Chick Tracts
If you enjoy reading Fundamentalist
Christian publications, you'll LOVE Chick tracts. I stumbled
across this page when I was
looking for manuals about how to pick up chicks. It turns out this
page was much more entertaining.
Here's the concept.
You're a born-again Christian, and you want others to join your path, so
they
don't burn in the fires of
hell. How do you do it? Do you engage them in intelligent conversation?
Hell no! You slip one
of these tracts under their door when they're not home. That way,
you
don't have to do any bothersome
thinking to come up with good arguments, and if they challenge
you on the tract later, you
can pretend you don't know where it came from. Visit this page--
on
the FairyFaith page rating
system, I give it 3 crosses.
Click
HERE to see the Revelation.
My review of Baby
Talk
This is a fun little tract
about the evils of femeles making decisions for themselves. Click on the above
link to
read this amusing story,
then come back for an in-depth analysis.
This story opens with a pointless
story about a slovenly son who brings his lazy wife to live with
his parents. Apparently,
Jack couldn't stretch out a plot for twenty panels, so he needed some
filler. Or maybe this
is just to show how shitty Ashley's parents are, who let their adult son
walk
all over them. Anyway,
the next part is where it starts getting fun. Ashley is going on
a date with
her jackass of a boyfriend,
Eric. She gets pregnant, and asks a "friend" for advice, who then
leads her to the evil sex
ed teacher. The teacher suggests an abortion.
Here's what I want to know.
Where was she when her mother had that all-important "don't listen
to people with evil pointed-down
eyebrows" talk? And what "old fashioned values" is the sex
ed. teacher going on about?
I don't recall Ashley's parents telling her not to get an abortion.
Hell, after seeing what they
had to put up with their son, you'd think they'd be patting her on the
back, encouraging her to
get the thing. Hmm. Maybe if Jack didn't spend the first five
panels
talking about stuff that
wasn't in any way related to the point of the story, we could have gotten
some background on this.
The next part of the story
goes back to Ashley's jerk boyfriend, Eric. For some reason, he's
decided to discuss his girlfriend's
pregnancy with his bible-beating uncle. We never get the story
on why he doesn't live with
his parents. When I asked Uncle Mike later what the story was, he
said, "I had to take Eric
away from his unholy parents. They actually said to me, 'We love
Mike,
no matter what he does!'
I had to get him away from their Satanic influence." Anyway,
concerned about Eric's decision,
Uncle Mike takes him to see Mike's fundamentalist Christian
friend, who he's disguised
as a doctor. But is Eric really dumb enough to fall for this?
We learn
that he is, when he sits
and listens unquestioningly to his Uncle's biblical reading. Eric
then
realizes that he is a Christian,
and as such it is his duty to keep his girlfriend from making
decisions about her own body.
He catches her just before she gets to the women's clinic.
Ok, genius, if you didn't
want to get an abortion, why did
you get in the car?
No one had a gun to your head. This
panel makes about as
much sense as pouring hydrochloric
acid all over your
skin, then saying, "Oh God, I don't want
acid burns. Help me!"
Ashley and Eric really do make a
good couple; neither of them has
the ability to think for
themselves.
Thanks for those
important clarifications (in
parentheses). I couldn't have figured that stuff
out on my own
(my brain doesn't function).
So, of course, the story ends
with Eric and Ashley both finding Jesus. That doesn't change the
fact that Eric is a jerk.
Apparently, the moral of the story is, "As long as your boyfriend is a
God-fearing Christian, it
doesn't matter if he treats you like garbage! Oh, and don't make
any
decisions for yourself."
They have the baby, and live miserably ever after.
A Three Cross Rating
"It made me want
to go get an abortion!"-- Curiosity
