A month ago my wife and I celebrated our second wedding anniversary.

Our friends threw us a party in one of the swankiest restaurants in town. Throughout the party we had to endure suggestive innuendo, nudges and winks about the "private party" we're undoubtedly going to have to celebrate the occasion. Maybe "endure" is the wrong word. Perhaps we even encouraged it with the looks we were exchanging across the table.

Anyway, one of my wife's friends, herself married for about five years brings up the topic of kinky lingerie...crotchless panties, peek-a-boo bras, leather garterbelts, etc . My wife blushed a bright red right there and then and of course, everyone noticed.

After what probably seemed to her an eternity of teasing and demands to know what type of kinky underwear she was wearing, which she didn't answer because as she said, she wanted to keep it a surprise for me (which of course led to more innuendo, nudges and winks), the subject turned to women's underwear as sex toys.

It turned into a full blown out debate; guys on one side; girls on the other. The girls were basically saying why buy something that is impractical, most of the time uncomfortable and which you're probably going to be taking off or is going to be ripped off you in no time at all, anyway? And why are guys fixated with what was essentially clothing covering the "real thing", anyway? We were a bit of a liberal lot so the girls were just taking that position for the sake of argument. And of course we, the guys, had a lot of good reasons why women should buy and wear kinky underwear.

Now I love lingerie. Ever since I caught a glimpse of a girl classmate's training bra down her blouse when I was thirteen I've been fascinated by women's underwear. I wasn't that much into the totally nude pictorials in Playboy back when I was really into collecting them (Playboys). Amazing how much difference a little strap of lace made. It's not like I need a woman to wear a fishnet bra or something but I just happen to find it much more exciting when she does.

Am I a pervert? Maybe, but I doubt it. I'm just an ordinary black heterosexual male, a five star hotel manager in a major city. Hell, I'm not even that unique.

I've had five girlfriends in the past seven years, the last one being my wife. And all of them came to realize they could turn me on more enterring the room wearing only panties rather than totally nude. Most of the time anyway. A lot of other guys, my friends at least, say the same thing.

I think it has some historical basis. Less than five decades ago, the female body was something to be hidden; to protect women (or maybe the men?) from male lasciviousness. It continues in Islamic countries even now. It definitely adds a sense of mystery to a woman's body. So exposed female flesh (which has its own natural allure) with only little strips of clothing covering the more mysterious areas (in some strange way paying homage to modesty, mystery and male lasciviousness) is bound to be exciting to say the least.

Next, lingerie, using either colour or design highlights the mysterious parts as well as accentuating the female form, drawing the eye and focussing all attention where it "belongs". A peek-a-boo bra takes that even further. And with men being more visually oriented than women, a woman can have a man eating out of her hand with no trouble at all.

For me personally, the sight, the feel, the smell of the material and the knowledge of what it conceals makes me feel as if I'm unwrapping a present as they come off. Anticipation does a lot for your libido. And again my wife tells me it makes her feel sexy because of the look I give her when she walks into the room in something lacy and not-all-there.

But mostly I think it is a turn-on because a woman who comes to you wearing a teddiette she definitely would not wear for anything else and an inviting smile indicates some sort of effort to make herself look desirable for you. It's not very feminist but it does show that she cares enough for you to take her appearance to you seriously. It also makes it not only fair but an obligation that you take care of yourself so that you remain desirable to her.

KYLE ANDRE JACKSON

By the way, my wife surprised me in a virgin white open-bust babydoll, long lace top stockings, a wedding veil and a bouquet of roses. And we had a very private renewal of our wedding vows... __________________________________________________________________________________________________

Dear MACHO,

My wife recently bought a vibrator. I asked her whether I wasn't satisfying her and she said that she's just testing what it feels like as most of her friends have one.

I'm not really comfortable with the idea, and I don't want to push it and upset her. How do I deal with this?

From Australia.

Treat the vibrator as just another sex toy, nothing more than something to enhance your sex life. It can NEVER replace you. Suggest she allows you watch her masturbate with it for you so that you would know where to touch, when to touch and how long to touch her, when you two get it on.

In fact, many men find using a vibrator on their lovers to be just as intense a pleasure for them as it is for her. Some old men even find themselves raring to go again in minutes after watching their women succumb to an orgasm alone or with their help. Also, many women report finding it unbearably erotic being pleasured by their lovers with an alien object. If your wife is open to experimentation, then you are one hell of a lucky man.

Good luck. ___________________________________________________________________________________________________

Dear MACHO,

One of the women I have long given up hope on hooking up with just told me that she wants to try going out with me. We've been "just friends" for four years. She just recently broke up a long relationship and she said she wants to try "going out with a friend who understands me (her)."

I'm a bit insulted at how casually she thinks she can change the nature of our relationship, but I'm excited about it, even though it's going to be a bit wierd. What do I do?

R.F.

I personally think that you should be more insulted at her presumptiousness. She most likely just using you to get over her break-up. After all, why is she suddenly thinking you're attractive enough to go out with after being "just friends"?

Anyway, you should do what you feel you want to do. It's only normal that it feels weird after all this time. This may be "the one," but don't place too much hope on it. When you go out, I suggest you let her do/initiate all the "moves". Let her woo you.

Let's hope things turn out well. Good luck. ____________________________________________________________________________________________________

Dear MACHO International,

There's this man at work who I find extremely attractive. I want to ask him out but I'm afraid he'll be uncomfortable with a woman asking him out. And I'm not that feminine so I don't know how to use my "wiles" to make him notice me.

You're a man, or a men's group, (I presume), how do I make him pay attention to me? I'm not looking for a committed relationship, I just want to see whether he's as attractive inside as he is outside and see where it goes from there.

Gloria H.

Of course you know how to use your "feminine wiles." You just don't use it the usual way.

There's nothing wrong with you asking him out. In fact, the vast majority of us actually like it. Nothing venture, nothing gain. Men know this, that's why we take the greatest risks in asking women out. First of all though, don't come in from the cold, try getting to know him, chat him up and see whether you really would like to go out with him. And if you do, take the plunge.

So what if he says no? It's his loss, not yours. If he says yes, you go out and you find the most innovative way to show him how you feel. It's not as instinctive and far more intellectual than most have been led to believe. Now that, whatever it turns out to be, is using your "feminine wiles."