It had been one of those days. The weather outside was icy cold and unforgiving, a perfect day for the heat to break down at work. With the abscence of life giving heat, the endless hours of typing became quite painful. The only aid to my ever swelling knuckles was to grasp my large cup of coffee for the warmth. Well....that and the constant gum chewing that I do all day. Unfortunately, on this particular day, I had run out of gum. My emergency-reserve-alert-"ready 5"-backup-stand-by pack that normally resided in my jacket secret compartment was gone. I had no choice but to make my last piece last for three hours.

Four-thirty finally rolled around after what must have been at least two-hundred hours of work, and I bolted for the door. In my freezing car with the heater broke I sped down the expressway. Ahead of me the love of my life was waiting, probably nice and relaxed from this being her day off. But... before I could see my sweetie, I HAD to have gum!!!

The nearest place to my work that one could acquire gum was a little Korean liquor store. Standing like a bastian of hope against the night, it represented all that was good and decent in the world. When the world outside was cold and dark, the liqour store was bright and warm. Think about it... almost anything that you could ever NEED can be purchased at a Korean liqour store, and usually at any hour of the day or night. I pulled up in front, the best parking spot. Life was good.

Now, this particular liquor store was next door to a bingo parlor. I had been to the liquor store dozens of times, but never really paid any attention to the bingo parlor. Bingo is the chosen past time of my future Father-in-law, and my sweetie and I play with him on a regular basis. It's fun, and we get to visit. On one occasion I had been ignorant and foolishly inquired about playing at this particular bingo hall. I was quickly punished for suggesting something so fool-hardy. Apparently, there was a really good reason why we never went there, but I would never know what it was. In any case, I stopped on the way out of the liquor store and took a look at it. The sign over the door said something to the effect of "Bingo for the Homeless" on it. "Hmm..." I thought to myself, "It gives them someplace warm to go on a cold night, and something to do.". I shrugged, and walked back to my car, frantically trying to get the wrapper off of a fresh piece of the coveted gum.

When I got back into my car, I noticed something odd. In my rear view mirror, I could clearly see about a half a dozen homeless people slowly stammering towards me. Each one seemed to be carrying a cushion or pillow. "Hmm..." I thought. Then it hit me. I remembered back to my childhood and watching a movie called "Night of the Living Dead". I remembered how in this one scene in the graveyard, this young couple gets mobbed by zombies while trapped inside their car which, predictably, wouldn't start.

---- The hair on the back of my neck stood up.

I pulled out my keys, and quickly fumbled them with my cold hands as I tried to get them into the ignition switch...

---- The keys fell to the floor.

I glanced in my rear view mirror, and the number of homeless people wandering towards me had grown. " SHIT!! " I said out loud as I recovered my fumbled keys.

I managed to get the key into the ignition, and glanced in the mirror again. They were closer. Really close. They were everywhere. This was it, I was going to be eaten alive by homeless bingo enthusiasts. I turned the key, my heart pounding away with adrenalin.

---- The car started.

I put it in reverse, and broke a land speed record exiting the parking lot. As I drove down the main street, I could clearly see dozens and dozens of dirty people heading towards the bingo hall, and their path took them right where I had parked! I had narrowly escaped.

I drove on to my sweetie's house, and it all became clear. I understood why we never played bingo there, we would have been eaten alive. This would not have been a fun evening.

I got to her house, anxious to relate my harrowing tale to my mate, when I was surprised. The house was dark, except for candles and incense. "Phantom of the Opera" was on the CD player, and I couldn't see squat. When my eyes adjusted, I realized my honey was buck naked, wearing only a sly grin.... "Happy Tuesday!", she said.