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Anonymous
To be submitted to the One Acts-
--Anonymous
(closing the top folder of a stack of colored folders in her arms, and ads it to the stack on the table.)...and Now 4 Vengence. That all of them.
(Pressing his stopwatch.) All of the plays have been graded and they were all pretty good. They have comments on them to tell you what each of you can do to make them even better, for the future. We're going to pass back the folders. Each has a number at the end. If it is a four or below, you're. Remember, even if you didn't get picked, you can still enter them into districts. (Licks his lips, and steps on his toes.) OK. That's about it. See you all tomorrow. Congratulations and apologies. (Takes a small portion of the colored folders and passes them out to the extras. When finished, he exits stage right. Each extra turns to the back of the folder, looks disappointed, and exits stage right. They could be allowed a few disappointing lines here. Tuba takes the remainder of the folders with a grunt, and heads to the drama group.)
Samantha. (Offers the top folder to Samantha, who takes it and flips to the back.) Mike could you take these for me?
(Chuckles) Sure. Here. (Takes the folders from Tuba, and begins to pass out the folders, then turning back...) How'd yo do?
Ah, I got a six.
Sorry.
Speed it up guys, I gotta leave soon. (Exits stage right)
Maybe if you made it a little longer.
(In a cough) Or made a plot Oh. (Clears throat) Sorry! (Randy is kicked by Scott, though he chuckles, as does the rest of the group except for Guy in Black.)
Oh well, see you guys. (begins to exit stage left)
Hey you're still the stage manager.
Yeah. See you Scott. (Exits stage left)
(Still passing out the folders) Michael? (Michael opens it and...)
HeyI'min! I'mnumberfour.
(Clicks his throat) One down, three to go. (Crosses his fingers)
Randy?
(After checking his folder) Drat.
Hey, if mine's picked you can be in my play. (The others in the group agree, Mike passes out to the extras.)
Minetoo! (He has joined the drama group Randy exits stage left.)
Pause(Returns to group) Sc...ott.
(Big Smile) Gotta love it.
Hey, alright Scott! (Pats him on the back The others show signs of approval)
Hey, here's mine! (With a struggle but manages to flip over the folder, while still holding a stack) Cool, I'm in!...(Struggling again)...and...here you go Lucy.
(Checks) Crap.
Sorry.
It was really good though.
Mayeeitwasjust too depressing
Shut up. (Begins to exit stage left) Hey Randy, wait up. I need a ride. (Exits stage left Mike passes out the rest of the folders, when recieved, each extra leaves. Finally, only the three winners remain, along with the guy in black)
Hey, (To the guy in black) You're the last one. You must be the last lucky winner.
Yep, you're number two. Welcome aboard (Offers hand)
Maseltuv (Offers hand as well. Tuba re-entters stage right)
You guys are still here? (Picks up the purse and begins toexit stage right) Come on, get out, I've got to lock up.
Yeah, let's go guys. ("Guys" walk ownstage on the apron. The lights are flicked off, and the curtain is drawn)
(Extends hand.) To writers! (The other three place hands on his and do a huddling exit cheer. The four guys then turn their back to their audience, pause and then turn arround.)
Heyaguysbeen toany erersals?
I went to one, but I had homework to do. I didn't (Chuckle) pay much attention.
This is my first
So the firsttime youseeyour play is the Dress Rehersal? (Scott nods) Kinda dangerous
Have you been to the rehersals?
Well, no, but (Stage jumps near the center.) it's a prettystraightfrorward play. (The others jump off one at a time, the Guy in Black (TGIB) jumps last, as the curtains are about to open.)
IT'S SHOWTIME! (HE has a DEEP voice)
(The writers sit in the front row, next to eaach other. On stage is the set of a play. For irony's sake, make it one of the others being performed, with the actual actors, except that the stage is only 2/3 of what it should be, as techies, dressed in black, are stage left. Some are playing quiet games, while others are doing serious techie work. It is recommended that some of the real techies play themselves. Scott runs, and jumps onstage in the Techie zone)
What is going on here? (The techies shush him, and Feather shakes a cup of coins in front of him) What the hell is going on here?
SHUT UP! (Feather shakes the cup of coins in front of her, and Techie grudgingly drops change in there)
Lucy? (Indeed it is. While this is going on the play continues, but at the most, in Sotto Voche.) What is going on here? (Feather begins shaking fiercely. To Feather) Go away! (Lucy nods no, clears her throat and mimes taking money out of the pocket, and putting it in the cup.) Oh. (Scott does, and begins silently, but passionately screaming at Feather. The playintheplay is normal voice, when Mike runs up)
(To actresses in play, not screeaming, but alarmed.) Kate! Kate stop! What did you guys do to my play? (Volume in play goes close to zero) Randy? Stop. What's up with this? (Turns to Feather who is shaking the can again) You guy's turned a great play into one that makes
This is atrocious!
Shhh!
(Shoves her, volumes go back down in the play) Go away! What isgoingonhere? They turneditinto arezefrekken RAP! They ... (Feather starts the cup thing, Michael grabs his wallet out of his pocket, and slams it into the cup so hard that it falls out of her hands. She gets on her knees to pick up the coins. Michael walks into the play.) You turned it intarap you jerks. Screams in the face of the actors, but they continue in their play.) Hello! (Waves his hands in front of the actors to know avail.) What, who, did you get to direct this, Ed Wood or Vanilla Ice? (TGIB walks onstage, and the actors flea stage right. Feather is still picking up the coins.)
DO NOT TRY TO STOP ME. (Feather meekly shakes the cup, and TGIB takes gum out of his mouth and slams it in the cup. He walks to join his fellow writers, who are now ranting in the play scene. Faces the Techies) The ATTACKING BEGINS.
What do you guys want? (The three writers start screaming at once. To Headset:) Samantha, come here.
(Almost screaming) Well, no problem, have no fear, the witch is here. That solves everything!
Samantha, (Enters stage right, wearing tekkie garb, and a headset)
What do you guys think you're doing? We have to put on the show TOMORROW. Get off the stage! (The writers nod to each other, and Scott calmly approaches. Samantha.)
(Calmly approaches, then screams) YOU'VE RUINED OUR PLAYS!!
(Grabs him by the shirt) Watch yourself! (Backs up, calms down, and covers her face.) You guys have had weeks to watch the plays, you come and complain the day before? (Covers her face again) Look, just talk to the directors.
(To others) Do you guys even know who your directors are? (The others shrug, Samantha groans)
(Into hedset) Tuba. TUBA. Surely, you must be there Mrs. Tuba. Yeah, get the directors out of the bathroom, or werever they are, bring 'em up here ASAP! (The directors walk in from the lobby outside.)
You called us?
Yeah get up here. (They make it up to the stage. The three writers are in a row about four feet from the apron. TGIB is standing behind Michael.) Katy this is Mike, Mike this is Katy. (They shake, TGIB begins whispering to Michael) Michael, this is Tripper, Tripper, this is Michael. (Tripper offers a hand, Michael slugs Tripper in the stomach, who flys off the stage. After a pause, and commotion, Michael is shocked, and stares at his hand)
I've never hit anybody before
Yeah, you generally just steal from them. (Michael approaches her, Jay, a tall techie steps in the way.)
Leave your sister alone.
Do not mess with the tech royalty. (Michael retreats. TGIB is now near Scott)
Scott, Teddy, Teddy Scott. (Scott pegs Teddy in the jaw, and he falls off the stage. Eddy and Tripper reenter the stage.) And uh, this is Ariel (Ariel wisely does not approach. Into heaphone:) We're having a situation. Get out here. (Mrs. Tuba, walking down the catwalk, fires a gun.)
Everybody stop. Shut up, and stop. (Walks up to the stage. She calms down, points the gun down. Immediately, a huge fight begins onstage. Only TGIB, Feather, and Samantha are still standing,everybody else is at eachothers neck. Tuba runs to the stage right and fires again. Fighting stops immediately.) Directors! over here. (points down) Writers over there! (Down Stage left)
Techies, sit over there. (They go upstage center. Some techies go off and bring big chairs and offer them to Feather and Samantha who sit. Sharon and Lucy sit at their feet. Jay and Anne Marie stand on their sides. the others stand behind the chairs.) Actors! Get back out here. NOW! (The actors, about six or so, go upstage right.) Now what is going on here? (Lucy steps forward)
The writers finally came to see the show. They are really making some good points, and you can understand... (Jay stepsforward, and puts his hand on her shoulder. And makes a suggestive sound with his throat. Anne Marie comes over from the other side)
(Forbodingly, and threatning) When you're a tech, you're a tech all the way, fom your first set of ropes, till the play's closing day. (Makes a slit throat sign Sharon leans forward, raises a finger and begins)
(Threatening) There are techies in the woods. Big tall terrible techies in the woods.
You're way up high, you could be all alone. So come back here an sit at the throooone.
(To the techie "royalty") YOU GUYS THINK YOU'RE IN CHARGE. YOU'RE BAD, AREN'T YOU? YES YOU ARE. NO YOU ARE NOT. YOU'RE JUST MONARCHIAL WITCHES.
(In actors' direction. Does not take more than a few steps though.) NO, IT'S THE ACTORS, OF COURSE, YOU'RE IN CHARGE. RIGHT. YOU GUYS COULDN'T DO A DEATH SCENE WITH OUT ASKING FOR LINE. YOU ARE MINDLESS HUMAN CLAY. YOU ARE USELESS.
(To Tuba) NO, I'M SORRY IT'S YOU. YOU ARE THE BAD ONE, AREN'T YOU? YOU'VE GOT THE GUN. YOU'RE THE VILLAIN. WRONG! (he is now suspended in midair. If this play is accepted, this willbe demonstrated) I AM THE BAD GUY. I CONTROL ALL. I CREATE ALL. I WRITE ALL. I AM ETERNAL. YOU FEAR ME AND ME ALONE! (Tuba shoots TGIB, he falls tothe ground.)
No, I'm in charge. Actors, what is your opinion?
Well, uhmm, uhhm, well, we, uh, hah, well we feel that...they uhh, well the scripts suck. (Chuckle Fighting begins again)
(Waves gun) OK, fine. (Stares at the various parties.) You want to find who_s wrong? Cast blame, if that is the aim, we_ll work on the blame. Is it the actors?
No!
The Directors?
NO!
The Techies?
No.
(Suddenly alive again.) COULD IT BE...COULD IT BE? COULD IT BE... COULD IT BE...
THE SCRIPT IS NOW ~3/4 OF THE WAY DONE.
IF THIS IS CHOSEN, THE OTER QUARTER WILL BE DELIVERED LESS THAN TWO DAYS AFTER THE DECISION.