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Editorial

Homosexuality
By Sinclair Rogers

. .For over a decade, I have worked in the specialized and somewhat controversial field of  helping those desiring to overcome the control of homosexuality. It has proven to be quite a learning experience. My own story of recovery from sexual brokenness has been widely publicized, resulting in people contacting me from all over the world. 

I've discovered that regardless of the continent or culture, those seeking out understanding about homosexuality generally ask the same questions.

Currently, there are many excellent clinical and theological books and articles which comprehensively address the homosexual issue and recovery from it. To view these click here.

Unfortunately, many of these books are not readily available - or as affordable - outside North America and Europe. Therefore this information has been prepared as a layman's response to the questions I'm asked most on this subject.

While far from the last word - and opinions are always subjective at best, it is still my hope that you will find the following information of interest and benefit.
 
 

Viewpoint

 Overcoming homosexuality : My story 
By Sinclair Rogers

The first half of my life was an emotional concentration camp: my alcoholic mother was killed in a car wreck when I was four. Prior to that, I was sexually molested by a family "friend". After my mum's death, I was separated from my father for a year. I lived in an emotional vacuum. My identity and security as a male was left unaffirmed and unnourished. Later in school, I was routinely ridiculed, rejected and physically abused due to my effeminate mannerisms. Even though I tried to "conform to the norm", I was continually labelled a homosexual and a failure as a man. It's no wonder I had problems. As a teenager I had not yet identified myself as homosexual. Yet, I was certainly aware of my attractions to the same sex and I felt fear and shame. A few years later, when eventually involving myself in the gay scene, I felt such a sense of relief. I felt accepted and understood. At last, I had a place to belong. It was great for a while. Soon I was living in the fast lane, and always surrounding myself with others who would reaffirm and reinforce the gay life. When living in Hawaii, my two gay room-mates became husband and husband in the State's first non-official gay-male wedding in a pro-gay church. I was their "best man". Yet later, they would become the first to tell me that overcoming homosexuality was possible - they had begun the effort themselves. They said God was helping them, and that they were praying for me. I laughed in contempt, thinking they were some kind of traitors.

My own journey out of the gay life first began with my attempt at securing male love by becoming a woman through a sex change. Though I did not get around to ever having the surgery, I was on hormone therapy and lived as a woman for about a year and a half. Yet, even then I realised that surgery couldn't really solve my problems and wouldn't secure love for me. Realising that I hadn't managed my life very well on my own, I finally began sincerely seeking God. It was my reignited faith in God that led me down a new path I once thought was impossible for me. It wasn't that I was trying to stop being gay. I didn't know how - or if it was possible. I was however willing to stop living life on my terms. Instead, I yielded to God on His terms. That was in January 1980.

At that time, my gay friends thought I was crazy. They said I'd be back in the bars in a week - a month - a year. I never went back. But it wasn't easy. I did have a lot of struggles in the beginning, but like most worthwhile efforts, perseverance paid off. Today I very much enjoy the opportunity to live beyond my past problems. In 1982 I became a husband, and later on a father. I enjoy both immensely. It isn't proof that I'm not gay, but it is evidence of a life I never thought possible. My recovery process took time and work and the encouragement and accountability of my supportive friends. More importantly, my recovery depended on my willingness to co-operate with God. Over the years and around the globe, everyone that I personally know - or know of - that has overcome homosexuality has been enabled to do so as a direct consequence of a life yielded to God and committed to the way of Christ. Though I'll never live my life as if I was never a homosexual, I am able to live beyond having been homosexual. And I'm not unique. There are many thousands of ex-homosexuals, though most are not public about it. I've met many here in Singapore, and in Asia........ In fact, around the world !  

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Homosexuality

Common questions on homosexuality
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Does having homosexual fantasies mean you are a homosexual ?

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A homosexual is a person who has an ON GOING erotic and romantic desire for, and sexual involvement with, the same sex. To be "gay" is more of a social (and political) statement, in which a "homosexual" person embraces a lifestyle and identity that is supportive of homosexuality. There are many people who do have homosexual feelings, but would not describe themselves as "gay". There are people who have brief, experimental homosexual involvement's, but that would not make them "homosexuals".

The presence of routine homosexual fantasies would probably indicate some degree of homosexual orientation, stronger for some, less so for others. Such fantasies need not automatically result in life-long homosexual involvement. There are many people who have never acted on their homosexual attractions. However, like any appetite, the more one "feeds" the urge (through pornography, fantasy and masturbation), the stronger the urge becomes. This will increase the chances for homosexual involvement. Should this occur many male homosexuals particularly demonstrate an ever increasing pattern of sexual encounters.  It's a matter of cultivation and conditioning. As sexual involvement becomes routine to frequent, a pattern similar to an addiction emerges :  a life centered around sex , and a loss of control resulting in the person taking big risks to reputation and health - yet never really finding the long term love and intimacy so deeply craved. It is a frustrating and typical cycle that can, however be broken with courage, determination and support.
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Are homosexuals "born" or "made by society" ?

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Some homosexuals comfort themselves with the thought that their feelings could be biologically programmed within, beyond choice or any personal responsibility. Gay activists claim that homosexuals are born gay, and that homosexuality should therefore be viewed as normal and natural. Yet, others with a homosexual orientation feel trapped by such logic, fearing they are hopeless victims of a genetic fate they want no part of.

Certainly people don't choose to develop homosexual feelings. But that does not mean one is born pre-programmed to be forever homosexual : We are not bio-robots. And we can not ignore environmental influences and our reactions to such influences. Even if some types of homosexuality occur as a "product" of nature, does that make it desirable or normal ? Nature produces a host of biologically influenced conditions, such as depression, obsessive-compulsive disorder, diabetes..........but we don't consider these normal just because they occur naturally. So why is homosexuality given a different status ? It is also worth noting that there are now some in the academic realm suggesting that adult sexual attraction to children could also be the product of an inherent biological influence. If proven true, would this mean we approve of sex between adults and children ?

There are those who also believe that as homosexuality has a biological origin, religious prohibitions against homosexual acts should be disregarded as irrelevant in the light of modern scientific discovery. Advocates of this thinking don't understand however that when a religion declares certain human behaviours to be wrong, such as homosexual acts, it does not matter if there is a biological origin or not. In fact, such scientific discovery would only confirm what ancient religious writings already state : our present human condition is flawed, both biologically and psychologically. Religious writings make clear that humanity consequently struggles with many inherent and harmful weaknesses. Yet, it is also clear that we are intended to overcome and master our natural tendencies  and weaknesses, rather than justifying and indulging them.

In spite of the many theories and even recent, but inconclusive, genetic and brain related research, there is still no scientifically accepted evidence proving that homosexuals are "born gay". However, if science one day confirms a genetic or other hormonal bio-influence encouraging homosexual development, not all those involved in homosexuality would have this influence within them. And as has been clearly stated by genetic researchers, those with such a possible influence, would not be obligated to be homosexual.  For example, some scientists believe that there are people born with bio-influences toward alcoholism, drug addiction, criminal behaviour and even divorce. But does that mean such persons are required to become, and therefore remain addicts and criminals ? Further does society condone such activities using the excuse : they could not help it ? Biology may influence, but it does not automatically justify every possible resulting behaviour. Neither does it eliminate responsibility, will, conscience or our ability to choose whether we will control or be controlled by our weaknesses.
 
 

What would be other factors in encouraging the development of homosexuality?

Science has yet to prove an absolute biological cause of all 10 types of homosexuality (See " Homosexuality Classification, Etiology and Treatment" pages 519-525, Baker's Encyclopedia of Psychology, Pub 1985). However, there is data underscoring the view that some types of homosexuality are the result of problems in psychological development. Even though homosexuals may have differing backgrounds, many also have similar trends ands patterns in their histories. For example in Singapore, of my homosexually oriented clients in 1991, 83 % of the men and almost 70 % of the women reported being victims of sexual abuse or molest, before the age of 12. Additionally, well over 90 % reported the sense of being neglected or unloved in childhood especially by the parent of the same sex. 40 % reported physical abuse. Another common trend in my clients, is an unfortunate history of being ridiculed and labelled homosexual during their pre-teen and teen years. Labelling has tremendous power to damage and alter self image. Abuse and neglect don't necessarily result in homosexuality-but such experiences are universally typical of many who have sexual identity and orientation problems. I agree with many professionals who view stereotypical homosexuality as a symptom of arrested emotional and gender identity development. Why ? It is clear from experts in developmental psychology, before children grow into healthy, heterosexual maturity, they pass through necessary "pre heterosexual" phases or stages. After babyhood, but before adolescence, we must satisfactorily navigate through a same-sex identification and bonding stage, (approximately between ages 4-14 years). Accomplishing this security/identity building phase enables progress toward opposite sex relating.

The same-sex phase is very observable, especially in boys, who, at the time, are not particularly romantically or sexually inclined toward girls, but are very concerned with and involved in same-sex relationships. Before boys grow up into men who "risk" their egos in pursuit of the opposite sex, they must first be identified with, accepted and affirmed as "one of the guys", by the rest of the guys. Sadly, so often this has not been the case among our clients. 

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