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Michael Kadish
(Eitan, Adam, Steven, Raphi, Yoseph, and Allan [Shevet Gad] are sitting stage right in a circle. Micha walks around center stage, content, and smiling)
Omri: And Moshe was finally happy. He might not be allowed into Israel because he had hit the rock, but at least the people had the water and were, for the moment not bugging him�And then�
(Avraham and Yitzie approach Micha)
Avraham: We're thirsty. Don't you have anything else to drink other than water?
Yitzie: Yeah, like bug juice or something?
Micha: What?!? You can't be serious.
Avraham: OK, some sort of fruit juice? Soda?
Micha: Good God.
Shevet Gad: Thank you.
Micha: (Ignoring them.) Let me talk to Hashem, and see what He can do. (Looking up) Hashem, they're bugging me again.
Michael: Oy, what do they now desire?
Micha: They desire a drink other than water. (annoyed) They're expecting 7-Up in the desert or something. (Yitzie and Avraham walk off)
Michael: There is something that can be done. I can give them�milk�go to Shevet Gad, and ask for their rock.
Omri: And Moshe turned to walk away.
Micha: fine, fine.
Michael: Oh, and one more thing. No hitting, Moshe.
Micha: (annoyed) Yeah, yeah. Oh God.
Shevet Gad: What?
Omri: So Moshe went to seek out the people of the tribe of Gad.
Micha: Gad! Gad!
Michael: What?
Micha: No, sorry Hashem, I'm looking for the Children of Gad.
Michael: They're right in front of you.
Micha: Right. (Facing Shevet Gad.) Shevet Gad, I have spoken to God�
Adam: You spoke to Gad?
Micha: I spoke to God�
Eitan: You spoke to Gad, our father, in heaven?
Micha: Yes�Anyway he mentioned something about�hold on�the Rock of Gad.
Yoseph: Oh you want to here our music? (Shevet Gad starts air guitaring).
Micha: No, not your rock music, just, tsk, rock, Gad?
Allan: Rock Gad? We ARE just the tribe of Gad�all the other tribes are out there. (points to audience)
Micha: Oh God.
Shevet Gad: What?
Micha: tsk, no, I feel like I'm in a bad Abbot and Costello bit. OK, look do you people have a rock?�No, check that, forget rock, do you have�an Evan?
Eitan: Evan? No, he's not in Gad, he's over there. (Points in the audience to Evan.)
Micha: Ok�Hold on a second here. (lifts finger in thought, then, looks up) God?
Shevet Gad: (Louder) What?
Micha: (To Shevet Gad) Shut up. (Up) Could you give me a little help here?
Michael: Just ask them where their rock is.
Micha: That won't work.
Michael: Try it.
Micha: (To Shevet Gad) Where is your rock?
Adam: Oh, our rock? It's over here. (They move apart, and reveal the rock.)
Micha: OK. Cute. Hashem, now, I won't hit the rock�what should I be doing?
Michael: Get the children of Gad�
Micha: Wait�when you say children of "Gad," do you mean children of God, or children of Gad?
Michael: What?
Micha: (Contorting himself in his inability to express himself) Children of Gad� Children of Gad?
Michael: Gad. Shevet Gad. Line them up. Ask them to sing the pigeon song.
Micha: The pigeon song�Ok guys�uhm, line up, and sing the pigeon song�
Shevet Gad: (Lines up) Stop the pigeon�stop the pigeon�now!!! Nab him, Grab him, stack him, flack him, stop that pigeon now!!!
Micha: OK�now what, Hashem?
Michael: Do the Macarena.
Micha: OK�(does the Macarena) I hope this works.
Shevet Gad: In Gad we trust.
Michael: Now, tell the rock to bring forth milk. (Micha lifts his hands to hit the rock.) MOSHE!
Micha: Right�(Yitzie and Avraham enter) sorry.
Yitzie: Moshe�we're thirsty!
Avraham: Yeah, Moshe!
Micha: Yeah, whatever guys, one second. (to the rock) Bring forth milk.
Omri: And as Moses spoke, the rock suddenly brought forth whole skim milk.
Avraham: But we wanted the 1%!
Yitzie: I'm lactose intolerant.
Omri: But the people ignored their problems and took their cups, and drank the milk that God�that the Lord, Hashem, had provided. (Cups are taken and put to their lips?)
Micha: Now, what should we call this blessed milk?
Shevet Gad: (Lowering the cups, revealing "milk" mustaches) Gad Milk?