I really don't know why I followed him. Maybe it was the fact that he had fed 5000 people with two fish and five loaves of bread. Maybe it was the fact that he said things about God I never knew before. Maybe it was the fact that people claimed he could heal the sick, raise the dead, and do all sorts of other miracles, some bordering on outrageous. His main group of twelve said he could walk on water. One of them even said he had walked to him in the middle of the sea, and the other eleven backed up the ridiculous story. They called him Master, the Messiah, and the reincarnation of Elijah. They were even calling him the son of the Most High God. Come to think of it, maybe I followed him because I was simply curious to see what he would do next.

I found him at Capernaum. How he got there in only one night, I shall never know. But he was there with the twelve, and as soon as the people saw him, the people started asking him questions. I almost felt sorry for him. The man never had a break.

"How did you get here?" one person shouted out of the crowd. "And why did you leave us, master?"

"You didn't come looking for me because of what I could teach you, but because of the fact that I fed you. It isn't wise to hunger after the food of this world, rather, desire the food that will give you eternal life. It will be given to you by the son of God, for God has appointed him for that purpose."

This was the kind of thing he was always saying. It really made me mad sometimes, all this talking in riddles. There was no such food that could make people live forever. Who did this man think he was? It was almost ludicrous, the kind of things he came up with.

I was about to leave when someone asked him another question. A little girl in the crowd shouted out, "How can we do what God wants us to do?" He looked at the crowd and simply replied, "Believe in the one whom he sent. That is all he requires of you."

The crowd started getting a little nasty then. "Well then," someone said. "Do you claim to be the Messiah, the son of God? Are we supposed to believe in you? What have you done warranting that belief? Moses called down bread from heaven in the midst of the desert for our forefathers to eat. What have you done?"

Slowly, he turned to face his accuser. There was a sadness in his eyes unlike which I had never seen. It was the look of disappointment that a father gives a child who has performed less than his expectations, that sorrowful look that said that he wanted more than what he was recieveing. Patiently, he formed his reply.

"Moses didn't feed your ancestors. However, that is neither here nor there. My Father will give you the true bread from heaven. The bread of God is not manna, but comes through the messenger that he sends, the one who will give life to the world."

"Give us some, then," said one of the crowd, and others quickly picked up the cry. "Give us the bread of life," they cried. "Feed us with the bread of life forever."

He shook his head sorrowfully. "Don't you see," he said sadly, "I am the bread of life sent from heaven, that messenger who will bring life to the world. Anyone who comes to me will never hunger, and anyone who believes in me shall never be thirsty again. Yet, you don't believe me. You have seen me and still don't believe."

He stood before the people, arms outstretched, like a husband welcoming his wife home after a long day. "I will turn no one away. All that the Father sends to me, I will receive, and will cast no one out. I came from heaven not to do what I wish to do, but only to do the will of the one who sent me. I was sent by the Father, so that all who believe in me should have life everlasting."

This put the crowd in an uproar. "Who does he think he is," they started mumbling. We know this man, and he didn't come down from heaven. We know his mother and his father by name. How can he claim to have been heaven sent?"

This was starting to get nasty.

"Please," he said, "don't mumble amongst yourselves. "No one can come to me unless the Father wills it. It has been said by the prophets, 'And they shall be all taught of God.' Therefore everyone who has heard, and has learned from God comes to me. I tell you truthfully, anyone who believes in me shall have everlasting life. I am the bread of life, the food that will give life to the world. Your ancestors ate manna in the wilderness, and they are all dead now. But, the bread of life is bread straight from heaven, that a man can eat and live forever. I am that bread, and if any man eats the bread, he shall live forever. The bread I give is my flesh, which I will give so that the world may live."

"Is he crazy?" asked one man of the crowd. "Do you think we are cannibals? How can you say you will give your flesh to eat?" he asked of him that stood before us. I was getting a little wary. I didn't really understand what was going on, but I knew one thing. He could only push this crowd but so far before they declared him a heretic and tried to kill him.

"Listen to me," he said. "You will die unless you eat of the flesh of the Son of man, and drink of his blood. Whoever eats my flesh, and drinks my blood will have eternal life. He that eats and drinks of me lives in me, and I live in him. Because the Father sent me and I live because of him, he that eats of my body will live because of me. This is the bread that comes from heaven; not the manna your ancestors ate but the true bread of life, and anyone who eats it will live forever."

"We don't have to listen to this heresy," cried out one woman from the crowd. "I'm leaving, and I advise you do, too. I'll bet you have better things to do than listen to a raving lunatic!" She stalked off, and people followed, until all that was left was a handful of people.

One brave person walked up to him. "I don't understand what you are saying," said the man. He was one of his main followers, although not one of the twelve. "I have followed you through the last twelve cities, and you have said the same thing in all twelve, with the same response. It is rather hard to believe, sir, if you'll excuse me saying it. Who do you think will believe it?" The man rushed on as the master regarded him with curious eyes. "Don't you think you should stop?"

"Why should I stop?" he said. "Does what I say offend you? You claim to follow me and yet you do not believe. What would happen, I wonder, if you saw me rise up to heaven? Don't you understand? It is the spirit that causes life, the flesh accounts for nothing. The things I teach are spiritual, and they are life to those that believe. But you do not believe. It's as I have said over and over again, only those permitted to come to me by the Father can come to me." He walked away, his twelve chosen on his heels. A handful of others followed, including the bold inquisitor.

For some strange reason, I joined his band of travelers. The words he said intrigued me. Sure, they were outrageous, even bordering on pure lunacy. However, I couldn't be certain it wasn't the truth. If the man could walk on water, heal the sick, and fix an outstanding fish dinner with some scraps, there had to be more to him than most. He was definitely special. Maybe he was the son of God. I just had to see for myself.

I didn't see much in the days that followed except mutiny. His followers dwindled more city by city. Even the inquisitor finally left.

"Why do you leave him?" I finally asked as he was packing his bags. "Don't you believe what he is saying?"

"I used to," he answered me. "It was alright when he told us the stories, it was alright when he healed the sick, it was alright when he told us to abandon all we had to follow him. It was even alright when he started preaching in the churches. But, what he is doing now is heresy, and blasphemy, and I can't take it. There is no way he can be the child of God, and I won't stand for it another minute. I won't, I won't, I won't!" the man said, and turned to leave. But, I could see tears in his eyes. There were so many that wanted to believe, but even I could see it was a little farfetched. How could this man be the son of God?

The master looked up and saw the man leave, one of the last of his followers. In despair, he looked his remaining followers, the only ones he had left still on his side. "He wouldn't even look me in the eyes as he deserted me," he said sadly. His eyes met mine. "Tell me, will you also leave me?"

The sound of his voice almost brought me to tears. It was tired, weary, and full of despair. He so desperately wanted someone to believe him, someone to believe in him who sent him. There was so much sorrow in his voice, and it ripped something in my soul. I couldn't bear to see him like this. I really didn't know what to say.

He seemed to know I didn't know what to do, and somehow I felt as if he really didn't expect me to. He looked over at his best friend, his favorite of the twelve and repeated the question. "Will you also leave me, my friend?"

"Where would we go?" his friend answered. "Master, only you have the words to eternal life. We believe you are the Christ, the son of living God. How can we leave?"

"I've chosen the twelve of you, haven't I," he said, "and one of you is a devil." He was silent as they digested this. "We leave for Galilee in the morning. I'm not going to walk among these people anymore, they wish to kill me." He walked away from the group, most likely to go and pray. He had a habit of doing that.

His remaining followers broke into a fervor. "Does he think we're crazy, following him all over creation? This happens in every town we go to. He preaches for a while, and then people start wanting to kill him," one man said. "I'm starting to fear for my life. One day these people are going to start trying to kill us just because they saw us with him! I like life a little too much to put up with the likes of him."

"Yeah," said others. "We can't just follow anyone who pops up and says they're the son of God. It's time to find another person, someone in their right mind to follow."

I wasn't planning on saying anything. I still hadn't made up my mind on whether or not this man was who he said he was. I just couldn't shake the look in his eyes, the wounded look of betrayal he seemed to get everytime he saw yet another one of us desert him. Maybe he was crazy. Maybe I was crazy for following him. But, it was really wrong to desert him now.

"You people are such hypocrites! You'll follow anyone as long as it's comfortable. But, as soon as things get a little rough, you'll run away like dogs with your tails between your legs. I don't know who he is anymore than you. I don't know if I believe him or not. But, who else can I run to? He is the only one I've ever seen who can do the things he does. And I won't let you betray him."

I would have said more, but one of the twelve put his hand on my shoulder. It was his favorite, the one that had called him the son of God, the one that had walked on water to meet him. "Let them go," he said to me. "They will never understand, and we cannot make them. Not everyone is going to listen."

I don't know why, but I started crying. "I wasn't going to follow him, either. I just wanted to see what the hype was. But, now that I've seen for myself, how can I not believe?" I said, crying. "No one else can be what he is. He must be the child of God. He can't be anyone else. He wants so desperately for them to believe, and they keep turning their backs on him. Why can't they see?"

"Because they weren't meant to," said his friend. "But, what are you going to do now?"

"Stay," I said. "There's nothing else to do. Where can I go? What else can I do? I have seen God's child and lived to tell the tale. None of that other stuff matters anymore. He has the only thing that even makes a difference anymore. Who can I go to besides him?"

"Then stay with us," said his friend. "We'll be glad to have you."

That night, I rolled out my blanket among his followers as I had for days on end. But this time, I knew why for the very first time. I had found the most important thing in life, the very secret to life, and nothing was going to make me let it go.

Back to home page
Back to Shekynah's Library.