Disclaimer: I don't know what made me want to write a sad story but I felt inspired while I was listening to Here With Me and I was like hmmm sounds like someone died so I wrote this. There's a bit of violence but not anything more than you can see when you watch Xena. If you can't handle death this is not the story for you. The story has subtext but it's not anything too extensive. The song Here With Me is by Dido on her album No Angel...I highly suggest you get her album! Xena and Gabrielle belong to the Ren Pics people and blah blah blah. All song lyrics are in bold letters.

I didn�t hear you leave.

She left me during the night. She had died in my arms. I should have known something bad was going to happen. There were signs all around me. But I ignored them and I paid for my mistake.

The day had started out like a normal day of the wars we sometimes ended up in the middle of. It was the same old story, a bloodthirsty warlord was after a small village and we came to help the defenseless village. We had been fighting all day and this particular warlord had been taught the art of war by Ares himself. I didn�t think anything of it though because we had fought a million warlords with bloody backgrounds before and had always come out successful. Maybe we went into it with too much confidence and that�s how it happened.

Everything changed though from normal to the absurd when the dusk broke the blazing heat of the afternoon sun. The sky, which had been crystal clear the entire day, suddenly became filled with mustard colored storm clouds. Something inside me told me to get away, but I listened to my head rather than my instincts and stayed put. I wish I had trusted them. Suddenly, a loud thunderclap burst out of nowhere through the battle cries and shattered our concentration. Everyone paused for a small moment of time and looked towards the sky with a hint of fear in their eyes, and then like nothing had happened they continued on. Rain began to pelt down on us like sheets. Hail poured from the clouds in little balls and made clanging noises on our armor. I could barely see anything through the darkness and the rain and instead of sharpening my senses to make up for the vision loss I became more frightened and froze. Everything in my body screamed for me to get out of there but I couldn�t move. I didn�t see him come up from behind me and raise his sword over me. But she did. Somehow I could see Xena as her face became filled with fear and she screamed my name in a tone that I will never ever forget. I knew something was about to happen and I tried to move once again but my feet were rooted to the ground and I was helpless to do anything but cry out in fear and watch my terrible fate. Tears poured out of my eyes, I didn�t want Xena to have to see me die. I knew she would hold herself responsible for my death. She would blame herself for ever taking me along with her. For ever allowing herself to love me. And most of all, for not being able to save me. Her guilt would eat away at her and then what would happen next? Would her rage lead her back to her old ways and let her dark side take over again? How could I let this happen to her after all we�d been through? I hope she copes well with it, I don�t know how could live on in the Elysian fields if she was going to end up in Tartarus, all because I died. They say your whole life flashes before your eyes before you die�but the only thing flashing before my eyes is how Xena and I would live without each other. I was brought back into reality when I finally saw him. He had hatred in his eyes and raised his sword without any guilt of what he was doing. It all happened in slow motion. He began to bring down his sword and I braced myself at my coming death. And then something blocked my view of him. I thought I had blacked out but then I realized that the blackness in front of my eyes was Xena. She leapt in front of me moments before it would have plunged into me. Even Xena was not fast enough to stop the sword and I heard the sickening sound of metal through leather and flesh breaking. I screamed in horror when I saw the tip of the sword sticking through Xena�s back. He tore it out and dropped it on the ground and with a flash of lightning he was gone. Xena fell to my feet and I collapsed beside her. I picked up her head and cradled her in my arms. I stroked her face and looked down at her and all I could think of was why had she done it. Why did she take the death that was meant for me? A large stain had appeared on her leather and kept spreading wider across her middle. I held my hand against it desperately trying to stop it but the bleeding just wouldn�t stop. The wound was too deep to be healed.

�I love you Gabrielle,� she said in a choked whisper.

�I love you too Xena,� I said through my heaving sobs. How could this be happening? I could feel my heart breaking. A breaking that could never be put back together again. When I looked down upon her through my misty eyes I saw a face that was so full of pain that it was torture for me to look her in the eyes but I couldn�t look away. I had done this to her. It was my fault. I should have been paying attention. I shouldn�t have froze up. My carelessness had finally brought upon the consequence that I had always regretted.

�You can make it, I know you can,� I told her. I knew she wouldn�t but I couldn�t imagine living without her, I needed to convince myself that everything would be okay, that everything would turn out for the best and we would walk off into the sunset with a fairytale ending just like we had done a thousand times before in those moments that I cherished with all my heart and soul. She just looked at me helplessly and her eyes said she wouldn�t make it, and that our perfect life together was over. Oh Gods, I didn�t want to face the world alone and as I felt her slipping further away from me I held onto her tighter, grasping her in the hopes that I would keep her life within her.

�I don�t think I can Gabrielle,� she answered, her words barely audible against the screeching rain. Her body began to spasm as she coughed up blood. I could feel her becoming weaker and weaker. She was dying, I couldn�t deny it any more.

�NO!!! You can�t give up! You�ve never given up Xena!� I yelled out hysterically. I wanted to slap her, to shake her senseless and make her go on against all the odds, but I knew it wouldn�t do any good.

Xena just looked up at me for one last soulful look into each other�s eyes. Her face was filled with so many emotions that I can�t even begin to describe it. I had never seen her like this before, she looked on fearful and in pain but through it all love shined out most of all. It was now that the past began to fly in front of my eyes. I remembered the first time I saw her looking so grand and majestic and brave as she defended my village. I knew I was meant to be with her at that very moment. I remembered her apprehension in bringing me along but she knew it was our destiny as much as I did. I remembered how she taught me how to be brave and how to have confidence in myself and to always work for the greater good. I remembered our long nights in front of the campfire huddled close together, Xena would be sharpening her sword and I would be writing our adventures in my scrolls. I remembered the first time we kissed. Xena had died but her spirit was still alive and we met on a dreamscape. I wanted to tell her a million things�like confessing my hidden love for her but she said it all with a kiss. I knew then that if she were to die again, I could never handle it.

�Goodbye Gabrielle,� she said with what was left of her strength. I wondered if she was seeing the same things I was.

�Don�t give up on me!!� I sobbed. �Don�t go�� I stopped as she closed her eyes and I felt her body go limp in my arms. I felt her spirit leave her body and all that was left inside my heart was an emptiness I had never felt before. I lifted my head up and screamed out to the heavens above.

�How could you! How dare you take her from me!� My own body spasmed with my heartbreak and I wailed for my fallen lover. I held her in my arms and my head fell upon her chest. My tears rolled down my cheeks like waterfalls and trailed off onto her icy skin. They mixed in with the rain and trailed from Xena�s body to the muddy earth below us. My shoulders heaved as I wept for her, I didn�t think I would ever stop. The pain was so overwhelming and I would rather lay here forever crying with her in my arms than to face the world alone, we had been through too much together for this to happen. I finally stopped when there were no more tears left and when I was robbed of my sorrow a new emotion raged in my body and through my veins. Hatred. Hatred for the one who killed my Xena. Hatred for the Gods for allowing this to happen. Hatred for all of those who still had their loved ones with them. I looked to the ground where the sword was still lying on the ground. I picked it up and lashed out in a blind rage. I went berserk and as if I no longer had control of my body I swung it at anything and anyone, leading a trail of dead bodies behind me. I worked my way through the clutter of soldiers to the slayer of my lover. By the time I reached him my sword was dripping with blood and with an inhuman wail I went after him. He had no time to react and I attacked him with no mercy. I plunged the blade through him again and again, I couldn�t stop, he had to pay. I screamed and cried as I stabbed him relentlessly until finally my comrades pulled me off of him. They tugged the sword out of my grip and tried to calm me down. I kicked and screamed at them until I was too weak to do anything more. My body went limp in their arms and I let them drag me away. I could barely move and when I looked around me I saw the ground littered with the result of my actions. Slain men were scattered about in a line leading to the warlord, which was the worst sight of all. He was just a bloody pulp, and totally unrecognizable. I was sickened of myself for what I had just done and then everything went black.

I wonder how am I still here.

After that my life became a blur. When I woke up I felt so empty and alone without Xena beside me. I thought maybe her death was all a bad dream. I called for Xena feeling very alarmed and hoping she would come running with concern in her eyes and ready to wrestle with whatever was bothering me. I called for her again and again but she didn�t come. She would never come again. I blacked out again at that realization. When I came to I saw the worried faces of people around me. I was given some herbal tea and then I was out again and swimming in a sea of blackness. I woke up in intervals for the next few weeks. I spent my days in grief and confusion and my nights full of nightmares of Xena�s death. Sometimes when I woke up I had delusions of her being there. There was no escaping what I was feeling whether I was awake or asleep the pain lingered on.

I was finally back in the real world after all the nightmares, delusions and tears. I was told that I had been extremely sick and in the midst of it all my parents had heard about me and were here to take me home as soon as I was well. When I looked in the mirror I didn�t even recognize my own face. My cheeks were sunken in and my skin was a pasty white. My lively eyes were now dim and red rimmed and my hair fell in tangles down my back. I turned away from my reflection horrified at how I had let myself go. Maybe Poteidia would be good for me now�but it wasn�t.

And I don�t wanna move a thing it might change my memory.

I kept Xena�s clothes in a trunk at the end of my bed. I spent hours in my room cuddling up to her leathers and taking in their smell. Her scent was as strong as ever and it was all I had left of her to latch onto. I could hear her voice and feel her presence when I smelled them. Little things would remind me of her. It made it impossible to live a normal life. All I could think of was Xena. I couldn�t cook because I had cooked for Xena. I couldn�t tell stories because they were all of our adventures together. I couldn�t even walk around in town because any woman with long black hair looked like Xena to me and I would end up making a fool of myself. Sometimes I would gaze up at the sky and it would be the exact shade of blue that Xena�s eyes were and then I would once again burst into tears.

Oh I am what I am, I�ll do what I want but I can�t hide.

I decided that I wasn�t meant for Poteidia and was soon off on my own. I even took a horse with me and I don�t enjoy riding horses all that much either. The only time I ever rode was with Xena on Argo and I would wrap my arms around her waist and rest my head on her back. I always felt safe when I was holding her. Before I left I kissed my parents and sister goodbye. I was even somewhat happy on my last day in the village. My happiness fooled everyone into thinking I was over Xena and ready to move on with my life but I wasn�t. I could never get over Xena. I was just happy because I knew what I had to do. Once I was out of site I changed from the long dress I had been wearing and into my old outfit, the one I had worn when I was with Xena. I laced up my boots and slipped on my brown Amazon skirt. I pulled on my green midriff top and grabbed my staff. I looked like myself again. During my journey I met up with the Amazons. I told Ephiny that she could be Queen permanently now because I was on a mission. She reluctantly agreed and sent me off with her best wishes and told me I was welcome to come back whenever I needed to.

And I won�t go, I won�t sleep, I can�t breathe until you�re resting here with me.

I kneeled down beside Xena�s grave with 2 roses. One was a deep red for Xena and the other was a delicate white rose for me. The red symbolized Xena�s passion and courage and the white symbolized the purity Xena always said I had. I would always be her light. I took the saddlebag off of the horse and then sent the horse out into the wilderness where he could be free again. I put Xena�s sword and chakram on her gravestone. I gave her leather one last deep inhaling and put them under her weapons. Then I put my staff beside them and looked at the picture I had created. It was perfect, the roses, the weapons, the clothes. There was only one thing missing�me. So I sat down beside Xena�s things and unrolled my last scroll. I smiled as I began to write the last piece of the puzzle in the life that Xena and I had spent together.

And I won�t leave and I cant hide�

Xena you always said we would be together forever but things haven�t quite worked out that way. You died and now I am left here in the world alone, without you. I can�t take it, I tried but it�s just too hard. I wish I could have been brave and made you proud but what�s the point with you gone? It just hurts too much. I was supposed to die, not you. You shouldn�t have taken that sword for me. And now this loneliness is eating away at me and I can�t bear to live another day without you and that�s why I have to do this. I need to be with you Xena. There�s no meaning in my life without you. I have the sword with me still. It won�t hurt me, I promise you that. It is the end to my pain�not the beginning. There is no greater pain than a life without you and as I plunge it through my heart I just want you to know this. Xena, I cannot be until you�re resting here with me.