YOU MIGHT BE A REDNECK IF...
- You view the upcoming family reunion as a chance to meet women
- Your grandmother has ever been asked to leave a bingo game because of her language
- You consider a bug zapper and a six-pack of beer quality entertainment
- There are more than ten lawsuits currently pending against your dog
- You bring a bar of soap to a public pool
- The most common phrase heard at your family reunion is "What the hell you lookin' at, Diphead?"
- You've ever bought a used cap
- Your dad walks you to school because you're in the same grade
- You drove to elementary school
- Motel 6 turns off the light when they see you coming
- When describing your kids you use the phrase "dumb as a brick"
- You think God looks an awful lot like Hank Williams, Jr.
- You've ever been kicked out of the KKK for being a "bigot"
- The Orkin man tells you "Give up; you've lost"
- You think people with electricity are uppity
- You consider dating second cousins "playing the field"
- You've ever lost a loved one to kudzu
- Your bicycle has a gun rack
- You've ever shot someone over a mall parking space
- Santa Claus refuses to let your kids sit on his lap
- You've ever heckled during a eulogy
- Your mother has "ammo" on her Christmas list
- Going to the bathroom in the middle of the night requires shoes and a flashlight
- You've ever written Richard Petty's name on a presidential ballot
- Your Christmas tree has a deer stand in it
- You've ever left Santa Claus a PBR and a Slim Jim
- Jack Daniels makes your list of most admired people
- You wore curlers to your wedding so you would look nice at the reception
- You think heaven looks a lot like Daytona Beach, Florida.
- Breakfast every morning is interrupted by someone asking, "Anybody seen my teeth?"
- Chiggers are included on your list of top five hygiene concerns
- You think people who send out high school graduation announcements are show-offs
- You refer to the fifth grade as "my senior year"
- You honest-to-God believe that Ted Nugent rules
- You've ever started a petition to change the National Anthem to "Freebird"
- Your four-year-old is a member of the NRA
- You have refused to watch the Academy Awards since _Smokey and the Bandit_ was snubbed for best picture
- Your coat of arms features kudzu
- Your mother has ever stomped into the house and announced, "The feud is back on!"
- After removing the empty beer cans from your car you find you get fifteen more miles to the gallon
- You bought a VCR because wrestling is on while you're at work
- You've been on TV more than once describing what the tornado sounded like
- The UFO hotline limits you to one call per day
- Your welcome mat says, "You'd better have a search warrant."
- Your baby's first words are "Attention K-Mart Shoppers"
- you've ever had to haul a can of paint to the top of a water tower to defend your sister's honor
- Your parrakeet can say "Open up, it's the police!"