"Welcome to Dulles International Airport. Local time is 9:17pm.
Please remain seated with your seatbelt fastened until the captain
turns off the Fasten Seatbelt sign. On behalf of the flight crew,
I would like to thank you for flying United. We know you have a
choice in air travel and we're glad you chose to fly the friendly
skies."
Mulder loaded her bags into the trunk of his car, while Scully got
in the passenger side. It was time, she thought. She needed to
talk about it. The forty minute drive to her apartment would be
the perfect opportunity.
by Jenn Perry
I'm coming, I'm coming home to you
I'm alive, I'm a mess
I can't wait to home to you
To get warm, warm and undressed
There've been changes beyond my dreams
Things I'm sinking in
* * * * * * *
Scully sighed as she listened to the flight attendant's message.
She had heard it so many times, she was sure she could give it by
memory. It had been a very long trip. There had been at least
three screaming children that had not fallen asleep until thirty
minutes before landing. Once the flight attendant's message had
begun, they woke up one by one, each adding their unique cry to
the mix.
When the attendant was done, Scully smiled to herself, as she
listened to the clicking of seat buckles, as the crowd passengers
blatently ignoring the message and hurried to gather their
belongings. Scully slowly unbuckled her seatbelt, but made no
move to get up. She was in no hurry to return to her apartment.
It was cold, empty and fully of reminders that now there were only
two Scully siblings left. She knew she could call Mulder and he
would be at her place in minutes, but she didn't want to lean on
him too heavily. She was a big girl -- she could take care of
herself. She sat in her seat lost in thought until one of the
flight attendants approached her and remindered her that she was
the last passenger left on the plane.
The flight attendant then quickly moved to the back of the
aircraft to continue her post-flight duties. Scully stood and
stretched since she had not gotten up during the entire six-hour
flight from LA. To retrieve her bag from the overhead compartment,
she had to climb onto the seat and perch percariously on the
armrest, all the while opening the bin. Somehow, she managed to
procure her small rolling suitcase without falling. Grabbing her
coat from the seat, she proceed out of the airplane and down the
jetway into the terminal.
"You always have to make an entrance, don't you?"
Scully's unfocused gaze moved slowly to the lonely form sitting in
the chairs to the left of the gate entrance. Mulder was slouched
in the hard plastic chair, letting his feet rest on the seat
across from him. He wore a lopsided smile as he got up from his
position and walked over to where she was standing, open-mouthed.
"I'm guessing you didn't expect to find me here."
"How did you know what flight I was on?"
"Your mom called. She's worried about you, you know? She wanted
to make sure you were taken care of. And before you say, you can
take care of yourself, I know that. But hey, I can't say no to
your mom. So here I am."
Scully absorbed this information silently. That was just like her
mother. She knew her mom was worried about her, but she was glad
that her mom let her leave LA to come here. She needed to come
home, to be immersed in her life, in Mulder. Somehow, her mother
knew that too.
"So, let's go get your bag. I'm assuming you did check that big
bag and didn't leave it in the hotel right?"
"Yeah. I wasn't paying attention to what baggage claim my
flight's at though."
"Well, the advantage of coming in this late on a Sunday is that
there aren't that many flights to choose from. I'm sure we can
find it without too much hassle. After all, we are Feds -- that
should be good for something, shouldn't it?"
She smiled at him. It was a small smile, but it made it all the
way to her eyes, where it really counted. He could tell that
although she would never admit it, she was glad he came. He knew
she wasn't looking forward to going back to her apartment alone.
She needed him whether she would say it aloud or not. Draping his
arm around her, they walked toward the people movers to return to
the main terminal to retrieve her large bag. Once on board,
Mulder took a good look at his Scully. She was pale with dark
rings under her eyes. She hadn't bothered with make-up this
morning, making her slight imperfections noticeable, if only to
him. He knew where to look.
Scully turned her head slightly to look at him and caught his
gaze. She knew he was sizing her up, checking to see how she was
doing. It unnerved her that he could do that, but it was slightly
comforting to know that he didn't expect anything of her. He
didn't know what she had been through, but he wasn't pushing her
for details. They would spill out as time progressed. Now it was
a waiting game. And he had all the time in the world to wait.
And when somebody knows you well
Well there's no comfort like that
And when somebody needs you
Well there's no drug like that
* * * * * * *
Mulder got in the car and could almost feel the change in the
atmosphere. Scully was staring straight ahead when he opened the
door, but as he sat down and started the engine, she turned to
him with a look that he had never seen before. This was it. She
was going to tell him what happened while she was away.
"I knew it was going to be hard, you know? We had talked about it
and I knew no matter what either of us said, I was never going to
be prepared to bury my little brother. And as right as I was
about that, I was so wrong too." She paused, but Mulder said
nothing. She was collecting her thoughts so as not to lose her
composure. She had cried enough; she wouldn't cry here.
"I met Lauren's parents for the first time on Thursday. She was
an only child. They were devastated, but somehow they managed to
host my family and comfort us through it all. It was amazing.
Since Charlie had converted to Methodism for Lauren, it was
immediately decided that Lauren's home church, St. Christopher's,
be the site of the memorial service. Except it was called a
celebration of life. I've been to my share of Catholic funerals,
but this was something I had never experienced. I laughed
through it, well until the end."
Scully's face had turned away from Mulder's and was staring out of
the windshield at the raindrops as the fell on the glass again.
Her voice had a quality to it that Mulder couldn't decipher. It
was the gravelly tone she used when she was trying to keep her
emotions in check, but added to it was something that he could
only describe as wonder. She was speaking without checking
herself, simply from her heart, something so rare and he
treasured every word.
"The priest, Rev. Ken Smith, was the one who was going to marry
Lauren and Charlie. He had been the preacher since Lauren was a
little girl. There were so many funny stories that he told about
her growing up as well as some stories of Charlie's younger years,
supplied by mom. Then he started talking about Charlie and Lauren
as a couple and how he had loved watching them together. He said
that he didn't use the phrase "meant to be" much, but in this case
it applied. Now that they were gone, he thought it was still
true, but in a way that no one had thought. They were meant to
be together in life and in death." Scully halted here, her voice
catching on the word death, but then she plunged on.
"Most of the stories he told, I had never heard before, which made
me realize how self-absorbed I had become. Mom, Bill and Tara
smiled and nodded, apparently with similar memories of those
stories, where I had none. I kept asking myself why it was that
I could only really hear him when he was no longer here. I tuned
out for a moment, reflecting on that thought, until the priest
said something that I never could have expected. He said that in
all his meetings with Charlie and Lauren about the specifics of
their wedding, the one thing that Charlie was looking forward to
most was having his sister there to see him." Choking out these
words, Scully stopped her monologue as the tears began to fall
slowly down her cheeks. It was out now. It was confirmed. She
had said it outloud, which when the sound reached her ears, tore
her heart to bits. Hearing herself say it was almost worst than
the first time she had heard it.
Her hands covered her face to muffle the sobs that wracked her
body. She knew Mulder could hear her crying, but she couldn't
look at him. Mulder watched her struggle for control and placed
his hand on her thigh. He didn't speak; he just let her cry.
After a few minutes, she dropped her hands from her face, but
stared out the window, avoiding any looks he might have been
giving her. He took her hand and held it. She gasped slightly
at the contact, but continued to stare out the window. Once she
had slowed her breathing to a normal pace, she used her free hand
to wipe the remnents of her tears away.
They rode in silence for the next few minutes, their hands still
joined on Scully's lap. Mulder broke the silence first.
"Scully, you know it wasn't your fault. You had no way of knowing
that this was going to happen. You were going to be there for him
on his wedding day, just like he wanted."
"But, you see, that's just it. Even though I was going along with
all the preparations, I was going to fake an excuse to get out of
it. I didn't want to be surrounded by all the wedded bliss.
Hopefully we would have been on a case so it wouldn't have been a
complete lie. That way Charlie wouldn't hate me so much. He
would understand if it was work-related." Scully's voice was
full of self-contempt and had a twinge of bitter mocking to it.
"Oh Scully." Mulder breathed in disbelief. What a burden she was
carrying. Mulder couldn't think of anything to respond to that.
He was speechless. He wanted to hold her, but driving made that
an impossibility. He squeezed her hand, trying to force as much
of his strength into her as he could through their joined hands.
"I was so full of guilt and grief that I could barely walk out of
the sanctuary. I sat in the tiny chapel in the back of the church
while the rest of the family made a receiving line to greet
everyone who came. I sat there for a long time, not knowing what
to do with myself. I wanted to talk to Charlie, to tell him how
sorry I was, how much I loved him.
"The door opened and I figured it was mom coming to get me to join
the receiving line. But it wasn't. It was Lauren's mom, Barbara.
She sat next to me without saying a word. Something about her
made me want to tell her what was wrong. I just started talking.
She sat there and listened to me and my horrible tale of guilt.
Then she hugged me. She told me that she had heard a lot about
me from Charlie, and that she knew that he knew I loved him. He
was in a better place now and he would watch over me just like I
had done for him for all those years. If I wanted to talk to him,
all I had to do was pray and he would speak to me.
"That astounded me. She had such faith even though she had just
walked out of her daughter's funeral. She told me that Charlie
would be closer to me than he ever had before because now he
lived in my heart. She hugged me again and then left the chapel
to allow me to reflect in private. Then I did something I hadn't
done in a very long time. I prayed. I don't know whether he
heard me or not, but I poured my soul out to Charlie in that dark,
small chapel. When I finished, I felt calm and at peace. I can't
describe it, but that's when I knew that Barbara was right. I'll
never lose Charlie--he's in my heart."
Mulder listened in awe to Scully's naked confession. This was not
the same woman who had left him three days ago. She was
comfortable with him and had just spoken her soul's contents to
him as if it was tomorrow's weather forcast. He wasn't sure how
to respond to this change and what other things might have
changed during her journey of grief and reflection. Scully could
feel Mulder's hesitance and bewilderment. She squeezed Mulder's
hand as they pulled up in front of her building. "It's good to
be home."
They walked up the stairs and to her apartment in silence. After
fumbling with her keys, she unlocked the door and Mulder followed
her in. He dropped her bag near the door, unsure of what to do
next. Scully could sense his indecision. She walked over to
where he stood and held his hand. "Thank you for coming to pick
me up. I'm glad I have you to take care of me."
"You're welcome." His eyes asked hers a question. Hers answered
while she spoke.
"Um, could you spend the night? I really don't want to be alone."
"Anything for you."
And they slept, content in their love.
And where I'm home, curled in your arms
And I'm safe again
I'll close my eyes and sleep, sleep
To the sound of London Rain
* * * * * * *
