"Koob want to eat your balls!"
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"I'm Conor Moooooore! I'm going to eat your baaaaalls!"
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"I'm going to embezzle your balls. Then, I'm going to eat them."
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"Don't be fooled by the cute exterior. I'll devour your balls faster than a hyena on crack."
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"I advocate eating your balls!"
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"Me and my Nordic chin will make a fine meal of your balls."
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Sim: "Isn't it great to be an independent senator?"
Shireen: "It sure is."
Sim: "Can I have my balls back?"
Shireen: "No, I'm going to eat them."
Sim: "Ah, crap."
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"I'm going to televise the eating of your balls by me!"
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"In Castillian Spanish, they say 'ballth.'"
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"I've got a pretty impressive smile. You know why? I've got balls-eatin' teeth!"
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"Ding-dong. Who's there? Me! And I'm going to eat your balls!"
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"The Force will give me the telekinetic powers needed to remove your balls from your body and bring them to me, at which point I will eat them."
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"Vote for me."
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"Ivan-na eat your balls."
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"I shall eat your balls as such."
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"I have three names. One for each of your balls."
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"These hi-tech infrared glasses help me to find balls even in total darkness. Surrender now! Your balls, that is."
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"I'll write a lengthy Daily Cal editorial about eating your balls, I will."
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"Tsai'm going to eat your balls."
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"My Uncle George eats a lot of balls. That's why he's so fat."
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Denise: "Matt doesn't know anything about us."
Evora: "Yeah. I wonder what kind of joke he'll make."
Denise: "I think this may be it."
Evora: "Really?"
Denise: "Yeah."
Evora: "What a worthless postmodernist hack."
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Please send all questions, comments and court summonses to Matt Holohan, the diabolical mastermind behind The ASUC Ate My Balls!