Today we mourn the passing of an
old friend by the name of Common Sense. Common Sense lived a long life
but died from heart failure at the brink of the millennium. No one really
knows how old he was since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic
red tape. He selflessly devoted his life to service in schools, hospitals,
homes, factories and offices, helping folks get jobs done without fanfare
and foolishness. For decades, petty rules, silly laws and frivolous lawsuits
held no power over Common Sense. He was credited with cultivating such
valued lessons as to know when to come in out of the rain, the early bird
gets the worm, and life isn't always fair. Common Sense lived by simple,
sound financial policies (don't spend more than you earn), reliable parenting
strategies (the adults are in charge, not the kids), and it's okay to come
in second. A veteran of the Industrial Revolution, the Great Depression,
and the Technological Revolution, Common Sense survived cultural and educational
trends including feminism, body piercing, whole language and "new math."
But his health declined when he became infected with the "If-it-only-helps-one
person-it's-worth-it" virus. In recent decades his waning strength proved
no match for the ravages of overbearing federal regulation. He watched
in pain as good people became ruled by self-seeking lawyers and enlightened
auditors. His health rapidly deteriorated when schools endlessly implemented
zero tolerance policies, reports of six-year-old boys charged with sexual
harassment for kissing a classmate, a teen suspended for taking a swig
of mouthwash after lunch, and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly
student. It declined even further when schools had to get parental consent
to administer aspirin to a student but cannot inform the parent when the
female student is pregnant or wants an abortion.
Finally, Common Sense lost his will
to live as the Ten Commandments became contraband, churches became businesses,
criminals received better treatment than victims, and federal judges stuck
their noses in everything from Boy Scouts to professional sports.
As the end neared, Common Sense
drifted in and out of logic but was kept informed of developments, regarding
questionable regulations for asbestos, low flow toilets, "smart" guns,
the nurturing of Prohibition Laws and mandatory air bags.
Finally when told that the homeowner's
association restricted exterior furniture only to that which enhanced property
values, he breathed his last.
Common Sense was preceded in death
by: his parents, Truth and Trust; his wife, Discretion;his daughter, Responsibility;
and his son, Reason. He is survived by: three stepbrothers, Rights, Tolerance
and Whiner. Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was
gone.