JOKES

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ON THE LIGHTER SIDE OF THINGS
Please click on one of the joke titles given below to read it. I hope you like them.

Hidden Cameras

The Drink Thief

The fastest thing in the world

Sisters of Mercy

Three Guys in Hell

Vehicles in Heaven

Banta Singh's English Exam

Viagra for grandpa

The Sardar who was stranded on an Island

The Sardar who lost a donkey

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Hidden Cameras Jasmeet Kaur caught her husband Santa Singh searching high and low all around his living room.
Jasmeet: "What are you searching for?" Santa: "Hidden cameras!"
Jasmeet: "And what makes you think that there are hidden cameras here?" Santa: "That guy on TV knows exactly what I am doing. Why every few minutes he keeps saying 'You are watching the Star World channel'. How does he know that?"

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The Drink Thief
This guy is sitting inside a bar, just looking at his drink.
He stays like that for half-an-hour. Then, this big trouble-making bully steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down.
The poor man starts crying. The bully says: ''Come on man, I was just joking. Tell ya what, I'll buy you another drink. I just can't see a man crying.''
''No, it's not that. Today day is the worst of my life. First, I overslept and was late to an important meeting. My boss was outrageous and fired me. When I left the building to my car, I found out it was stolen.
The police said they could do nothing. I got a cab to return home, paid the cab driver, and the cab drove off. It was then I found that I left my wallet in the cab. I finally got home only to find my wife was in bed with another man. I left home and came to this bar. And when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison...''

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The Fastest Thing in the World
There were four people who were in the final stages of interviewing for a prestigious job. One was Christian, one was Catholic, one was a Buddhist and the forth was Jewish.
The company decided to fly them all in for dinner and a final interview.
Over dinner at a fine restaurant, the president of the company told them that all were very worthy applicants, and that he wished he could hire them all, but that they only had enough money budgeted to hire one person. He told them that he would call each of them in one at a time for a final interview the next day, and that he would ask each one of them the same question. Whoever answered the question the best would be the one hired. All applicants agreed that this was fair.
The next day the first applicant, the Christian, was called in. The president posed the question, "What is the fastest thing in the world?"
He thought for a moment and replied, "That would have to be a thought."
"Why do you say that?" asked the president.
"Well, a thought takes no time at all...it is in your mind in an instant, then gone again."
"Ahh, very good. Thank you," replied the president.
Next the same question was posed to the Catholic woman. "What is the fastest thing in the world?"
She paused and replied, "That would have to be a blink."
"Why?" asked the president.
"Because you don't even think about a blink, it's just a reflex. You do it in an instant."
The president thanked her, then called in the next person.
The Buddhist was asked what the fastest thing in the world was, and after hesitating for a brief moment, he replied, "I would have to say electricity. Why? Because a man can flip a switch, and immediately, three miles away a light will go on."
"I see, very good," replied the president.
Then, the Jewish man was called in.
He, too, was asked, "What is the fastest thing in the world?"
"That's easy..." he replied, "that would have to be diarrhoea!"
Rather stunned, the president asked, "Why do you say that?"
"Well, last night after dinner, I was lying in my bed and I got the worst stomach cramps...
..and before I could THINK, BLINK, or TURN ON THE LIGHTS..... (He got the job....)

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Sisters of Mercy
A man is driving down a deserted stretch of highway, when he notices a sign out of the corner of his eye. It reads SISTERS OF MERCY HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION - 10 MILES. He thinks it was just a figment of his imagination and drives on without a second thought. Soon, he sees another sign which says SISTERS OF MERCY HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION - 5 MILES and realises that these signs are for real.
When he drives past a third sign saying SISTERS OF MERCY HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION NEXT RIGHT, his curiosity gets the best of him and he pulls into the drive. On the far side of the parking lot is a sombre stone building with a small sign next to the door reading SISTERS OF MERCY. He climbs the steps and rings the bell. The door is answered by a nun in a long black habit who asks, "What may we do for you, my son?"
He answers, "I saw your signs along the highway, and was interested in possibly doing business."
"Very well, my son. Please follow me." He is led through many winding passages and is soon quite disoriented. The nun stops at a closed door, and tells the man, "Please knock on this door". He does as he is told and this door is answered by another nun in a long habit and holding a tin cup. This nun instructs, "Please place $50 in the cup, then go through the large wooden door at the end of this hallway."
He gets $50 out of his wallet and places it in the second nun's cup. He trots eagerly down the hall and slips through the door, pulling it shut behind him. As the door locks behind him, he finds himself back in the parking lot, facing another small sign: GO IN PEACE, YOU HAVE JUST BEEN SCREWED BY THE SISTERS OF MERCY.

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Three guys in Hell
Three guys found themselves in Hell: we will call them Carl, Bob, and Brett, they were a little confused at their present situation, and they were startled to see a door in the wall open, and behind the door was perhaps the ugliest woman they had ever seen. She was 3'4", dirty, and you could smell her even over the Brimstone.
The voice of the Devil was heard, "Brett, you have sinned! You are condemned to spend the rest of eternity in bed with this woman!" And Brett was whisked through the door by a group of lesser demons to his torment.
This understandably shook up the other two, and so they both jumped when a second door opened, and they saw an even more disgusting example of womanhood gone wrong. She was over 7' tall, monstrous, covered in thick black hair,and flies circled her.
The voice of the Devil was heard, "Carl, you have sinned! You are condemned to spend the rest of eternity in bed with this woman!" And Carl, like Brett, was whisked off.
Bob, now alone, felt understandably anxious, and feared the worst when the third door opened. And as the door inched open, he strained to see the figure of ... Cindy Crawford. Delighted, Bob jumped up, taking in the sight of this beautiful woman, barely dressed in a skimpy bikini. Then he heard the voice of the Devil saying:
"Cindy, you have sinned ........"

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Vehicles in Heaven
Three friends are in a car driving to the ballgame when a big truck crashes in them, killing them instantly.
They find themselves at the Pearly Gates being interviewed by St. Peter. "OK, you," he says, pointing to Vito, "How many times did you cheat on your wife? And don't lie, I'm St. Peter you know. "
Vito hangs his head and replies, "Honestly Pete, I was with two maybe three different broads a week."
St. Peter says, "OK, your car in heaven is that used Geo Metro over there, goodbye."
He looks at Eddie and asks, "How many times did you cheat on your wife?"
Eddie replies, "I must admit that in 15 years of marriage I did cheat on my wife 3 times."
St. Peter says, "OK, your car in heaven is that LeBaron,goodbye."
He then looks at Jacob and asks, "And you, how many times did you cheat on your wife?"
Jacob lifts his head high and replies, "I am proud to say that over 20 years of marriage, I never cheated on my wife! In fact, my beloved has been dead for 2 years now and I remained celibate the whole time!"
St. Peter replies, "Very impressive. Your car in heaven is that Ferrari convertible. Goodbye!"
A couple of hours later, Vito and Eddie are waiting for Jacob at the park where all three had planned to meet. Jacob arrives a couple of minutes later in his Ferrari, and his friends notice that he is sobbing like a baby.
Vito asks, "Hey! Whatsamatterwidyou? We should be crying!We're stuck with these ugly buckets and you got a new Ferrari!"
Jacob, between sobs replies, "I just saw my wife on a skateboard!"

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Banta Singh�s English Exam:
Banta Singh finished his English exam and came out. His friends asked him how did he do his exam, for that he replied "Exam was okay, but for the past tense of THINK, I thought, thought, thought ... and atlast I wrote THUNK!!!"

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Viagra For Grandpa
Little Timmy is playing on the street when he spots a package of Viagra pills. Being a boy of the world, he immediately recognises the possibilities and approaches his daddy:
"Dad, I just found these, and I'm willing to sell them to you for 100 Dollars straight."
"Son, well, while this is a very good offer, I'm in perfect physical health and not currently needing those. Tell you what, go ask Grandpa."
So Timmy walks over and asks his grandfather:
"Gramps, I will sell you this package of Viagra for 100 Dollars."
"Oh, thanks Timmy, but are you sure these will work?"
"Gee, I don't know. But they do look like the ones that were shown on TV!"
"Tell you what, Timmy, I'll try them tonight and if they work OK, I'll give you the money tomorrow."
The next morning, Timmy visits his grandfather again,and Gramps hands over $500 without hesitation. Timmy is perplexed:
"But Gramps, I thought we agreed on 100 Dollars!"
"That's OK, Timmy, keep it, the rest is from Grandma!"

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Stranded Sardarji

Three men were stranded on an uninhabited island. One was Hindu, one a Muslim, and the other a Surd. The only way back home was to swim 100 miles to the next island, which was inhabited.
The Muslim was so determined to get home that he tried to swim. He made it 50 miles, got tired, and drowned.
Then the Hindu tried. He made it 75 miles, but got tired and drowned, too.
The Surdar thought he could make it all the way, so he started swimming. He swam 50 miles, but started getting tired, so he swam all the way back to the island.

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The Sardarji who lost a donkey

Having lost his donkey a Sardarji, got down to his knees and started thanking God. A passerby saw him and asked, "Your donkey is missing; what are you thanking God for ?"
The Sardarji replied "I am thanking Him for seeing to it that I wasn't riding the donkey at that time, otherwise I would have been missing too."

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