I'm off to Vegas for a few days. Take care.
I'm addicted to Everquest, thanks to Mr. Joe Placebo.
They can't read the not-so-fine-print on their receipts.
It says "Returns--in 30 days with original rec"
However, that is not the case, as I found out today.
I stood in line for about 15 minutes and when it was my turn, I explained to the young woman that I wanted to return these items that I had purchased on the 21st of December. She said OK and proceeded. I then told her I wanted to buy them again with a gift certificate that I had received and she said OK. The problem was that when she credited my account with the return, it didnt credit the right amount because one of the books I had purchased had gone on sale (a whole whoppin dollar off the original price). So, she called the "floor manager" to fix it.
The floor manager, a zit faced 20-something tall, lanky man who was probably making a career out of working at Borders, proceeded to tell me I couldn't return the items, eventhough my account had already been credited, I just needed it to be credited the correct amount. He then went on and on and on about how they don't allow people to return books.
"Well good lord," Kelly said as she grabbed the receipt from the young woman. "What is this I read here? I believe it reads that I have 30 days to return my purchase. Oh, and what does it say up there?" Kelly pointed to the sign above his head. "It says if I am not satisfied, I can return it with the original receipt. And oh my, what is this in my hand? The original receipt!"
He then went on and on and on and on about how that wasn't up there for me.
I then took the liberty of filleting him verbally with large words used in ways he had never heard. I must say, my sentence structure was quite complex, so much that I heard someone in the line behind me say, "I dont think she's from Visalia."
So after I verbally raped him, he said, "OK, I'll make this exception for you because you didn't know our policy."
"Um...no, I know the policy, I can read my receipt and the sign behind you, but thank you for making me an exception," Kelly said.
He then got more agitated and started spitting at me while he was stuttering his floor manager pamphlet jargon and then I put my hand up in his face like I was one of the Supremes and said, "Look, I understand what you're saying, now please get on with the exception. I do not have all day nor do the people behind me." I then looked at my hand and said, "Could you please lend me a kleenex? I seem to have saliva all over my hand and my books."
He handed me a paper towel to clean with and he went on giving me what I wanted. I could see the anger in his face, but I didn't really care. He was wrong, I was right and there was nothing he could do but sulk or admit it and he wasn't about to say he was wrong.
Moral of the story is that Borders Books, Music and Cafe is a crock of crap. That's right, a big phat crock. I've never had trouble returning books I didn't need to Barnes and Nobles or any other book store. I think it's just Borders that really has issues. Maybe they're going out of business.
Lame is when you're 21 and your parents still tote you around on family vacations like you're 12. I can't wait to be 30 and still be toted around like some sort of child.
Stupid is when they tell you you can't go where YOU want to go for New Years because, "It'll be dark." Of course, we'll ignore the fact that my parents and brother went to Seattle in September while I was at school and working.
Ironic is that we don't have any money to fix something, yet we're going on a vacation to Las Vegas where we'll be forced to spend money on gambling, food, transportation, etc that could be better spent elsewhere.
Some "Christmas Vacation" this is for me. This really sucks. I demand a recount. I'm ready to return to school.
Oh, the fun keeps on commin this Christmas morning.
In the last hour, the Calvos and the Imotos have been taunting each other with games.
First, it was the phone calls with the synthetic Christmas carols from the vibrating snowman from them, then we called back with Tom Jones & the Cardigans and the LaBelles. They didn't like the Tom Jones/Cardigans version of Burning Down the House as much as we did.
Then, the doorbell rang. Tyler answered the door to find a plate of Chili dogs and a poloroid of the Calvo family.
Lastnight, Tyler and I went over to visit and they kept trying to feed us chili dogs, as if they were going out of style.
Then, we made these lovely videos. Enjoy.
The Pirates Booty Commercial
Dad eating one of the chili dogs
In response to the booty commercial, mom just said, "Isn't "caliente" a Mexican restuarant?" and Tyler said, "Mom's not too fluent in her Mexican."
Pictures of our lovely gifts will be posted for viewing sometime in the future. Until then, enjoy this Tyler video of him folding his laundry. When I feel like it, I shall update during the day with the happenings of the Imoto household.
Also, tonight is the big Scrabble Showdown between the Calvo's and I. Last time, I beat them (Rene and Jaime) by at 68 points. Rene is planning on getting me drunk in order to win; all the more fun for me.
And now, for your reading pleasure, I present to you the funnies of the past few days:
"These scallions must be happy today!" - Quote from the ditzy actress in the ugly pink dress on the Iron Chef.
"You're so weird. I didn't raise you to be that way." - My mother in regards to me.
"Tradition is that we all be awake to open presents." - Mom at about 11pm lastnight when Tyler got home. We ended up opening presents cuz Dad woke up.
It's lovely here on the Central Coast. The weather is lovely and although my brother works all day long, I have managed to find things to do to entertain my wicked self.
I will be home sometime tomorrow when I feel like leaving. Tyler works until 9pm or so and said he'll drive home when he feels like it becuase no one can stop him (except a semi heading the opposite direction on 46).
Anyways, have a wonderful evening and Tyler said that he hopes his room isn't full of furniture.
Love,
Kelly
The Champ Room is now open for recipes, praises, disgusts and comments about Champ, the latest in processed meat.
Please note that these were created for the amusement of Kelly and Tyler Imoto and are not to be cluttered with comments about the following items:
Barry White
Marshmallow Peeps
Fingernail Clippings
Diet Rite soda
Kathy Lee Gifford's Xmas Album
Other than that, if you really want to say something, go ahead, but otherwise, sit back and read while we try not to run up phone bills.
Have you ever seen a "Yard-o-Beef"? It's this huge beef stick that is the size of Jonah Lamu's calves and weighs 3.75 lbs.
It's time for the big dog.
To jump up like a big frog.
Get phat like a big ho.
But I got a show in Brazil,
I gotta get those pesos and the dolla dolla bills.
And I go around the world just to get it.
Cross time zones in a minute,
First class ticket, yo I'm wit it...
Here are some funny pictures I found lying around in the bottom of a box. They'll only be funny to like two people, my mom and Karin's mom, but they're good enough to share with everyone.
This is my roommate Karin. She, like billions of others, enjoys to eat the remaining rice krispies in the pan/pot after making a batch of those nifty treats. Here is what we all look like while we get every last krispie off the spoon.
Around 2 pm I decided to take something back to Ross. For those who aren't familiar with Ross, it's a large store that carries crap that no one wanted to buy at real department stores. Tyler and I enjoy going through there and finding lots of stuff and then dumping it in a random spot and watch people go through what we (and millions of Americans) didn't want.
Well, I got in the wrong line Customer Service line at Ross and I almost passed out from standing so long.
The cashier was one of those goody goody people that does everything to the book and is a big a$$kisser, I'm sure. So basically, he was slower than a snail without a head.
There were two groups of people in front of me, I will explain the first.
She was in her 60s, fat, wearing one of those late 80s puffy paint xmas sweatshirts, she was missing her dentures, and she bought the entire cosmetics section. Not only did she buy about 100 bars of soap, she bought a MUU-MUU. (Green and white stripped.)
The person in front of me was totally scammin. It was a family of women and the only person who spoke English was the youngest daughter, who was probably 12. They wanted to return two jackets, neither of which had price tags or reciepts and they kept changing the price they thought the jackets were. First it was $9.99, then $29.99 and then finally $39.99.
Anyone familiar with Ross knows there is not an item over $25 there.
So three times, the cashier had to go find something the same price as the jacket and ring it up.
It turned out that the jackets they returned hadn't been sold in the store within the last year. Total scams.
So finally, I get there and it took me 2 minutes to return my item. I got a "thanks for not taking an hour," from the old woman behind me. I smirked and said, "Right." and left.
The End.
There are a group of people in this world that keep classical Greek literature alive.
Those people are called, "students."
Books can arrange from $1, like The Apology to $20, like the Robert Fagles translation of The Odyssey. (I'm sure there are books that are more, however, I didnt have to buy those.)
I tried to sell all of my books back, and the most I could get for one book was $3.
For Ovid's, Metamorphosis, that I paid $16 for, they wanted to give me $2 for it.
For The Odyssey, $2.
What kind of thanks is that? It's not only an insult to those who are forced to read it, but to those who wrote it as well.
No love I tell ya, No love
The land of race care ya-yas.
The land where you can't change lanes.
The land where large, fuzzy dice still hang proudly, like testicles from rear view mirrors.
Yes, I nailed it.
This semester marks the fifth class (Jour 60, Jour 121, Jour 127, Jour 298c, and now Jour 224) that I've taken in with the infamous Dr. Bleske and I have never nailed any of his exams, until today. I knew every thing on that test except two things and I didn't even bother to BS them. I just filled in fluff about whatever I felt like so there wasn't so much white space.
From: [email protected]
Gore won Florida fair and square.
To: [email protected]
Sent: Thursday, December 14, 2000 12:04 AM
Subject: Bush...."Illegitimate President"
If you would like to discuss your views on the election, pick a login name and password and sign up here. And while you're at it, you may just find some new friends and play some trivia. The discussion is on the board speakerscorner.
Otherwise, I really have no desire at the moment to discuss politics. However, if you'd like to discuss the following, I'll be more than happy to:
Bleak House
Public opinion polls
The Library of Congress call numbers.
I had forgotten that the presidential election bits were still going on until I saw a blurb on the speech Mr. Gore made today. I guess that's what happens when all you do all day long is study and work.
Al Gore hijacks a Ryder truck in Florida
On Feb. 21, 2000, I recieved a HP computer for my birthday. I wanted the one that was $400 more, but my parents weren't willin to fork out the cash for it.
On Sept. 11, 2000, my computer started to do weird things, like reboot whenever it felt like it, programs would close automatically and/or stop responding, etc. I figured I could tolerate it until the end of the semester.
On the Thursday before Thanksgiving, I called to tell them of my horrors (they had gotten worse since September), and the only thing he could do for me was tell me that I had to reformat and only then, if the problems still happened, they would send me a new tower.
On Thanksgiving, I reformatted, and within 3 minutes of turning my computer on, it turned itself off. Within 60 minutes, it either rebooted it turned off 16 times.
Around Nov. 30, I received a new tower from HP. I left it in the box because I had figured out that if I didn't turn my computer off (when it didn't turn itself off), it would stay on without rebooting (that's if it didn't reboot by itself within 3 minutes of being on.)
On Dec. 11, 2000, I switched computers and this one has even worse problems. It has a bad harddrive, which means about 25 percent of the time, it can't find the operating system, 50 percent of the time it gives me the blue screen of death that gives me Disk Write errors, and it insists on clicking and clicking and clicking and clicking and clicking.
Yesterday, I called and talked to some guy about my problems and he's going to send me ANOTHER tower (with my luck, it'll be broken as well.) I also found out that my warranty on these replacement towers is only good until Feb. 20, 2001, which makes absolutely no sense seeming as they keep breaking on me. I think, since this is my third computer, that I should get some kind of FREE computer since they can't send me one that works. GRRRRR.
Anyways, Orion cocktail party photos will be coming to you soon, they're being developed as we speak.
Here is the Kelly Imoto, "Garden Gnome Information and Buying Guide 2000" section. It's filled with links, pictures and blahblahblah.
I wasn't sure what a garden gnome was, however, the wonderful online magazine, Salon.com, has produced this lovely article on them. Apparently they're all the rage in Europe.
Here are some impaled garden gnomes, full of colorful pictures and whatnot. Now I know what a garden gnome is. Why Karin wants an entire collection of them, I don't know.
Ebay has some lovely ones on sale. I didn't know garden gnomes were worth $20, but hey, they're all the rage, so they must be expensive.
The German Gift shop has both garden gnomes and cuckoo clocks for sell. Please note that these are expensive, since they're actually coming from Germany, but they do include American dollars in their prices. My favorite is this one with the drinking gnome and the gnome flipping the bird.
ATTN MRS. STEPHENSON: KARIN WANTS A GARDEN GNOME FOR CHRISTMAS.
In other non-related news, Tonight is Orion cocktail party, where I, along with writers, designers and other folks, will get all dressed up and look pretty and then get drunk and eventually puke on something/someone. However, I will not get drunk because I am a good person and an angel. Right.
My calendar is still on November, I don't see this as a problem, yet.
"What prevents you from flipping it over," you may think. Well, nothing really, except that I have to stand up to do it.
It's scary when people type in my entire name into a search engine and find my page. I must have a lot of enemies.
I think I will go take a shower and head off to bed. I need a good nights rest before I get floored in about 20 hours.
I have mastered it.
Let's begin.
I went out.
I drank.
I acquired a new Orion nickname from Randy.
I got mad (well, more or less disturbed).
I came home.
Why can't people just keep their hands off of what I want? I was disturbed by what I heard tonight and so were friends of mine. Humph. I'm sad, but I'll be OK. Just goes to show...
Bleakhouse can suck my big fat toe. So can Charles Dickens for that matter. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy reading long, 800 page books about British orphans, but not in less than a week.
Jen Cooper is my hero. JENNNNYYYYY
Speaking of, The last issue of the Orion is D O N E (or well, for me it is). Wednesday and Saturday should be some rockin-alcohol-abusin'-rip-roarin-good-fun. That's called abuse of hypens.
The following people were present: Karen, Alex, Jessica (karen's roommate), Kim, Jen, Katye, Melody, Rebecca, Jennie (who left suddenly) and Kelly. I hope I didn't forget anyone.
12:30 am: Kelly arrives at the party.
12:35 am: Kelly successfully draws "Colin Powell" in Pictionary, which was then followed by "Jon Bon Jovi" by Karen. Before that, Kim drew "Alan Greenspan." Do you have any idea how hard it is to draw a colon and make it look real?
1:00 am: Kelly goes through all the pictionary drawings she missed and finds lots of penis pictures and a drawing of "Dr. Bleske."
1:45 am: We start prank calling people, starting with Jory John, who didnt answer his phone, then Todd McBain, who was sleeping and didn't appreciate a "fan" calling him to tell him that she loved him. He thought Melody was someone named "Cory" and we picked up that name for the next call.
1:55 am: Rebecca calls Ben Kelly and convinces him that her name is "Cory" and starts to go on and on and on about how she loves his column and him and blahblahblah. The quote of the night from the conversation was, "oh you have you girlfriend? I'm so sorry...what? why are you being so mean to me? But I was homecoming queen..."
2:01 am Rebecca is still talking on the phone and we're busting up. We hear something and I look behind me through the blinds and I see toilet paper draped across the tree. I scream, "we're being TP'd" and we all run outside to find Randy and his roommates running behind trees (as if we wouldnt see them running across the street). They go away and we clean up. When we walk back in, we realize the phone is off the hook because Rebecca didn't hang it up. We sit there wondering how much Ben heard...
2:30 am We decide to retaliate and half the group goes to Wal-mart and buys maxi-pads (with wings, of course), men's depends, ketchup, silly string, and a size 11 pair of granny panties. They bring them home and we all sign the saggy butt of the panties and I go to my car and get the Hawaiian guy cutout thing from this summer and we tape on a paper penis and a condom.
3:30 am After extensive planning, we piled into two cars and set out to the house on 7th street (a busy street, btw). Each of us had a job, mine was to toilet paper the house and at the end, tack the hawaiian guy with a staple gun to the door. The boys were up watching TV (we could see the flickering screen) and we nailed their house. Rebecca did a lovely job with the ketchup, might I add. I'd say the only reason they came walking out to find the mess was that when I tacked the guy on the door with the staple gun, it was pretty darn loud, but it was perfect.
3:50 am We drive back around and see Randy and Tony cleaning toilet paper and maxi pads off their vehicles. We're stopped at a red light at the corner and Tony starts running up towards the cars with a handful of leaves and throws them on the car. Leaves are such an effective weapon when trying to get someone back. Gee, why didnt i think of that?
4:00 am We return to Karen's house and sit on the porch reinacting different portions of the feat. All in all, I think if a winner had to be declared, we came out on top. I think it was the panties and the hawaiian guy...
Well, to fill y'all in with what's going on, I must change the names of the innocent (and stupid).
David (not his real name) and I were good friends at one time. (and nothing more than that, really, nothing more.)
He's getting married in April to a woman in Florida, her name is Christina (again, not real) and she's all paranoid that David and I have a secret relationship.
Rrrrrrrrrrrrright.
Unlike some people, I have taste in men and I'm quite picky. (ha ha ha)
I guess on Thursday she threw a hissy fit because he wasn't too clear about when he last spoke to me. She was a big snoop and looked through emails of his and saw that we had a small exchange of letters. (I wouldn't constitute it as a conversation. I didn't write more than 8 words per email.)
There must be some psychological malfunctions going on when you get all suspicious over your FIANCEE when he has small 8-worded email conversations with a college student in Northern California who is 10 times prettier than you are. Well, either that or she has a marked propensity towards mental malfunctions.
All in all, I know David quite well. He can't see what everyone else sees because he'll and do anything becuase he's pussy whipped by someone who's relationshipped challenged. (She's mega jealous of our friendship; she fears that he likes me more than her...heh.)
This whole thing reminds me of something...I HATE STUPID PEOPLE...which is often the subject of my lovely page.
I also hate writing literature essays, but that's a different story.
I dont know what to wear this morning.
Tonight is Karen's all Orion female staffer's slumber party. Too bad I have to work this evening until midnight. I suppose if I'm feeling lively around then, I'll make an apparence, but I doubt it cuz I woke up so darn early. :(
Do they have 20lb bags of Pear flavored Jelly Belly's? If so, that's what I want for Christmas.
Speaking of, Karin wants Garden Gnomes from Santa
Ok, so I've got pants picked out, no sweater/shirt yet and I'm not sure if I want to wear the flip flops or socks/shoes. Maybe I'll go in slippers...
I do not want to be known as Kelly "I wanna grow up to be like Katherine Harris" Imoto. (If you didn't see the critique sheet, you're lost right now.)
I have some commentary on lastnight's events, however, they'll have to wait
I'll clean this page up later, have a good day