'Til Divorce Do Us Part
Believe it or not, Matt's dream has finally come
true. His blushing
bride is none other than Great Britain's own Kate
Winslet. The only problem
with marrying English chicks is that they start out
all pretty, but then one day
you wake up and their teeth are all crooked and they're
all wrinkled and
nasty. So eventually we'll get divorced and I'll
take all her money. But until
then, BOY HOWDY, ARE WE GONNA HAVE SOME SEX!
Oh, and don't worry, ladies. Kate understands that
I'm incapable
of emotional commitment and has agreed to let me
persist in my
tomcattin' ways. A small price to pay, she says,
for the chance to
call herself "Mrs. Matt Holohan."
Here are some images from the blessed event.
*****
Kate and I on our way out of the church being showered with flowers.
Note the girls in the upper right checking out my ass.
***
A nice shot of our hands clasped together. Several times during
the
festivities she got excited and squeezed pretty hard, but fortunately
now that
we're married I won't be needing that hand as much anymore.
***
Emma Thompson and her boytoy with Fester Addams in tow. Emma is
a good example
of the terrible toll that time takes on English women. Kenneth,
what were you thinking?
***
Kate was just tickled pink to be marrying a fantastic guy like
myself.
Or maybe it was the three bottles of champagne she downed. I guess
we'll never know.
***
Kate's mother and Forrest Whitaker argue with the chauffer outside
the church.
Mrs. Winslet wasn't too jazzed about her daughter marrying an Irish
guy, so I got
really drunk and beat the crap out of her. She doesn't compain
anymore.
***
The groom's party. From left to right: my brother Ian, Big Rohit
Wanchoo, Handsome
Jeff Roberts, John "Small Face" Verive, Tall Matt McCann, my brother
Ian, Old Jon of Gunn,
and Mr. Myron. When it was Matt's turn to kiss the bride, he slipped
her the tongue.
We all laughed at his little joke, and then I killed him.
***
After the ceremony the priests were heard saying that they were
really glad they were
Anglican instead of Catholic so they could go home and masturbate
after looking at Kate all day.
***
Kate's sister and her dopey looking date. It's easy to see who
got all the looks in this family.
***
It was a lovely ceremony. And the wedding night
was amazing. I'd tell you more, but Kate is standing right
here and, well, you know...
YEAH!
Home.