeated and replaced by BJ in the Hunter topic who then went on to star in a limited edition Goalie topic. Is established as a berserker with uncontrolable rage. Powers are granted by high-tech goalie equipment including a razor-edged titanium goalie stick. The Progger: A Hunter topic original. Appeared during Label Maker and Co. conflict. Listens to and uses progressive rock. The Progg (tm) Blaster disentegrates villains with pure music. The Progg (tm) rejuvenator grants the Progger immortallity by reforming his body through prog music in the event of his death. Both of these devices were designed and built by the Progger who provides any other technological gadgetry needed by the team. Left team briefly to enjoy immensely an affair with his true love Gabriel the Gather and her lesbian lover Adrianna the 4th Avenger of the Geets of Er. Soon left the threesome out of boredom of all things and regoined the team. Murray: Created in the Hunter Topic, Murray began as a villain known as the Orange Skinned Mercenary. Was the original thief of the Hunter's stilt and is powered by orange kool-aid. Lost body to the platypus rex inside the vaccuum dimension. Reformed while regrowing body which was again lost during the vampire saga. Is currently just a severed head. Also known for being a true ladies' man. ================================================================================ >:::The following added 1998/08/25 14:55 by KR53STU >:: The Hunter Shove it up your arse and other greetings... Vacuum Boy was the first to return, and he was soon followed by the Hunter. With few heroes or villains around, the two decided to discuss the good ol' days while waiting on the others to return... ================================================================================ >:::The following added 1998/08/25 21:10 by JY01STU >:: Vacuum boy check out conf RHA!! They thought back to bygone days when the Hunter was a much more tempramental person, and antihero who fought heroes such as Mighty Girl, as well as villains such as Hands McGalligan and the Switch Lord. They reminisced about how the Hunter had gradually become a much more heroic person, and how it all began when his original 400lb. spiked bedstilt was stolen from his room by an orange skinned mercenary. They remembered how, since this was back in a time when Vacuumboy stupidly went home every weekend, the Hunter was forced to fend for himself without a stilt for a while. When the orange-skinned mercenary returned and tried to steal VB's Oreck upright, he got sucked into the machine. And Jared, who knew that the merc had stolen the stilt and given it to someone else for several thousand dollars and 50 packets of orange koolaid, went into the enigmatic vacuum dimension after him, rather impulsively. They recalled how VB felt the disturbance in the vacuum force when his vacuum sucked them in, and so he rushed back to Cape, and how along the way he rearended Tim McGraw's tour bus and totaled the car that originally bore the name Lovechicken. Luckily, Tim McGraw was headed to Cape as well, and he and VB became fast friends as Tim allowed VB to accompany him and his wife Faith Hill to the fair city of Cape Girardeau. They remembered how Jared had teamed up with a former villain named the Goalie who had been trapped in that other dimension in order to find the mercenary and escape the monstrous Platypus Rex. When they found the merc, they discovered that orange koolaid rejuvenatedhim and gave him strength, and were almost forced into combat with him. But then the Platypus Rex ate the merc from the neck down, and VB rescued them from the other dimension. They fondly looked back on how Murray, the orange-skinned mercenary who was now just a severed head, had reformed and came to help the group in their adventures, and how upon escapng the vacuum dimension, the Hunter had it revealed to him that the person who had masterminded the theft of his stilt was a former rabbi wannabe whose chances for entering a synagogue were ruined when a freak accident turned his head into the shape of a shuttle bus. Barnie the Putrid, as the villain was known, blamed Jared for this event, even though it was in reality the faults of two minor villains named Mutashun the Transformer and Meta the Morfis, whom Jared had killed in the same skirmish that caused Barnie's deformity. They thought back to how Barnie had planned to join forces with an evil, nomadic tribe of brainless brutes known as the De-kars to destroy Jared, and had thus stolen the stilt as a peace offering to the brutes. But the group had rejected Barnie and taken on their own plan of trying to kill the Hunter, by abducting Tim and Faith anf holding them hostage.But this plan did not work, as the Hunter hated all country music with a passion and thus only cared about retrieving his stilt. VB and the Hunter recalled how Jared, in his solitary desire for his stilt, had searched frantically for the great oracle MOFO, enlisting the help of a leprachaun named Billy O'Heineken and the enigmatic stAllio! to help find the oracle, who was a tree stump. They found him in the microwave room of the seventh floor after a long search, only to watch him be vaporized accidentally and remorselessly by a sorcerer named Valenn, who then tried to appease the Hunter by sending him to where the De-kars held Tim, Faith and his stilt: Pig Lot. ================================================================================ >:::The following added 1998/08/26 15:36 by JY01STU >:: Vacuum boy check out conf RHA!! The Hunter and Vacuumboy continue to reminisce about that battle, about how once there at Pig Lot, Jared was forced into combat with the leader of the De-kars, the Dark De-kar, who had a thumbtack and a chesse ball for genitals. And they reminisced about how Jared screamed upon seeing the DDK's genitals, and how it was heard at Towers and the rest of the group followed the scream, all but stAllio, who went off in search of Valenn to kill him for his murder of MOFO, and how Licko had joined us due to his wanting to witness an upcoming strange weather phenomenon that was to occur soon. VB reminded the Hunter of how the heroes were held back from joining Jared in his fight by Barnie the Putrid's magic, as Barnie and his goons, #36 and 86749, watched Jared defeat the DDK. But while Jared id a victory dance, Barnie killed Tim and Faith with his stilt and fled, so that when DPS arrived, they assumed that he had killed them and he was arrested. By this time, freshmen had begun to move onto the floor, and several of them came bearing canes. When Jared saw this, he went into a rage and killed the freshmen, but was in the process reminded of his own short stint as a Pike himself, about how he had escaped DPS' clutches only to be knocked unconscious when his head collided with a beer keg, and how when he awoke he was a Pike. Jared was able to weasel his way out of that one but his troubles were not yet over. Suddenly the floor's Pike alarm went off as more freshmen arrived, and VB joined the Hunter inhis dispatching of these horrendous Greeks. But this reminded VB of how he had been misled before, for when Jared came back to the dorms to find the rest of his group, the Pike alarm was triggered then as well, and VB and the others accused him of being Greek, and of killing the two country stars. Jared remembered how easily he had realized that the heroes were under Barnie's hypnosis, and that he had fled to PigLot to retrieve Licko, who had stayed there to watch the strange weather phenomenon. This phenomenon began as a rain of cats and dogs, then skunks, dictionaries, and finally, through Licko's control, it changed to a rain of Licko clones, who all flowed into Licko and transformed him into a 80 foot tall behemoth called Umber-Hulk. Just then Licko entered the lounge where VB and the Hunter sat reminiscing, and with him were many freshmen and their parents. The freshmen seemed very confused, since Licko is an incoherent monster, but Jared, who is a master of speaking without being understood and is thus the only one who can understand Licko, divined that Licko was bringing the freshmen to look at VB's room to see what a loft looked like. VB shooed the uninvited freshmen away, while Jared distracted Licko by reminding him of their adventures together when he was the UmberHulk. Jared reminded Licko of how the two of them had gone offto a non-descript hill and found Barnie the Putrid planning an attack using a fleet of souped-up shuttle buses. But the UmberHulk had knocked the buses over on top of Barnie killing him. But Jared reminded Licko that Barnie had, with is last breath, cursed the Hunter and turned him into a 90lb. weakling. Just the thought of this event made Jared cry and cry until he had stained himself with his tears. But Licko brought Jared back from the depths of his sadness, by regaling him with the tales of Jan, the LabelMaker and the Devil's Advoc ate. It began with stAllio killing Valenn and dicing him into bits, and then continued while stallio was distracted while billy revealed to him that he was stallio's father, that his mother had been a fairy, that his grandfather had been MOFO, and that he had a disease known as biggism which the wee people euthanized babies who had it and that had been why he had been taken to Earth, to escape so that stallio might live. And Licko continued the story, saying that while stallio was distracted the evil trio, Jan, LabelMaker, and Devil's Advocate, stole Valenn's corpse and used his power for evil. Jared remembered all this, and how when he had tried to retrieve his stilt from Barnie's corpse after the other heroes had joined him, the evil trio was there, and Jan used her magic to send the others to Jeff. City, leaving Jared there defenseless. ================================================================================ >:::The following added 1998/08/31 13:22 by JY01STU >:: Vacuum boy check out conf RHA!! By this time, the first week of school had already passed. Everyone was already moved back in, but nothing had yet been done because Vacuumboy, Jared, and Licko had been reminiscing way too much. So finally, Murray (whose body had completely regrown over the summer), the Progger (who had not done anything all summer but make frequent visits to the phlegmling planet and had thus not died once), and BJ (who was still his same berserker self, but who had somehow developed a love for all things British over the summer) grabbed them and beat them until they topped fondly remembering the past. "Shut up already!" said Bj as he pummeled the Hunter. "It's in the past! So what if you still don't have a stilt?" "Yeah, who cares?" said Murray to Vacuumboy, who he was holding aloft in an atomic wedgie. "If you get a little sad about the past, just read your transcription of past events that you posted on the Net." "Don't touch me!" shouted the Progger who was cringing away from Licko's greasy self. And with that said and done, the heroes set about actually having an adventure in the present time. ================================================================================ >:::The following added 1998/08/31 16:31 by KR53STU >:: The Hunter Going for the spare... The first adventure to which they had to attend was lunch. (If you don't believe lunch is an adventure then you have never eaten sodexo food) They entered the cafeteria and ate extremely mediocre food. Our heroes then went to return their trays. "Now," said Vacuumboy, "don't get to close to the mangler, freshmen. It will eat your arm off." The group neared the tray return area, and the freshmen began to laugh hysterically at Vacuumboy. "That's a 'mangler'," said one. "You're no super hero," said another, "I'm going Greek, at least they have to be drunk to have delusions." "What?" yelled Vacuumboy as he rounded the corner to see a harmless rolling tray return. "What happened to the mang...I mean the old tray return?" asked the Progger of the Sodexo worker nearest by. "Well," she said, "we came in one day and it was gone. A window was broken, and everything was damaged. We suspect someone stole it." "Oh," said the heroes in unison as they walked away. "You know what this means, don't you?" said an obviously shaken Hunter. "Yeah," replied BJ, "It means if we put the trays up high and push hard, we might be able to hit a worker on the head." "No," said a worried Vacuumboy, "It means the Mangler has finally broken free..." ================================================================================ >:::The following added 1998/09/01 00:27 by JY01STU >:: Vacuum boy check out conf RHA!! "what it REALLY means," said a highly annoyed Murray, "is that I can't just put a plate or a glass on it now. I have to have a whole tray!" "What are you talking about?" the Hunter asked him. "Why should you care? You always take a full tray just with glasses of kool-aid." "Yeah, but I imagine it must be awfully inconvenient for everyone else, I mean," Murray admitted, his annoyance apparently subsiding. "This whole damn cafeteria this year seems to be set up to annoy the hell out of us students," the Progger said angrily. "YEAH!" shouted BJ, his berserker rage escaping. "YEAH!" Murray echoed. "Let's kick some Sodexho butt!" Jared tried to appease the angry mob, which was growing as other cafeteria-goers, who had been crammed into corners, forced to stand in long lines, and deal with waaaaaaay too many Greeks. "But wait everybody! You can take this to the RHA Hall Issues Committee or to the food consultants." "Screw sucko RHA!" shouted Vacuumboy. "Have you seen these stupid new video things?" And the mob started to grab silverware and stab the workers. ================================================================================ >:::The following added 1998/09/01 03:17 by JY01STU >:: Vacuum boy check out conf RHA!! "Damn!" shouted the manager of the cafeteria staff as his workers quickly dropped like flies. "I had figured that this was going to happen but not this soon in the semester. Get out the secret weapon!" he said to a young, short girl who had only recently started working at the cafeteria. The girl lifted up her shirt and exposed her breasts. "you mean these?" she said. "I said SECRET!" the manager shouted at her. "Everyone here has seen those at least once, so please put them away." "Oh, sorry," she said. She and her British roommate went into the back and started throwing biscuits at the rampaging crowd. The crowd was quickly appeased. "The GOOD biscuits! They're back!" a member of the mob called out. "The cafeteria is the home of the throwed rolls!" shouted another and cheers spread throughout the once angry mob. "Dammit!" shouted BJ. "I was ready to bust some heads!" He pouted and silently fumed over his attempt at starting a riot having been thwarted. "You can still go to the food consultation meeting, BJ," said the Hunter in the hopes to appease BJ's rage. "That way you can advise the council to cancel their contract next year." "Don't make me hurt you," snarled the Goalie II. "Sorry," the Hunter hastily apologized. "Well, let's get the hell outta here," said Vacuumboy, who was also disappointed because he didn't get to do an terrorist attack against his archenemies, Sodexho. "Well, at least these biscuits are pretty good," said the Progger, munching away on one hungrily. "Yeah, but did you see the girl who passed them out? She was cute," said BJ, his rage dissolving into pure puppy love. "What's your problem?" Murray asked the Goalie II, who had a dreamy look in his eyes. "I got over exposed to British stuff this summer, ok?" BJ explained. "Back to the point, guys," Jared said, trying to get the group to focus. "We need to find where the Mangler has gone." ================================================================================ >:::The following added 1998/09/01 15:35 by KR53STU >:: The Hunter Going for the spare... "I guess," stated the Progger thoughtfully, "that the easiest way to spot a demon possessed tray return device would be from the air." "From the air?" questioned BJ, "none of us can fly, do I look like UpMan to you?" At which point BJ felt some odd need to lift his shirt in case his face wasn't convincing enough. "Yeah," said the Hunter, "We can take the Love Chicken and search for the Mangler." "You're absolutely right," said Vacuumboy, "but I'll need to check the oil first, I think it's a little low." "While you're doing that," said Murray, "the rest of us can suit up. I know you have a uniform and the handheld in the Love Chicken." "All right," said Vacuumboy. "Everybody meet me in...uh I mean on Cardiac in 10 minutes." As everyone else went to get ready for battle or see about transportation, the Hunter decided to take care of a little over due business. "Hello, Brett, this is the Hunter," said the Hunter into the phone, "Are there any stilts left after the Freshman bunking frenzy?" "Only a really beat up one that won't fit in any beds." "What does it weight...I mean, is it fairly durable?" asked the Hunter. "Oh, it's a mid-weight, about 150 lbs., why?" "I need to use it to...uh, prop something up." "OK, come and get it." So the Hunter, always in shirtless costume ran down to get the second rate stilt. He had procured it just in time to meet the others in the secret garage under cardiac... ================================================================================ >:::The following added 1998/09/01 23:46 by KR53STU >:: The Hunter By the hair on Vacuumboy's toes! There, in full heroesque glory stood the team. Murray, Vacuumboy, BJ the Goalie II, the Progger, and the Hunter. As they boarded the Love Chicken, Vacuumboy told them to wait. "You do realize, that the Love Chicken can't hover over Cape, don't you?" asked Vacuumboy. "Why the hell not?" asked BJ. "Well," said Vacuumboy, "the Love Chicken can either drive on the roads, or it can travel through space, but it's not designed for in atmospheric flight." "That's ok," concluded the Progger, "we can just go into space and use the super powerful viewscreen on the Love Chicken to scan Cape." The heroes all agreed and the Love Chicken was off. ================================================================================ >:::The following added 1998/09/02 18:39 by KR53STU >:: The Hunter By the bumps on Licko's nose... Moments later the Love Chicken had assumed an orbit which kept it directly over Cape. "Viewscreen activated," said the Hunter. "Input magnification of 1,000,000,000x's Mr. Goalie," said Vacuumboy. "Eye eye, jerk-off," answered BJ. "Mr. Progger, what can you tell us about the adversary?" "Dammitt Vacuumboy, I can tell you that if you don't knock that shit off I'm going to crush you," replied the Progger. "OK," said a disappointed Vacuumboy, "What exactly are we looking for?" "Well," said the Progger, "areas of mass destruction, or large catering services, or both." "Got it," yelled the Hunter, "A large catering service on Kings Highway has been destroyed." "Let's go," yelled BJ, suddenly feeling very much like his berserker self... ================================================================================ >:::The following added 1998/09/03 18:50 by EM82STU >:: Walden F. Pond I break legs for money!!! The pushed the "ASS"ume button that created a doorway between the dimension of space and the dimension of the Dept of Transportation allowing the Love Chicken to go from an orbit above Cape to Kingshighway directly in front of the catering services. "Hey VB," inquired Progger,"Why design a device which allows for dimensional travel when all you had to do was put in a couple of jet engines and one of those cool hovercraft repulsor units?" "Because I got this great deal on the device, only $29.99, plus it is only the size of a rather large Tennesseean brain," replied VB, as he opened a side panel to show the heroes the device. "My god, that thing is small!!!" bellowed BJ. "I know. It's even smaller than the leader of the Dek-ars...ya know...wee-ee!!!" commented the Hunter, who blushed as he said wee-wee. ================================================================================ >:::The following added 1998/09/09 10:30 by JY01STU >:: Vacuum boy Gamma Delta Iota... and proud!!! When the Lovechicken landed in front of the catering service, they realized that it wasn't a catering service at all. In fact, it was the secret headquarters of the new Smartass Justice System, which had been disguised as a bakery. "I should have realized that from the start," said Vacuumboy. "They contacted me over the summer and asked me to rejoin their group, since the first time I was up for membership we were off in space." "Oh, yeah, I remember when we went into space," said the Hunter, and he started to reminisce again. "HEY!" shouted BJ, slapping Jared hard upside the head. "Enough with the remembering of old plots! We've wasted enough time as it is!" "Yeah," said the Progger, and then added, "Besides, that story was so long and complicated, it would take several months just to recall it all. The only important part had to do with Gabriel anyway." "What are you talking about?" said the Hunter angrily. "She wasn't all that." "Can you say 'sour grapes'?" said the Progger sarcastically. "Guys," Murray said, trying to regain the group's attention, "focus here. The new Smartass Justice System seems to have died again. We need to search the rubble." "You're right," said Vacuumboy and he turned to the bricks and ash left in the wake of the destruction to look for clues. Everyone else joined in the search. BJ began by hefting huge pieces of debris into the street recklessly, almost hitting several cars driving down Kingshighway. "Hey, watch it there!" said the Progger who barely dodged getting hit by BJ's flying debris himself."You're going to end up causing more damage yourself." "Oh, nobody ever drives down Kingshighway anyway," said the Goalie II, still heaving chunks of the building into the road. "There's nothing of use at all on this road north of Broadway. Or south of William." "That's an interesting point," said Murray. "This bakery must have been the Mangler's destination, if indeed it was the cause of the destruction. There's nothing else it could have been aiming for." "But what did the Mangler have against the S.J.S.?" asked Jared while he methodically searched the rubble. "Or was it just coincidence?" postulated Vacuumboy. "I mean, maybe the Mangler just happened to hit this spot, on his way somewhere else, and it just so happened to be the s.j.s.' hq." "That sounds a little too coincidental to m...," said the Progger before he almost got hit yet again by flying debris. "WATCH IT, BJ!!!" "Geez, sorry," said the Goalie II, rolling his eyes before returning to his task. "I agree," said Vacuumboy. "It probably was a purposeful attack. But why? Any comments, Progger?" Vacuumboy turned to the Progger to ask his opinion, and Progger was about to give it. But then he got flattened by a large piece of debris that BJ was clearing out of the way. "Dammit, BJ!" shouted Murray. "You killed Progger!" "Good job, BJ!" Jared said sarcastically. "I didn't mean to," the Goalie II said defensively. "I've just got a lot on my mind." "Like what?" said Vacuumboy angrily. "That damn British girl from the cafeteria, I'll bet. You really need to keep your mind on what you're doing! Besides, she wasn't all that good-looking." "But she had a British accent," said BJ the Goalie II. "Oh come on! British accents do not a goods chick make," said Vacuumboy. "I mean, seriously, I know you got overexposed toBritish stuff ove r the break because you constantly heard about how cool London was from that girl you know who went there, but enough is enough! The British are lame, man! Accept it!" The Goalie II was about to defend his newfound favorite country by saying how good this girl told him the pubs were there, but he was stopped before he could by Murray. "Hold on a minutre guys," Murray said, holding up his arm to quiet them. He then pointed to the ground where the debris that had killed the Progger was before BJ moved it and said, "Look!" There on the ground was what appeared to be a trap door. "Good work, BJ!" said Vacuumboy, now applauding his efforts. "you found a clue!" "I wonder where it goes," said Jared. "Well, there's only one way to find out," Murray replied, and he bent over and pulled open the door. ================================================================================ >:::The following added 1998/09/14 12:38 by JY01STU >:: Vacuum boy apparently no longer a proponent of free speech Through the trap door was what appeared to be a dark hallway. "This must be the sub-basement level of the Smartass justice System's hq," said the Hunter, stating the obvious. "Duh," said BJ. "Well, since there appear to be no corpses up here amongst the rubble," said Vacuumboy, "my guess is that our answers as to what happened to the heroes in the sjs is down there." "Alrighty then, let's go down and take a look," said Murray. "Heh heh," BJ the Goalie II giggled. "Murray said go down. heh. Murray. Go down. heh heh." "Knock it off back there" Vacuumboy yelled at Bj as he continued snickering. "You remember what happened last time you started laughing and couldn't stop." And BJ began to reminisce about the battle the heroes had participated in at the end of last semester. Just then Barnie the Putrid appeared. "Hey! Look!" said Murray. "It's one of the undead Jewish conf characters." And then he began to reminisce about the other heroes who were Jewish and had gone to another dimension. "Are you here to give us advice again?" asked Vacuumboy. "Yes," said Barnie. "And that advice is: QUIT IT WITH THE DAMN REMINISCING!" "Whoa!" shouted BJ, as he was broken out of his memory by the loud shout. "what's your problem dude?" "My problem is that all this reminiscing is anti-climactic!" Barnie yelled at the heroes. "Live in the now! You have a Mangler to find!" "Oh yeah!" said Vacuumboy. "Sorry. We forgot for a minute there." "hey Mr. Barnie, sir," the Hunter said timidly. "about my stilt..." "Enough about yor stupid stilt too!" said Barnie. "we gave you a new one last year and you got it taken from you again. You're just going to have to make do with this little puny one you have now. NOW knock the nostalgia off and find some badguys!" With that Barnie disappeared. "He's right," said Murray after Barnie had vanished. "We have work to do. Come on." And with that he jumped down into the sub-basement. Vacuumboy followed soon after, as did BJ. Jared stood over the whole whimpering silently to himself over Barnie's decree that he would be stuck with the wimpy stilt. "Come on, you big baby!" the Goalie II shouted up at the Hunter from down in the hole. Just as Jared was about to jump down, he heard the CD player in the Lovechicken come to life for a moment and then out came the Progger. "Hey! Wait up!" he shouted after Jared. When he had reached the trap door, the two heroes jumped down into the dark hallway underneath them one after the other. ================================================================================ >:::The following added 1998/09/17 17:51 by KR53STU >:: The Hunter Another proud member of Gamma Delta Iota... And landed squarely atop someone. "BJ, Murray?" asked the Progger. "What?" they replied in unison from across the room. "Vacuumboy?" questioned the Hunter. "What the hell do you want?" asked Vacuumboy from somewhere behind them. "I found a light switch," said BJ as he flipped the switch and illuminated the room. "Ahhhh," screamed everyone as they were momentarily blinded. After their eyes had adjusted, everyone looked at the stranger still on the floor underneath the Hunter and the Progger. He was clad in baggy clothing with the name Chet on the front of his shirt, and roller-blades on his feet. "Hi Chet, how are you?" asked Vacuumboy. "Shouldn't we ask Chet what the hell he's doing here before we're nice to him?" asked a sucpicious Goalie II. "Who's Chet?" asked Chet. "You are you idiot," said a disgusted Hunter. "No I'm not," said the guy who wasn't Chet, "I just like wearing other peoples clothes." "Then who are you?" asked Murray, "and why are you here?" "I am a new superhero, best known for not giving a shit about safety, so I'll attempt things other heroes won't. As for my name, I debated The Suicidal Tendency, Don't Give A Shit Man, and Sir Foolish, but I decided on RecklessBoy (one word). I was here for an interview. I was applying for a spot on the SJS. When I walked through the door, the place collapsed, a big metal turntable or something ran over me, and the next thing I knew two of you were sitting on me." "Where are the others?" asked the Hunter. "I don't know," stated RecklessBoy, "I was on my way to the meeting room when the place collapsed." "Show us the way," said Vacuumboy... ================================================================================ >:::The following added 1998/09/18 15:52 by JY01STU >:: Vacuum boy apparently no longer a proponent of free speech "So Chet," BJ the Goalie II asked as they continued on their merry way down the hall, "exactly why was it that you were applying for membership anyway? Last I heard the SJS had more than enough heroes." "quitman finally decided to hang up his tights," Chet explained. "and the name's not Chet." "So what kind of powers do you have, Chet?" Murray asked. "It's RecklessBoy, actually," Chet said. "And my powers stem from my inability to accurately warn someone when danger is coming, and the fact that I get into danger a lot." "How is that a useful power, Chet?" Vacuumboy asked. "I do a lot of undercover work, you see," Chet replied. "villains accept me into their midst and then I get them busted. And since I myself am impervious to most kinds of physical attack, only the baddies get hurt. And for the last time it's not Chet. It's Reck..." "So why would a hero group want you as a member?" the Hunter asked. "You'd always be putting them in danger." "Yeah, so please, Chet," the Progger said, "sort of try to keep your distance from me because I have enough bad luck as it is." By this time, Chet was infuriated. He yelled at the heroes as he opened the door to the meeting room, "MY NAME IS RECKL..." "By the Pits of Sheol!" the Hunter exclaimed when he saw the meeting room. The other heroes were equally shocked to see the carnage. Numerous heroes lay stremn about the room, their corpses bloody and torn. Jared began to dash about the room, checking the fallen heroes for traces of life to no avail. "So this is why our floor had no new heroes moving on," Vacuumboy said. "I had thought it a little strange that so few specialty students would be assigned to a specialty floor like ours." "yeah," said Murray. "That guy over there" he pointed to the upper torso of a dead hero in the corner of the room "and over there" he pointed then to the lower half of the same hero's body " was supposed to be my roommate originally. I met him over the summer. His name was immaculate conception man. I wondered why he never showed up." "yeah, didn't you get stuck with a foreign roommate because of it?" BJ asked him. Before Murray could answer, a figure jumped out from under a large pile of dead bodies. "Thank God you're here!" said the blood-covered hero. "I was beginning to think I would never get rescued!" ================================================================================ >:::The following added 1998/09/18 16:21 by KR53STU >:: The Hunter Another proud member of Gamma Delta Iota... "How the hell did you survive?" asked the Hunter. "I'm Kaufman," stated the hero who was apparently Kaufman. "What the the hell does that have to do with it," asked the Progger. "I am Kaufman," Kaufman said again, appearing to be recoverying rather quickly. "Why are you recovering so quickly, are you really even hurt?" asked Vacuumboy. "I am Kaufman," replied a seemingly now healthy Kaufman. "Why are you so weird?" asked Chet (aka RecklessBoy). "Because I am..." "Dammit, we know that now..." "Shut up and let me explain," said Kaufman. "I am a hero, and I derive my powers from the mystery surrounding me. Your wonder and astonishment at my survival was just enough to help me recover." ================================================================================ >:::The following added 1998/09/19 18:14 by KR53STU >:: The Hunter Another proud member of Gamma Delta Iota... "I get it," said the Progger, "mystery and intrigue fuel your power, and the stranger you seem, the stronger you get." "Yes but..." said a distressed Kaufman. "And," said the Hunter, "without that confusion, you get weaker." "Yeah, but please..." said Kaufman as he sank to the floor. "So," said Vacuumboy, "your ability is completely dependent on others' perception." "Yes...no," moaned Kaufman as he died. "Dammit," said the Progger, "We killed Kaufman." "Yeah," said BJ, "you bastards." ================================================================================ >:::The following added 1998/09/20 17:33 by YT55STU >:: Herbie A dirty little crack whorin' GDI "What the hell?" boomed a loud voice from behind the heroes. "Do you all get some sick pleasure from killing others?" The heroes turned to face the source of this voice. "Who the hell are You?" said BJ. "Another one of You, only i am not nearly as nice." she said.