I was still only half-awake that morning as I slowly trudged down the stairs towards the kitchen downstairs. I had come in way past midnight the night before and I was paying for it as my body tried to rebel against me. I was still concentrating on where to put my feet when the mail slot in the front door creaked open and a pile of letters fell through to the floor. I blinked, then suddenly wide-awake I dashed headlong down the staircase, almost killing myself as I misplaced a foot on a step, and dove down on the pile of envelopes.

I quickly searched through the pile, scanning the writing at the back of the envelopes and tossing them aside. Then I found it. Shaking with equal parts excitement and dread, I tore off the top and opened it. The little form-like paper I've been waiting on for four months was folded breathwise inside. Carefully I took it out and opened it.

I let out a yell and punched a fist into the air. "Yesss...! Yessss...!"

My mother and my younger brother and sister came running out of the kitchen in alarm, both halting in confusion when they saw me kneeling on the floor and laughing like a maniac. I looked up and saw them. Then I jumped up and thrust the paper at them. Then my mother screamed.

I got fussed over the whole day. Mom made chicken kebabs, my favourite, for lunch. Gran called to say how proud she was. Mom didn't even bother me to clean up my room. All in all, I was a King for that day. It was enough to make my brother sick.

Evening set in and my father finally came back home from work when the sun was just beginning to set. I suddenly felt just like I did just before I opened the envelope that morning. I handed him the paper just as soon as he sat in his favourite armchair in front of the television, nervous as he took it and set his glasses lower down his nose before he examined it.

He looked up at me once, then he continued studying my GCSE result slip. He looked up at me again. Six As, two Bs.

Then he smiled. "I'm pleased. I approve", his eyes said, and the breath I had not realized I was holding escaped me in a whoosh.

"Well done, Kevin. Very well done." he said, followed by a warm handshake. Then he leaned back into his armchair and continued watching the news.

That was it. No shouting. No jumping. Not much showing of emotion. But that day, seventeen years ago, I felt like a King.

Don't get me wrong. My mother's approval means a lot to me. But my father's approval is...something else.

My father has always been a quiet man, always in control and extremely hard to read. He fitted the stereotype of the "strong, silent type" perfectly. It could have been molded after him. I think it's not that he never learned how to express his feelings, I think it's more that he was naturally like that.

For most of my childhood he was the sole breadwinner of the family so he was mostly a distant authority figure until my adolescent years. He was the man who came home to punish us when we were naughty while he was gone. But he was the same one who came to read me bedtime stories until my seventh birthday. Then he taught me to read the bedtime stories for myself. If I got a word wrong, he would click his tongue and when I got a whole paragraph right, he would give me his slow smile. "I'm pleased. I approve."

It has been this way throughout our lives, me and my siblings. He never hesitated to tell us when we disappointed him and neither did he hesitate to tell us he was pleased. Always with that smile; "I'm pleased. I approve." He had high expectations of us, too high, I sometimes think. But in his quiet way, he made us know he had every confidence in us. And we each did our best not to disappoint him. Even now. Even now that all of us are grown I, and I'm sure my brother and sister too, have never tired of seeing that smile; "I'm pleased. I approve."

I remember the weekend he came to see my brother play in the local youth centre's football (Editor's note:- Soccer to Americans) tournament. Now, my brother was a prodigy at football, but I think he played one of the most beautiful games in his entire life that day. It was a rare day that my father forwent providing for the family and came to watch his children play. His team didn't win the tournament. But my father's smile was much like a trophy to him. "I'm pleased. I approve."

When I graduated from University, when I got my first job, when I got my first promotion, when I first introduced the woman I was to marry to my family, that smile was one of the things I looked for to show me I was doing well. It was one of my rewards. It was one of the things that made it all worthwhile. "I'm pleased. I approve."

To me the most beautiful scene in "Braveheart" was the part where Campbell (James Cosmo) lay dying and his son Hamish (Brendan Gleeson) is kneeling over him, and he says "I've lived long enough to live free; proud to see you become the man you are. I'm a happy man." A father's approval is a powerful thing.

I have two children of my own now. A girl and boy. Like my father I don't hesitate to punish them when they do wrong. But I make sure they know when I'm proud of them. Like when my daughter showed me the dragon she drew in school, when she gave me the crown of flowers she spent the whole day making for me. Like when my son shows me the truck he built with his Lego blocks or that he knows the letters of the alphabet. I smile."I'm pleased. I approve."

RICHARD SULLIVAN

Dear MACHO International,

I recently discovered that my fifteen year old daughter has been having sex with her boyfriend, who is just about to turn seventeen. His mother called me to tell me after she caught them in her house.

I'm concerned with her safety, what with the preponderance of STDs today. I've also met her boyfriend before and he seemed like a fine young man. Now I wonder if I encouraged them. How do I tell her that she should put off sex, if not until she gets married, until she's older and more responsible?

A father in Seattle.

Call your daughter and get her to listen to you. Do not go on the offensive, at fifteen she's at a very rebellious age. Also remember that unless he forced her, the boy is not at fault so do not attack him in front or behind her. If she cares for him she'll feel compelled to defend him and you may end up in a fight.

First order of business is to tell her to get tested to make sure she's safe. Then proceed to tell her why she should NOT be having sex at that age. Tell her the consequences if she is not prepared for the responsibilities that that particular liberty carries with it. Be calm, cool, but firm. Try to get her to see things your way, while taking hers, no matter how silly or immature, into consideration. She might argue with you but if you show her that you are treating her like the young adult she is, capable of reason, then she'll act like an adult and make a responsible decision.

Hope this helps. Good Luck. ___________________________________________________________________________________________________

Dear MInternational,

My girlfriend just recently got admitted to the hospital to have a minor operation. I've been left in charge of our eight year old son. This is the first time I've ever been alone with him. I just realised that I've missed really seeing him grow up. My girlfriend only works part-time and I regularly worked overtime these past years to support us.

I want us to have fun and take this opportunity to grow closer to him while we're both alone together. How do I go about it?

Richard Hall

A boy needs a readily available male role model. A father is the absolute best. It is good that you've made the decision now to bond with him. Some fathers realise this too late.

I would suggest you find out what he's interested in, i.e. Video Games, Cars, Action Figures, Cartoons, etc. and make time to enjoy them together. Boys are into physical play to a great extent. "Catch", wrestling and "Chase" games are perfect to make him feel strong and teach him about fairplay.

Teach him about things that interest you, especially things that are challenging. It sharpens his mind and satisfies his need to triumph over adversity. Boys are usually very curious at this age. Don't laugh at his questions. Answer them as best you can.

Do not slack off on discipline though. Give him high but reasonable standards. Let him know why you're punishing him each time he does wrong. He'll learn to respect you. And boys would do anything to earn the respect of someone they respect and trust.

Remember; this doesn't stop when your girlfriend comes out of hospital. This is a lifetime project. Good luck. __________________________________________________________________________________________________

Dear MACHO,

My son was born with a deformed left leg and has been on crutches his whole life. This constantly frustrates him because he can't play with boys his age when they play sports like football and basket ball. He's 10 and is a very competitive boy. How do I help him?

Mary

By showing him other alternative ways of focussing his competitiveness. Introduce him to other physical activities that make his little disadvantage irrelevant, such as swimming. Include also non-physical activities, such as Chess and Art that would raise his self-esteem and show him that his disability is not a really major factor in his life.

Also, try to introduce him to other high achieving disabled children. This would show him he's not alone, or even that much different from any other child. And help him set high, yet achievable goals that would show him he's really just as good, just as strong, as anybody else.