32 Ways to Beat Stress in the 90's
- Jam 39 tiny marshmallows up your nose and try to sneeze them out.
- Use your Mastercard to pay your Visa.
- Pop some popcorn without putting on the lid.
- When someone says, "Have a nice day," tell them you have other plans.
- FInd out what a frog in a blender really looks like.
- Make a "to do" list of the things you have already done.
- Forget the diet centre - send yourself a candygram.
- Dance naked in front of your pets.
- Put your toddlers' clothes on backwards and send them to pre-school as if nothing is wrong.
- Retaliate for tax woes by filling out your tax form using Roman Numerals.
- Tattoo "OUT TO LUNCH" on your forehead.
- Tape pictures of your boss on watermelons and launch them from high places.
- Leaf through a National Geographic and draw underwear on the natives.
- Go shopping, buy everything, sweat in them and return them the next day.
- Buy a subscription to Sleezoid Weekly and send it to your boss's wife.
- Pay your electric bill in pennies.
- Drive to work in reverse.
- Relax by mentally reflecting on your favourite episode of "The Flintstones" during an important finance or staff meeting.
- Sit naked on a shelled, hard-boiled egg.
- Refresh yourself - put your tongue on a cold guardrail.
- Tell your boss to blow it out his mule and let him figure it out.
- Polish your car with ear wax.
- Read the dictionary upside-down and look for subliminal messages.
- Start a nasty rumour and see if you can recognize it when it gets back to you.
- Bill your doctor for the time spent in his waiting room.
- Braid the hair in each nostril.
- Write a short story using alphabet soup.
- Lie on your back, eat celery and use your navel as a salt dipper.
- Stare at people through the tines of your fork and pretend they're in jail.
- Make up a language and ask people for directions.
- During your next meeting, sneeze, and then loudly suck the phlegm back down your throat.
- Get a box of condoms. Wait in line at the check-out counter and ask the cashier where the fitting rooms are.
