In Loving Memory

of

Tan Ho Yean

(1979-1995)

I must talk about how brave & strong she were in going through her most challenging life. She smiles when you visit her in the hospital, she talks about her studies when she can't get out of hospital. I can't regret over anything now, matters such as why didn't I visit her more often during her last days of her life? Why didn't I spent a little more time with her in her house?

Her mom was relating about what happened the last two days before she left this world, she was allowed to come back home after weeks & weeks at the children ward. She was partially blind when she could come home. I think Ho Yean's mummy is as strong and understanding as she is. She was in pain and she did not want to let me know she's back. So, I haven't got the chance to say my last good bye. She was admitted back to hospital when she had the worst pain, I could remember her mummy saying, "the doctor asked why so late??" Her mom being a housewife & a widow (since when Ho Yean was 4 years old) was quite furious with the remark.

It was then a Monday, Ho Yean passed away on Tuesday, (according to her mom it's on Tuesday, but from what I heard from the nurse at the hospital, it was Monday).

I don't know why, but her mom could not bring herself to call me, thinking I'll be VERY SAD..... I didn't know that she'd gone only after one week. Of course it's only naturally I cried all the way from the hospital to Ho Yean's house to visit her mom.

It was after my usual Sunday School, my mom reminded me to see my friend in need more often. So, dad drove us to University Hospital children's ward (for luekeamia patients). I just have a very funny felling as I walk all the way to Wad 6. I was very scared when I saw her name not on the board under bed #10. Mom ask where's Tan Ho Yean? The nurse replied, 'Who are you to her?'

'She's her friend', mom said pointing at me.

The nurse wasn't sure whether to tell when she look at us. Then she said those most haunting words I've ever heard in my life, "I'm sorry, she's passed away"

Those are the words that really hit hard on in my heart. I could manage to say a few words of blaming mom of not coming earlier, the nurse said, there's no point to argue.

We left in building in total remorse & shock. Silence all the way until we went up to daddy's car. While waiting for dad to pick us up, sitting at the roadside, that's when my tears finally fell.

I just would like to let you know, I had a friend, who laughs a lot & dedicated in her work, yet having to suffer. She comes to my house by bus, go for tuition & lived a normal life, having to walk about bald. She'd always believed that one day she might be cured, even until the last moment. That's why she never gave up on her studies. We try to do our Form 3 projects together even when we're studying in a different school.

From her way of facing life, I didn't have to treat her like some one who'd really sick. That's why I didn't show 'special' care for her, I just treat her my best friend. Make her presents as usual for birthdays, call her every now & then, play badminton, play computer games and exchanging stamps. She gave me some really old First Day Covers. Last but not least, she insists on me having lunch in her house everytime I visit her! It was really good home cook food prepared by her mom. Some of them the Kelatanese style.

I miss her a lot. I don't think I'll ever forget I once had such a wonderful friend. I'm not sure what it means by in loving memory. The memory of our lives together will linger on. This should be a secret between me & her. But I guess it's no harm to let you all know how special & meaningful a friendship could be. I've never regretted anything & we should learn to take things easy.Understand that friends come & go, but the fond memories could last a life time. You can always say prayers for them even you're least expected to.

Thank You once again.

I've come across many meaningful poems about friends, but I think I shall quote the advice gave by the tutor of Jack (played by Robin Williams) from the movie, Jack.

It goes something like ~*~There are many stars up in the sky but very seldom we can see a falling star which disappear very fast. When it does appears on the sky, it will be the most special & beautiful star among all others~*~