方壶斋
圣诞节前收到过去的学生电邮， 问我写了什么关于圣诞的东西没有。 我说这里 没什么活动， 因此没有什么可写。
今年圣诞是周二。 周一也被布什总统宣布为联邦假日了， 所以连上周末， 一共有 连续四天的假。 按说是出游的机会， 可是冬天去哪都比加州冷， 再说我也懒得 提前计划， 所以就原地不动了。为了打发时间， 周末到市图书馆借了几盘老电 影。 所以整个假期大多是看录象了。
本来圣诞节就不是中国人习惯过的节日。 过去在大学学英文的时候， 倒是还挺热 衷于这个节日， 和同学搞聚会，学习唱英文的圣诞歌曲， 煞有介事地， 心里多 少也有那么一点过洋节的异样感觉。好象学了点英文， 骨头里就开始有 了质变 了。以后多年里也是每逢圣诞就写贺卡， 没话找话地写。 每年这件事情是 颇为费 神而且费钱的。年轻的时候， 视友谊为宝贝， 但凡有点接触的人， 都在寄 贺卡 之列。 若是女性， 就更不能忽略。 以后年龄渐长， 世事看得有点透了， 认 识到 若是真朋友， 不寄贺卡也是朋友。无缘做朋友但有用途的， 每年寄一张也不 过是 为了提醒对方， 不定什么时候会去找你办事。 无缘做朋友而且无用的， 贺卡寄 得就有点自欺欺人了。 今年拜托美国炭疽病的威胁， 给我一个不寄贺卡的借 口。 我用电邮宣告：为避免交叉传染， 今年本人概不邮寄信件贺卡。自己用 PAINT 画了个电子贺卡， 群发出去， 算是对2001年有了交代。那张贺卡是用鼠标拽出 几个同心椭圆，象行星轨道， 然后在轨道切割出的大小空间里喷上不同颜 色。 主 题么？" 世界向前滚进"（THE WORLD ROLLS ON）， 意思是虽然有 911那样 的事发生， 生活还是要生活的。
我发现什么非做的事情其实不一定要做。 一旦放开了， 也并不觉得有什么损失， 而且反而轻松了许多。 这贺卡一事就是证明。
所以那几天就是在宿舍（我不称其为家， 是因为就我一个人）里或者办公室里看 录象。 在办公室看录象的时候兼着上网。看烦了就到外面对着操场看台打网球， 再回来接着看。学校象座鬼城， 空空荡荡。只是礼拜天的小教堂照样有礼拜。 礼 拜后照样有茶点。 因为那天没几个人来， 提供甜麦圈的人说， 我可以拿走一 盒。这当然是我很乐意效劳的。
不过， 无论再怎么对圣诞觉得无所谓， 看到街上的房子用灯装饰起来， 多少感到 一点节日的气氛， 也多少感到有必要体验一下这气氛。 正好在报上看到市里有圣 诞免费午餐， 就去看看。 我知道感恩节是有的， 我已经做过两次义工， 但是圣诞 的我是第一次去。 这次我也没有去做义工。 吃的东西都是一般的美国食品：火 鸡， 火腿，胡萝卜， 红薯，沙拉， 火鸡填料， 肉汁，土豆泥什么的。当然有甜 点， 咖啡， 罐装冷饮。 我本来是想去一边吃， 一边和人说说话， 但是当我在 桌边坐下的时候， 旁边的老者和妇女都没有和我打招呼， 我也就自顾自地吃我 的。席间一个义工递给我一整个盒装南瓜派， 说："你介意不介意从我手里接 过这盒子派？"我说："乐意效劳。"这个派， 后来上班分给同事了。
原来这里不但可以吃东西， 还可以带走一些食品物品。 我走时， 拿了一条干面 包，一袋"焙狗"火烧和两把菠菜。有人说只有无家可归的人才来这里。 其实 不然。 无家可归的人很少。 很多是老年人， 还有带孩子的夫妇。再有估计就是 单身人士。 有时还看到留学生。其实到这来， 吃饭事小， 过节事大。吃这顿饭 不会给自己省多少钱， 但却有机会体验一下美国人的风俗和慷慨。 尤其今年，美 国经济衰退， 更见其乐善好施的精神。
圣诞午餐之后， 我打道回府。 天气格外好。 骑车路过市中心的湖边， 在一把长 椅上靠了车， 用背包做枕头， 舒服地躺在阳光下看书， 不一会儿就要昏昏入睡。 这时过来两个拉丁诺家庭， 带着小孩子， 用面包喂湖里的水鸟。小孩子活泼可 爱， 群鸟争食也是憨态可掬。 我坐在一边看着他们， 多多少少分享了他们的天伦 之乐。
回家之后， 又是看电视直到天黑。 电视里也没有什么新鲜的东西。 有一个台又在 忆苦思甜地放映《生活何奇妙》（IT'S A WONDERFUL LIFE）。实在是无聊， 决定到下城的湾景书店看书消磨时间。 等我走到了阿瓦多街才想起今天是圣诞， 无关国计民生的店铺都关门了。阿瓦多街是这个城市的王府井， 南京路。 每到 周末夜晚都是灯火辉煌， 人来人往。 几家咖啡馆饭馆更是年轻人啜饮谈天的地 方。 今天， 这条街上的每个店铺都是门可罗雀。街上行人稀少， 有一种凄冷之 美。我沿着街道来到海边的渔人码头。这里一样没有什么人。 奇怪的倒是那家 老渔夫饭馆还在开着。 这家饭馆自诩提供正宗当地风味的"潮得"粥。 这是一种 有海鲜的带奶油味道的粥状食物。 多盛在中间挖空的大面包中， 五， 六块钱 一份。我第一次吃， 是在加拿大大西洋海边的一家餐馆， 也做广告说是正宗的。
渔人码头别的店铺都关门了， 灯火阑珊中走过一对中年男女和一家印度人。 码头 上画人像的摊子还亮着灯。 等我转了一圈回来， 竟然看到画家揽到了一桩生意， 正在给那家印度人的小孩子画像。我想他们可能是外地的游客， 晚上出来闲逛 的。
渔人码头的尽头有一家餐馆， 是平顶的。 人们可以走上去欣赏海景。 我想这时候 一定不会有人， 不妨上去多呆一会儿。 没想到上去以后， 于暗影中赫然看到一对 情意缠绵的年轻男女，叫我想到夜晚上海外滩的人， 顿时无心久留了。
我的圣诞就是这么过的。 真是很无聊。
寄自美国
2001-12-28
Listless on Christmas
Fang Huzhai
Before Christmas I received an email from a former student who asked me if I had written anything about Christmas. I replied that there were nothing going on here and therefore nothing to write about.
This year's Christmas was a Tuesday. President Bush had designated Monday as Federal holiday too, so I had four days free in continuity. It would have been a nice time for travelling, but at this time of the year, anywhere else other than California would be cold. Besides, I am a lazy person in planning. As a result, I stayed where I am. To kill time, I went to the city library on Saturday to check out some old movies and spent most of my holidays watching them.
After all, Christmas is not a Chinese holiday. When I was learning English at college, I used to be enthusiastic about the holiday, holding parties with fellow students and learning Christmas carols. It was taken seriously and I could feel that alien excitement of celebrating a foreign holiday. It seemed that once one began to learn English, there was something in his bone that started to become different. In the many years thereafter, I wrote Christmas cards every year, squeezing words onto the cards. That was an energy and money consuming business.
Friendship was highly valued when one is young. For me, whoever had some connection with me was among those receiving my cards. It was a must if the receiver was a female. Later, as I grew older, my attitude about life became more practical and it came to my realization that real friends would remain friends no matter if I sent them cards or not. The cards to those who could not be friends but were of some practical use were only a reminder that someday I would ask them for a favor. As for those who could neither become friends nor were useful, sending them cards was more or less self-deceptive and deceiving.
Thanks to the threat of Anthrax in the U.S. this year, I found an excuse for not sending cards. I announced in my email that to prevent cross-contamination I was not sending anything by mail. I made an e-card using Paint and send it by group mail as my greeting of the year. The card depicted several cocentric ovals, like planet orbits, with the spaces cut out by them filled in colors. The theme: the world rolls on. The meaning is that despite the tragedy of September 11th, life is still to be lived.
I find that once we give up the things that we used to think as necessary, we do not necessarily lose something. On the contrary, we feel much relieved. It was evidenced by my giving up card writing this year.
So I spent the days in my dorm or office watching videos. In the office, I surfed the net while watching the movies. When I got tired, I went out to play tennis against the reviewing stand of the drilling ground before coming back to resume watching. The school was like a ghost town, all empty. On Sunday, however, they had the regular service and the regular refreshments in the chaplain's office. Because few people came that day, the guy bringing doughnuts said I could take a box, a service I was happy to render.
Yet, no matter how insensitive I was towards Christmas, when I saw the houses on streets decorated in lights, I felt the festivity and the need to experience the day as a holiday. It happened that there was a free Christmas lunch in the city. I went. I knew that there was such lunch on Thanksgiving day and I had been a volunteer for that, but this was the first time I went to a Christmas community lunch. I did not volunteer this time, however. The foods were ordinary American foods: turkey, ham, carrots, sweet potatoes, salad, stuffing, gravy, mushed potatoes. Of course there were desserts, coffee and canned drinks. I had wished to go there to eat and talk with people, but when I sat down at the table, the elders and the women there did not greet me. I therefore ate my food without bothering. While I was eating, a volunteer handed me a box containing a pumpkin pie: "Would you mind taking this from me?" "With pleasure," I said. I shared the pie with my colleagues later.
Here people could eat and could also bring some food and stuff home. When I left, I took a loaf of bread, a bag of bagels (6) and two bunches of spinach. Some people say only homeless come to such occasions, but actually it is not true. There were many senior citizens and couples with kids. Sometimes there were foreign students too. Eating is not the big thing actually. What is more important is to be with people on the holiday. It won't save one much money by eating a meal there, but can offer him the opportunity to experience American holiday custom and the generosity of the American people. This is especially so this year. The economic recession highlighted the Americans' spirit of giving for the good cause.
After the Christmas lunch, I went back home. The weather was good. As I was passing the downtown lake, I parked my bike against a bench and, using my back bag as a pillow, lied down comfortably, reading a book. Soon I was sleepy. Two Latino families came over with kids and fed the birds with bread. The children were lovely and so were the birds. I watched them and more or less shared their family joy.
After I went home, I watched TV till it was dark. There was nothing new on TV. One station was again showing It's A Wonderful Life, reminding people how hard life was many years ago around Christmas. Having nothing to do, I decided to go to read in the Bay View Bookstore in downtown. I realized however as I reached Alvarado Street that it was Christmas and all the stores that did not sell things important for people's living were closed. Alvarado is the Nanjing Road and Wangfujing Street of this city and is brightly lit on every weekend evening and crowded with people. The coffee bars and restaurants are the favorite places for young people to chit chat over drinks. On this Christmas day, one can literally catch rats in front of the stores on this street, because there were few people walking around. The whole street spoke the beauty of being deserted. Along the street I went on to the Fisherman's Wharf, equally empty. Strange that the Old Fisherman's Grotto (http://restauranteur.com/oldfishermansgrottocom/) was still open. The restaurant boasts genuine Monterey chowder, a porridge-like food with seafood, which is usually put in a big bun and sold for five or six bucks. The first time I ate chowder was in a restaurant on the Canadian Atlantic coast. That restaurant also says that it sells genuine chowder.
All the other stores on the street of Fisherman's Wharf were closed. In the dim light there walked a middle-aged couple and a family of Indians (not American natives). The artist who did quick sketch of portraits was still working under bright light. I was surprised to find him having a customer after I made a round of the wharf. He was doing a sketch for a child of that Indian family. I thought they might be tourists who came out for a casual walk.
At the end of the wharf was a restaurant with flat roof, where people could walk up and get a view of the ocean. I thought there must be no one there at this time, but when I went up, there in the darkness loomed a young couple in deep affection. It reminded me of the crowded Shanghai Bund in the evenings and drove away any mood of lingering on.
This is how I spent my Christmas. Really boring.
Monterey, CA
2001-12-28