Ranma 1/2 Chugoku Nekonron daikessen! Okite yaburi no gekito hen (1991)

RANMA 1/2: THE MOVIE
synopsis by, Alan Takahashi ([email protected])

Happosai flits about town, stealing more panties, but suddenly stops as he senses someone watching him. Rushing around a corner, he loses a head-on confrontation with........a speeding car. Worse, he loses his booty. As he falls, his now-empty sack hangs on a sign which reads:

At the Tendo doujou, a dejected Happosai comes home with his empty sack. Hopping on a clothes line, he briefly observes Genma/panda and Soun engaged in their usual game of go. But, happy stars, he notices some underwear hung in a window at the end of the clothes line. He LEAPS to get it...and stops in mid-air. Ranma was suddenly also on the clothes line and had stepped on Happosai's sack.

Ranma demanded to know what Happosai was doing (as if he didn't know!). Happosai meekly offered to share his booty with Ranma, especially since the booty was Akane's. Ranma hotly responded, saying he didn't understand why Happosai wanted panties from a sexless girl like Akane....who, as it turns out, was standing on the balcony where the clothes line was tied. She responded by untying the clothes line...good thing that Ranma and Happosai were over the pool....

After surfacing, Ranma-chan demands to know why Akane did that; after all, *she* (or is that *he*?) didn't steal the panties... just as Happosai slips one of Akane's panties into Ranma-chan's hand. Burning up with fury, Akane grabs a conveniently placed mallet, leaps off the balcony and goes after Ranma-chan. Ranma-chan takes one look at the approaching Akane, and disappears over the wall.

Ryouga is trying to find his way back to town. As he is walking, he thinks of Akane. In fact, it almost seems that he can hear her voice. Then he starts thinking: if he was dreaming Akane's voice, he wouldn't imagine her saying "Come back here", and he DEFINITELY wouldn't imagine Ranma-chan's voice. At this point, Happosai and Ranma-chan run over Ryouga followed by Akane. Akane notices who she ran over, and apologizes without reducing speed. A passing motorcycle splashing water is the last straw. P-chan has HAD ENOUGH, and takes off after the trio. Yup, Ryouga has found his way home... :-)

Ranma-chan can't catch up with Happosai, so she takes a roof tile, and does a *beautiful* baseball pitch. The tile sends Happosai through someone else's apartment. The observing Ranma-chan is flattened by a passing bicycle (on a *roof*?). Shampoo turns Ranma back into a boy, then asks for a date. Akane answers by dumping a convenient bucket of cold water on both of them. Ranma-chan screams and tries to get away from Shampoo-neko. Akane and P-chan take off after them.

Mousse notices the crowd running past, and asks the good-luck cat what's going on. Cologne (after noting that Shampoo is part of the crowd and not inside) helps by punting Mousse outside.

Ukyou is opening for the day, and hears a scream behind her. She turns to see Ranma-chan being chased by Akane and half the town. Tsubasa makes his presence known, and Ukyou punts him with her 'noren' (curtains hung in a Japanese doorway). As she needs those, she takes off after the crowd.

For various reasons, the marathon is joined by Kunou, Kodachi, the school principal, the Gambling King, the ice-skating pair, and even the bakeneko (ghost cat). This *does* seem to be the day when the town gets together... :-)

Happosai is wandering around, and steals some food. (The shopkeeper yells "thief", and Happosai tells him to charge it to the Tendo doujou in general and Ranma Saotome in particular). He is grabbed by Ranma-chan who sends him off in a *beautiful* football kick.

Someone else notices Happosai's flight, and whistles...

Ranma-chan and Akane glance back, and notice the huge crowd behind them, and start to argue about whose fault it was. The crowd is soon joined by something dark and sinister...something that starts knocking the crowd away, person by person. It soon reaches Ranma-chan and Akane...

At home, Kasumi is going to the kitchen to get some tea, and the panda and Soun are still playing go. Things change drastically as the entire front room and patio is destroyed. When the smoke clears, Soun is presented with a scene of utter destruction, with Ranma-kun, Akane, Shampoo, Ryouga and Cologne sprawled throughout. Happosai is in the wall. The dark and sinister something turns out to be a *very* angry white elephant. Kasumi comes in, and says that the elephant is cute.

The elephant scans the crowd, and spots Happosai. It then wrecks a terrible revenge on him. This is interrupted by a whistle, and the elephant ambles off to get his mistress. She then starts a tirade at him, which culminates with her throwing a scroll at him. The scroll bounces off Happosai to land in Akane's hands. The tirade continues, punctuated with lightning.

As it turns out, the lightning heralds the arrival of a.....flying boat?? On the boat is someone who introduces himself as [a very long title] Kirin. The girl starts running to him with arms outstretched calling him "my prince". He stops her by asking who she is. Kirin only wants the holder of the scroll. Nabiki asks if the scroll Akane is holding is the one. In response, Kirin orders one of his people to get Akane which is quickly done. Ranma follows, but his punch is stopped by Kirin's chopsticks. Ranma falls, but his fall is broken by Ryouga. As the boat disappears (actually attached to a blimp), Akane calls out for Ranma.

The girl runs off on her elephant chasing the boat. Soun is devestated with the loss of his daughter. With a little prodding, Happosai tells his story: when he was a young man in China, he witnessed a girl being sent off to a castle to be married against her will. She had 1/2 of a scroll which held a deadly secret. Happosai went in to rescue her, but got out only with her half of the scroll. He got caught, but got away. As he lay injured on a river bank, a young girl on a white elephant came by, and Happosai gave her the scroll and told her to keep it safe.

Upon hearing this story, Ranma and the gang decide to go after Akane (actually, Ranma and Ryouga is going, and everyone else wants to follow Ranma), but Kasumi notes that they have no way of getting to China. Kunou barges in through a wall, and states that with his riches, *he'll* provide the transportation to save Akane...

On a large rowboat (the fabulous transportation), Kunou leads the charge to rescue Akane. Everyone else is sitting disgusted at the whole mess. Happosai starts crying about Akane, and uses her panty to dab his eyes. This understandably annoys Ryouga, and their argument tips the overloaded boat over. Fortunately, Ranma-chan spots a boat coming and waves at it. Unfortunately, there is a very annoyed white elephant in the middle of the boat...

On the blimp-boat, Akane has been brought before Kirin where she is told that her destiny is to marry him. Akane doesn't take this news very well, and throws a punch at Kirin. He blocks the first punch with his chopsticks, but doesn't expect the 2nd. Her blow knocks Kirin against the wall, and a pickled vegetable falls off to everyone's horror. Akane is locked up, and given rice and pickled vegetables to eat. (An American equivalent to this would be bread and water). Depressed, she looks out the window and thinks about Ranma...

A major battle is going on as Ranma and company try to get on the boat, but the girl and the elephant keep knocking them off. (Kunou is pleasantly surprised that "osage no onna" has also come along, but Ranma-chan keeps punching him). The girl waxes poetic and our group builds a fire. She blasts them with a megaphone and notices Happosai snuggling up to her. The elephant throws him to the deck and prepares to smash him (accompanied by the enthusiastic cheering of Ranma-chan and everyone else). Unfortunately, Happosai moves away at the last second and the elephant smashes a hole in the boat. They need something to plug the hole, and everyone looks at Happosai...

Akane has been let out and is now being treated to a scrumptious meal consisting of.....rice and pickled vegetables. She complains bitterly to Kirin and asks why they feed her this stuff every day instead of hamburgers, etc. The looks of horror that she gets doesn't encourage her, and she storms out. In the middle of the hallway, her stomach growls...

Repairs are proceeding on the boat and everyone is involved (including a bailing panda and pig...though the duck doesn't appear useful...). The girl looks in on Ranma-chan who is putting the finishing touches on the plug (Happosai). The girl had earlier introduced herself as Reichi and her elephant is Jasmine. Ranma-chan casually asks Reichi what's going on, and Reichi grabs Ranma-chan and intensely asks if Ranma-chan *really* wants to hear her tragic story. Ranma-chan can only weakly say "go ahead"...

That night, Akane is sneaking around the blimp boat (dressed as a thief in the night - the scarf is used to hide facial features). After making sure that everyone is asleep, she sneaks into the kitchen and begins a cooking marathon...

The boat enters China proper as Reichi continues her story. [Story to be included once I figure it out. Suffice it to say, for now, that the scroll is the key for getting married, and joining the group that Kirin leads. This is actually half the scroll; Kirin holds the other half, and the marriage becomes binding when the two halves are put together. This is also the scroll which, according to Happosai, holds a secret which could destroy the world.].

Akane has found a vault. Figuring that THIS is where they keep the real food, she breaks in. She finds vat after vat filled with.... ...rotting vegetables?? Rapidly, she dumps them on the loading dock, and triggers the boat's alarm.

Jasmine gets very excited and almost tips everyone in the water. The elephant has noticed the blimp boat (with alarms blaring) which isn't too far ahead. The group struggles to catch up.

Akane has now confronted everyone with the spectacle of all of the vats on the loading platform, and she threatens to dump it all into the sea. Kirin arrives and commands Akane to move away from the switch. Akane responds by presenting a multiple course meal...cooked by her and forces Kirin to sample it. She asks if it tastes good, and Kirin collapses. One of his henchmen informs Akane that, over the centuries, their people have evolved to the point where they can ONLY eat rice and pickled vegetables, and that she had poisoned Kirin (though her cooking would poison ANYONE, anyway... :-)). Panicked, Akane races to open a vat when Kirin falls over and triggers the switch. Akane, Kirin and numerous vats fall out.

At this point, Ranma and company had caught up and were directly under the blimp boat. Thus, they were in a perfect position to get a slightly unusual shower. Akane and Kirin fell into the water. Ranma and Reichi dove in after them. Once Ranma-chan and Reichi had resurfaced, a net came down and brought all of them back to the blimp boat.

Below, Happosai made an inane comment regretting the passing of Ranma-chan and Reichi. An angry Genma and Soun loaded Happosai into Jasmine's 'gun' and said "Fire!". The impact made a colorful display, and triggered yet another alarm on the blimp boat. Akane regained consciousness and was overjoyed to see Ranma-chan. Naturally, this didn't last...

Happosai had hit the bottom of the blimp boat, and tried to race up to the main deck. He found his progress impeded by an additional weight: Shampoo, Mousse, Kunou, Ryouga, Soun, a panda, and an elephant. He struggled onto the deck to find his path blocked by a group of warriors. One of them was a beautiful woman, so that was incentive enough for Happosai to struggle forward, bringing the rest of the group on board. Both sides got ready for battle.

Akane is angry at Ranma-chan for Reichi snuggling up to him/her (she thinks Ranma is Kirin) while Ranma-chan pointedly is referring to Kirin and Akane (Kirin's head is in Akane's lap). One punch is enough to knock Ranma-chan senseless and release them all from the net. At this point, Kirin and Reichi regain consciousness.

Ignoring both Reichi and Ranma-chan's demands that Akane be returned, Kirin states that Akane is his. Ranma-chan hotly denies that, saying that Akane is his iinasuke (fiancee). A shocked Kirin cannot believe it, pointing out that Ranma-chan is a girl. Akane murmurs "baka...".

With tears in her eyes, Akane screams "RANMA NO BAKA!!!!!!" and flattens her.

Up on deck, most of the battles are over. The last to fall are Ryouga, Mousse, and Shampoo. Akane helps Kirin up on deck while a disbelieving Ranma-chan and Reichi follow. A switch is flipped, and the front part of the boat turns over (does this thing have a real center-of-gravity??? :-)). Everyone, including Ranma-chan and Reichi falls over into the sea. Akane rushes to the side to see numerous splashes below.

In Kirin's chambers, Akane is looking after him. He thanks Akane and asks if she is ready, for nobody can 'rescue' her now. Akane replies that Kirin should not underestimate Ranma. Kirin asks if Akane and Ranma are a couple, but Akane does not answer. He then gets up, and presses Akane against a wall. Kirin bends down to kiss Akane. Confused and frightened, Akane turns her head away, but does nothing else. Kirin releases her and leaves, saying that he has to get ready.

The blimp boat approaches an isolated castle that is surrounded with numerous geysers. Happosai had managed to grab the boat earlier, and hanging on to the rope was Ranma-chan, Reichi and Jasmine. The blimp boat passed too close to one of the geysers, and the force of the water blew Happosai off the boat. Of course, the law of gravity is still in effect for the rest... :-)

The blimp boat docks at the top of the castle and Kirin dismisses his warriors. He then escorts Akane below.

Ranma-kun regains consciousness and is almost flattened by a boulder. A note is on the boulder, but Ranma can't read it. Reichi translates for him. The note is an invitation to the wedding between [long title] Kirin and Akane Tendo. This prompts Ranma to take off for the castle, disregarding Happosai's warning that Ranma would have to face the 5 guardians before reaching the castle. Reichi follows on Jasmine. Happosai was going to stay where he was until he remembered that one of the 5 warriors was that woman he saw earlier. He follows Ranma and Reichi.

1. This is the giant warrior with the trident. (He even looks like Neptune :-)). Ranma comes up and prepares for battle, but is startled by the sudden appearance of Happosai. Happosai whips out a large happodaikarin (it's actually a giant firecracker), but trips and lands at the feet of the warrior. The blast takes out both the warrior and Happosai...not to mention the temple. Ranma and Reichi continue on.
   
   
2. The next temple contains a pair that is playing go. As Ranma approaches, one of the pair makes a move. A giant go piece appears, and almost crushes Ranma. The play on the small go board is being echoed on the massive go board that Ranma is standing on. Jumping to avoid the falling go pieces, Ranma has to use his brains (for once), and deduces what the weakness is: one go piece cannot stand on another. Ranma destroys the small go board which destroys the temple.
   
   
3. This is the giant blob. Mousse had tried to used his weapons earlier, but the weapons kept bouncing off. Ranma marveled at the size of this warrior, and Reichi says that this warrior is even bigger than her Jasmine. At this, Jasmine ambles over and stares into the warrior's eyes. The warrior takes Jasmine's trunk and hugs it. Ranma and Reichi leave the two lovers behind and continue on.
   
   

4. This is the woman with the samisen (kind of like a Japanese guitar). Ranma challenges her, but her tone is patronizing. Using the strings of her samisen, she wraps up Ranma and Reichi, and demonstrates the razor-sharpness of the strings to painful effect on Ranma. Ranma is still defiant, so she throws her pick at Ranma to kill him. The helpless Ranma braces, but something happens and the pick is deflected while he is freed from the strings. Ranma looks up to find that his rescuer is....Shampoo. She tells Ranma to go on while she fights. (Shampoo had lost earlier against this warrior). Despite his misgivings, Ranma leaves while Shampoo tries to prevent the warrior from following.
   
   

Akane has been dressed in her wedding gown, and arrives to find Kirin waiting. He hands her her half of the scroll and instructs her to put it together with his. When this happens, the marriage will be complete...

5. This is the small warrior with the whip. Beaten and battered, Ranma tries to face this warrior, but he is no match for him. The warrior gets ready to finish Ranma off, but notices something coming from behind him. He is promptly flatten by.....Ryouga? Ryouga is followed by [Kunou], Genma, Soun, Happosai, Mousse (carrying the woman warrior thinking it's Shampoo...yes, he got the wrong one!), and Shampoo. The group head off to the tower...
   

A trembling Akane moves slowly to join the two scrolls together. At the final moment, Akane silently says Ranma's name when Ryouga interrupts. Akane looks to find the whole group there. Everyone, she painfully realizes, except Ranma. Kirin doesn't take kindly to this interruption, and acts...

At the base of the tower, Ranma and Reichi see an explosion of light at the top. They hurry up...

Akane finds everyone has been knocked out. She turns around and starts yelling at Kirin, who for his part, doesn't understand why Akane is so upset. (After all, doesn't she *want* to get married?) At this point, Akane hears Ranma's call for a challenge and turns around to find him and Reichi in the doorway.

The two opponents face off. Ranma attacks with his "tenshin amaguriken" technique (think of "Fist of the North Star"). Using his chopsticks, Kirin blocks all of Ranma's blows and knocks Ranma into a wall. Noticing the bruises on his hands, Ranma realizes how Kirin is blocking him, but needs some way of getting through his defenses. A drop of sweat gives him an idea...

A desperate Akane grabs Kirin and begs him to stop fighting. She is interrupted by Ranma who says that if he stops now, he won't be able to get Akane back again. Kirin agrees with this assessment.

The two opponents face off again. This time, Kirin attacks, but Ranma avoids the attack and punches the floor. As Kirin smirks at the ineffectual attack, a geyser of (hot) water floods into the room from the hole in the floor.

The rest of the group are conscious now, but they make no attempt to interfere. This fight is now solely Ranma's...

Ranma attacks again with his "tenshin amaguriken" technique, and Kirin blocks as before. Suddenly, something strikes Kirin. Ranma is using his feet to blast bits of water at Kirin. Ranma blasts a large gob of water at Kirin who blocks, but the water passes through the chopsticks to knock Kirin against the wall.

By now, everyone is aware of what Ranma is doing. Ryouga notes that this attack can only be done by someone who has mastered "tenshin amaguriken". Genma shows a bit of paternal pride ("that's *my* son!"). Akane is just very happy. (Come to think of it, so is Shampoo... :-))

Kirin has stopped playing, and attacks by using the rice in his bowl as bullets. Ranma counterattacks. The collision between the two blinds everyone. It is Ranma who prevails, but the tower has had enough as well. The whole tower is swallowed up by a huge geyser. (Perhaps Ranma and Kirin have overdone it just a little? :-))

In the eye of the geyser, Akane has lost consciousness (she can't swim, remember?). Ranma swims toward her, but Kirin gets there first. Kirin, suddenly, notices Reichi going after her half of the scroll. Releasing Akane, he tries to stop her. Ranma leaps for Akane at this point.

As the geyser dies down, Ranma has Akane, and Kirin has the unconscious Reichi who is holding her scroll. The geyser gradually collapses...

Ranma and Akane surface. Akane thanks Ranma for coming after her. An embarrassed Ranma says that it was nothing. Kirin emerges with Reichi. Putting her down, he takes her half of the scroll and puts it together with his half. In this way, both the scroll and the couple are united.

Curiously, Ranma asks what's on the scroll. Kirin opens the scroll, and Shampoo peers over his shoulder. Translating, she starts to recite the secret held in the scroll.....a recipe for pickled vegetables???? While Kirin and his warriors beam, Shampoo finishes reciting the recipe.

Angrily, Ranma and the rest of the group surround Happosai. Ryouga demands if THIS is the world threatening secret that brought all of them to China. Ranma cracks his knuckles ominously. Happosai hugs a fuming Shampoo's leg. In unison, the entire group punts Happosai away...

[End credits]

While the end credits run, we see Ranma, Akane and everyone go back to Japan by using the blimp boat. Kirin, Reichi and his warriors wave to Ranma and his group while most of Ranma's group waves back. (Note who doesn't wave back...)

[Epilogue]

Kirin and Reichi have gotten married, and have sent over a large jug of pickled vegetables. The whole group is in the Tendo doujou snacking on them. The panda and Soun are playing go. Soun asks the panda a startling question:

"Saotome-kun, while we were in China, why didn't you go to Jhusenkyo? (the cursed pools)".

At this, the panda, Ranma, Ryouga, Shampoo, and Mousse all let out a cry of despair...