• Recent studies have correlated birth weight to IQ later in life. Basically, the heavier the baby, the smarter. (Boy! Bet I was fatter than all of you!)

    -Zweckington "Guy Incognito" Canterhourne

  • In French, Papa Smurf's name is, "Le Grand Schtroumpf."

    -Zweckington "Trains, Planes, and Automobiles" Canterhourne

  • An actual day is 23 hours, 59 minutes, 56 seconds. This is why we have a leap year. Over four years, this time adds up to form a day.

    -Zweckington "Rejoice in the Destruction of the Self" Canterhourne

  • "Ah, but is life a dream, or are you just part of someone else's dream?" -Lewis Carroll

  • Think about this: How can you be sure anyone but you exists? Really, the only evidence you have is sensory, and that is all to easily faked. Your entire life and everyone you know, up to this point, could just be fevered imaginings of your brain, an elaborate dream, or a complicated and bizarre social experiment. Think about it.

    "No, that's just paranoia- everyone in the Universe has that."- Douglas Adams

    -Zweckington "You got a license for that pun?" Canterhourne

  • Outside the Flat Top Grill in Chicago, you can pay $2.50 for a valet to take your bikes, skateboards, rollerblades, and equipment and ride it to a nearby storage pen. No shoes? No problem, they also lend you a pair of slippers until your return.

    On another note, I'd just like to say that high school isn't that bad. In the sense that a nuclear holocaust isn't that bad.

    -Zweckington "Life gets worse and worse and worse and then you die" Canterhourne

  • Statistically speaking, you have no chance whatsoever of ever being the best at anything. Look at it this way- take the number of all useful skills, then divide by the number of other people on Earth. See? I'm not sure how many skills there are, but with almost 6 billion (and growing) competitors, many of whom are just as smart if not smarter than you, you have laughable chances of even getting in the top ten percent.

    The conclusion? Either you realize others will always be better than you, decide it isn't worth the effort, and commit suicide, or you hunt down and destroy all more skilled than you. Guess which one I'm gonna go with.

    -Zweckington "La Cosa Nostra" Canterhourne

  • Wanna know the problem with the Bible? Basically, it's that its message is as follows:

    Before you kill somebody, make ABSOLUTELY SURE they aren't well connected.

    You see, the problem is that Christ, who doesn't look like much, was actually Son of the Most Powerful Being in the Universe. Readers understood that, so when they came to the part about the crucifixion, they naturally thought:

    Oh, boy- they sure picked the wrong guy to lynch THAT time!

    And that thought had a brother:

    There are RIGHT PEOPLE to lynch.

    Who? People not well connected. So it goes. -- Kurt Vonnegut

    Zweckington "So here we are, trapped in the amber of this moment- there is noWHY" Canterhourne

  • The longest name in the world is well over 1,000 characters long.

    -Zweckington "Nom de plume" Canterhourne

  • Once a senator became angry when his colleague continually passed bills without giving them a second thought, so he proposed one that gave a commendation to Albert Di Salvo (The Boston Strangler) for grand population control and needless to say it passed unanimously.

    --It's a fact

  • The federal government once tried to convert to the metric system. In some places, they put up metric road signs, and people actually shot the signs down.

    -Zweckington "Sex is the game, marriage the penalty" Canterhourne

  • Dogs cannot see the images on a TV screen.

    -Zweckington "Okay, MAYBE I shot the sheriff, but the deputy, I swear that was some other guy!" Canterhourne

  • A quarter of all American adults and a third of children are obese.

    -Zweckington "Inspiration can be found in the oddest of places" Canterhourne

  • "Are you ready for my wisdom?"

    Just for you, a Tidbits triple-header. Bon appetit!

    Love is nothing more than a biochemical reaction in your brain designed to insure that the human race, as a whole, will reproduce and survive. Thusly, all poems, songs, stories, and other such efforts that laud love are really thesis' on a behavioral pattern peculiar the species homo sapiens. Kind of a letdown, huh?

    On average, women live 5 years longer than men. I suppose this is because men are faced with much more stress, since we run the world because to our heightened brain cell count.

    A palindrome is a line, phrase, poem, etc. that reads the same backwards or forwards.

    Zweckington "Madam, I'm Adam" Canterhourne

  • There were actually two Caesar's, Julius Caesar and Caesar Augustus. Julius, the more famous, was never actually the Roman Emperor. He managed to bamboozle the masses into thinking he was a duly elected president.

    On a personal note, I just got back from "Speed 2". What can I say? My eyes hurt. I believe I'm hemorrhaging internally. I missed the Simpsons. Excuse me... I have to... be alone...

    -Zweckington "Evil is intelligence in the service of entropy" Canterhourne

  • In proportion to the size of an animal's brain to body, ants have the largest brain of any species of animals. SPOON!!

  • Quote of the day: "Never doubt that a small group of dedicated citizen's can change the world; in fact it's the only thing that ever has."

    -Margaret Mead On another note, the ToW will once again be temporarily be changing hands. Andrew will bear the sacred title. So look for it! Same Tidbit time, same Tidbit place!

    -Zweckington "Hava Nagila, Baby" Canterhourne

  • For his part in "Copland", Sylvester Stallone put on 40 lbs. Whenever he was near, Robert De Niro (an old friend of mine), Ray Liotta (I remember our fishing excursion off Bimini...), and Harvey Keitel (I once bailed him outta the slammer) would greet him with, "Hey, fat man walking!"

    -Zweckington "Ed McMahon Walking" Canterhourne

  • Utopia, translated literally, means "nowhere".

    Hey, if, in the jungle, the mighty jungle, the lion sleeps tonight, why are they trying so hard to wake it up?

    Chorus (my interpretation): "Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeey, hey lion, come eat me!"

    -Zweckington "Where one falls, many stumble" Canterhourne

  • The myth of the unicorn is probably related to the rhinoceros. In ancient times, sailors who had visited Africa brought back stories of a cloven-hoofed creature with a spike on its' nose. Because the feet were described like a horses, people invented the image of the unicorn.

    Of course, the competing school of thought, the Far Side Theory, states that the unicorns were eaten by lions on Noah's Ark. Who am I to judge what is true?

    -Zweckington "One, two! One, two, and through and through! The vorpal blade went snicker-snack! He left it dead, and with it's head, he went gallumphing back!" Canterhourne

  • Cigarette companies are now admitting that their product is FOUR TIMES as harmful as previously estimated. That's pretty bad, considering before they only killed you...

    -Zweckington "Making the best of every virtuous vice" Canterhourne

  • By 2001, the average American will be spending 39 times more time on the computer than in 1990.

    -Zweckington "Who Da Man?" Canterhourne

  • Due to erroneous calculations made in the past, we may have already passed the Millennium. New estimates put Christ's birth at about 4 BC. Therefore, the millennium occurred months ago.

    -Zweckington "Caveat Emptor" Canterhourne

  • Ever noticed that the same TV networks who strive tirelessly to convince us that a half-hour program won't teach young audiences that violence is OK then turn around and expect a 30-second commercial to directly affect the buying habits of the entire nation?

    Of course, most of the commercials nowadays are way better than the shows...

    -Zweckington "Orthodoxy is Unconsciousness" Canterhourne

  • The Eisenhower interstate system requires that one mile in every five must be straight. These straight sections are usable as airstrips in times of war or other emergencies.

    That Eisenhower, what a card! Anyway, I've recently come by a list of factoids that'll keep me in Tidbits for a LONG time. So, you might as well laugh now, 'cause I ain't gettin' any funnier.

    -Zweckington "Punny Bones" Canterhourne

  • The Boston University Bridge (on Commonwealth Avenue, Boston, Massachusetts) is the only place in the world where a boat can sail under a train driving under a car driving under an airplane.

    -Zweckington "Why does Radio Shack ask for your address when you buy batteries?" Canterhourne

  • Emus cannot walk backwards.

    Shocked? I was. Speaking of walking backwards, you ever seen those old cartoons where one could travel back in time by running backwards? Neither have I.

    -Zweckington "Give me the will to resist temptation... but not yet" Canterhourne

  • There are only thirteen blimps in the world. Nine of the thirteen blimps are in the United States.

    Insert your own Roseanne Arnold joke here.

    -Zweckington "Proud member of the Federal Nickname Exchange Program" Canterhourne

  • Cats have more than one hundred vocal sounds, while dogs only have about ten.

    That probably explains why those "Dogs Bark Christmas Classics" tapes are so unpopular, while everyone loves that cat food commercial with the singing feline.

    -Zweckington "Meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow" Canterhourne

  • Our eyes are always the same size from birth, but our noses and ears never stop growing.

    What's more to say? Well, this:

    The United States government keeps its supply of silver at the U.S. Military Academy at West Point, NY.

    There. Two for the price of one. Hope you're happy. I know I am.

    -Zweckington "I laughed, I cried- A manic depressive" Canterhourne

  • Most Americans' car horns beep in the key of "F."

    Mine does "La Bamba."

    -Zweckington "Alex. band plays music, not football!" Canterhourne

  • Harrison Ford has been in 7 of the Top 30 highest-grossing films ever.

    -Zweckington "Raging Inferiority Complex" Canterhourne

  • Camel's milk does not curdle.

    "Mr. Mojo Risin" is an anagram for Jim Morrison.

    Jeez, 10-to-1 shot you guys don't even know who that is. Jim Morrison, The Doors, "Got My Mojo Workin'"? Sometimes I wonder why I try.

    Zweckington "William Gates=I Swig Malt Ale" Canterhourne

  • The word "modem" is a contraction of the words "modulate, demodulate." (MOdulateDEModulate)

    I actually thought most of you would know this, but I asked around and was surprised to figure out I was the only one. Just goes to show, I suppose: I am the greatest being on the face of the planet. That's how I interpret it, at least.

    Oh, and please don't send me a bunch of "I knew that" replies. That kind of oneupsmanship would shatter my sensitive bubble of self-esteem, and I would be forced to go live in a deep, dark, solitary hole. K?

    -Zweckington "Deep Dark Solitary Hole would be a great name for a band" Canterhourne

  • Many hamsters only blink one eye at a time.

    Hehe, only the news that's fit to print.

    -Zweckington "Thank you I love you bye-bye!" Canterhourne

  • In every episode of Seinfeld there is a Superman somewhere.

    Personally verified by yours truly.

    -Zweckington "The Soup-Nazi" Olszewski

  • The name Jeep came from the abbreviation used in the army for the "General Purpose" vehicle, G.P.

    Sorry, I'll try to do better next time.

    -Zweckington "Blue canary in the outlet by the light switch" Canterhourne

  • Murphy's Oil Soap is the chemical most commonly used to clean elephants.

    I personally find it makes an excellent vinaigrette, especially with fresh romano and cabbage... mmm-mmm.

    -Zweckington "The Flansman" Canterhourne

  • Quote of the day: "When all is said and done, more is said than done."

    -Zweckington "Insert Nickname Here" Canterhourne

  • Since 1896, the beginning of the modern Olympics, only Greece and Australia have participated in every Games.

    -Zweckington "The Dungeon Master" Canterhourne

  • Barbie's measurements if she were life size: 39-23-33.

    Don't ask how I know this. Really.

    -Zweckington "Tabloid footprints in your hair" Canterhourne

  • February 1865 is the only month in recorded history not to have a full moon.

    Actually, the records only go back to 1972, when the Hall of Records was mysteriously ransacked by werewolves...

    -Zweckington "Mr. Horrible0.

  • It takes a lobster approximately seven years to grow to be one pound.

    Speaking of gigantic insects, apparently the school auditorium is infested with large, hairy, mutant cockroaches. These are the kind that you don't exterminate, you dope them up to the point that they let you in the building. 'Course, Henry was in the auditorium at the time, so maybe I shouldn't jump to conclusions.

    -Zweckington "On a road movie to Berlin" Canterhourne

  • Montpelier, Vermont is the only U.S. state capital without a McDonald's.

    Don't even try to comprehend this. How this insignificant speck of a town could escape the vision of the Great Eye of Ronald is beyond even me.

    -Zweckington "What kinda' name is 'Grimace'?" Canterhourne

  • Giraffes have no vocal cords.

    Talk about "water, water everywhere, and not a drop to drink", eh?

    Wow. I can actually here that reference go whizzing straight over your heads.

    -Zweckington "Big Chief Running Gag" Canterhourne

  • The Pentagon, in Arlington, Virginia, has twice as many bathrooms as are necessary. When it was built in the 1940s, the state of Virginia still had segregation laws requiring separate toilet facilities for blacks and whites.

    -Zweckington "At least Compaq thinks I'm important" Canterhourne

  • No word in the English language rhymes with month.

    Just try it. Come on. I DARE you. What are ya, CHICKEN? Buk-buk-bukkak!

    -Zweckington "Ummm... blunth?" Canterhourne

  • The cruise liner, Queen Elizabeth II, moves only six inches for each gallon of diesel that it burns.

    Still, it beats the average schoolbus...

    -Zweckington "QEII" Canterhourne

  • There are two credit cards for every person in the United States.

    The rest of you guys must have three, because I don't have ANY. So you're holding out on me, eh? Thought you were SO smart, huh? WELL, YOU'RE NOT, OK?

    -Zweckington "Eyes In The Back Of My Head" Canterhourne

  • Isaac Asimov is the only author to have a book in every Dewey-decimal category.

    So? I've read a book from every Dewey-decimal category. Sometimes even two or three!

    -Zweckington "An Earth Odyssey" Canterhourne

  • Roger Ebert is the only film critic to have ever won the Pulitzer prize.

    What a job... free popcorn... first-show viewings... and all the criticism you can dish out!

    -Zweckington "Homey 'Z" Canterhourne

  • Columbia University is the second largest landowner in New York City, after the Catholic Church.

    Both are pawns of the Illuminati, of course.

    -Zweckington "HORUS" Canterhourne

  • Cat's urine glows under a blacklight.

    Don't ask how I know. Please.

    -Zweckington "Garfield" Canterhourne

  • An iguana can stay under water for 28 minutes.

    I tried that with my cat once, and... well, let's just stay that we're still in court over that.

    (NOTE TO READERS: Here's a handy guide for you- if anything presented in this column gives you the urge to file a major civil and/or criminal suit against me, I was only kidding.)

    -Zweckington "Three animals were harmed in the production of this article" Canterhourne

  • Back in the mid to late 80s, an IBM-compatible computer wasn't considered 100% compatible unless it could run Microsoft's Flight Simulator.

    Now it doesn't matter, because they're all Microsoft. Bill Gates has everyone from Mike Dell to Willie Nelson in his back pocket. Don't believe me? The alternative media, man! THAT'S where it's at!

    -Zweckington "Zwecky-Dooby Doo!" Canterhourne

  • The first Ford cars had Dodge engines.

    Shocked as I was? (Actually, I thought Dodge and Ford were the same thing... they make cars, right?)

    -Zweckington "A Patrick Swayze Christmas" Canterhourne

  • Leonardo Da Vinci invented the scissors.

    I could have done it, but I didn't want to. Yeah, yeah, that's the ticket!

    -Zweckington "Balthasar" Canterhourne

  • It takes about a half a gallon of water to cook macaroni, and about a gallon to clean the pot.

    Wash the pot? You're supposed to wash the pot?

    -Zweckington "Zwecky Crocker" Canterhourne

  • In the last 4000 years, no new animals have been domesticated.

    Not counting Andrew... he's not really domesticated.

    -Zweckington "Omni" Canterhourne

  • Babies are born without knee caps. They don't appear until the child reaches 2-6 years of age.

    Then what, might I ask, do mobsters break when the babies can't pay their gambling money?

    -Zweckington "The Godbaby" Canterhourne

  • The main problem with cloning mammals is that the DNA patterns in a mammal's cell usually force the cell to grow to be whatever the cell was taken from. Therefore, the best you could do would be to grow an ear, foot, placenta, or other equally disgusting part. The trick lies in getting the cell to grow all the parts at once, in hopes they will be assembled into a functioning being.

    Zwecky "War is Peace" Canterhourne

  • The most popular boat name in the U.S.A. is Serenity.

    -Zweckington "Zweckington Canterhourne" Canterhourne

  • The highest point in Pennsylvania is lower than the lowest point in Colorado.

    Just more proof that Pennsylvania is a backward stink-town! It is a town, right?

    -Zweckington "The Sylvan" Canterhourne

  • Nutmeg is extremely poisonous if injected intravenously.

    But really now, what isn't?

    -Zweckington "Da Godfodda" Canterhourne

  • 52% of the people in India earn less than $1 a day.

    Zweckington "Deus Ex Machina" Canterhourne

  • The most common name in the world is Mohammed.

    Least common: Joey Joe Joe Junior Shabadoo.

    -Zweckington "Mario Van Peebles" Canterhourne

  • Michael Jordan makes more money from Nike annually than all of the Nike factory workers in Malaysia combined.

    -Zweckington "Holy Saint Francis!" Canterhourne

  • No NFL team that plays its home games in a domed stadium has ever won a Superbowl.

    -Zweckington "Flower Power" Canterhourne

  • The first toilet ever seen on television was on "Leave It To Beaver".

  • Nowadays, there are more than 30 per episode of "Married With Children". Ain't progress wonderful?

    -Zweckington "Ward, I think there's something wrong with the Beaver..." Canterhourne

  • In the great fire of London in 1666, half of London was burnt down but only 6 people were injured.

    Amazingly, the fire was NOT started by Mrs. O'Leary's cow...

    -Zweckington "I Do So Love It When You're Ironic, Brain" Canterhourne

  • "To be or not to be, that is the question"

    -Shakespeare

    - Well my answer to this question is i know "I be" or I am simply because "I think therefore I am" so I've proved my existence, but not yours. So logically speaking I exist and you don't, well if you can't prove that you exist then that means your all figments of my imagination doomed to be my minions for the rest of eternity.....Bwhahahaha! SPOON!!

  • A hummingbird weighs less than a penny.

    Why do hummingbirds hum? Because they don't know the words! HA! If you liked that, perhaps you'd enjoy the oldest recorded joke in history, found engraved on the walls of the pyramid of King Tutenkamen...

    1st Egyptian: Did you hear about the Sumerian?

    2nd Egyptian: What about the Sumerian?

    1st Egyptian: He was extremely stupid! Ha!

    2nd Egyptian: No, I had not heard of him. Get it? Me neither. Jokes weren't very good until the invention of the light bulb, I guess.

    -Zweckington "I tried being an optimist once, but I knew it would never work ot" Canterhourne

    PS- If you're ever on EFnet or Furcadia, look me up. I'll be Zwecky.

  • One of the reasons marijuana is illegal today is because cotton growers in the 30s lobbied against hemp farmers -- they saw it as competition.

    I think cotton gives a better buzz anyway...

    -Zweckington "Garcia" Canterhourne

  • While many of us have heard that humans only use 5% of their brains, the actual percentage is fairly higher. However, most neurologists agree that no one use their brain to it's full potential.

    -Zwecky

  • Only one person in two billion will live to be 116 or older.

    Hey, so the more people I kill, the better my chances, right? RIGHT?

    -Zweckington "The Mock Turtle" Canterhourne

  • The name Wendy was made up for the book "Peter Pan."

    The name "Zwecky" was made up as a result of an odd chemical reaction involving sugar, caffeine, and floor wax. Don't ask.

    -Zweckington "It's Richard Dreyfuss!" Canterhourne

  • In 1865, one-fifth of Mississippi's state budget went to buying prosthetic limbs for Civil War vets.

    ONE-FIFTH? That's 20%! That's two-tenths! That's... you get the picture.

    -Zweckington "Sherman" Canterhourne

  • The English alphabet (A, B, C, etc.) is actually Arabic.

    THAT'S probably why Ivanhoe was so hard to understand...

  • Today in History: Eli Whitney gets a patent for the Cotton Gin.

    No, I'm not telling you the year. That's what your history books are for. I've also found they make great coasters...

    -Zweckington "Turn Cotton Into Gin? The Man's A Genius!" Canterhourne

  • Come 2000, Bart Simpson will be 20 years old.

    Disturbing, but not half so as the fact that Archie Andrews has been around since the 1940's and IS STILL IN HIGH SCHOOL. Spooky.

    -Zweckington "Mr. Weatherbee" Canterhourne

  • A hippo can open its mouth wide enough to fit a 4 foot tall child inside!

    Don't ask. Just don't. On another note, I just downed enough L-tryptofan to stun an ox, so pardon me if my mails seem a bit incoherent. I think I may have brained my damage...

    -Zweckington "L-tryptofan? The sleeping agent in turkey? CRACK A BOOK, PEOPLE!" Canterhourne

  • Richard Dreyfuss turned 50 today.

    Please celebrate in whatever method your religion allows. For me, it involves goat blood and sacrificing a virgin...

    -Zweckington "I was in Jaws! I have an Academy Award! Well, I do!" Canterhourne

  • "A diamond cannot be polished without friction, nor a man be perfected without turmoil."

    -Confucius

    Nice and inspiring, huh? Notice it says nothing of women...

    -Zwecky

  • Einstein could not speak fluently until he was nine. His parents thought him retarded.

    See, Andrew? There's hope for you yet...

    -Zweckington "Kidding. There's no hope for Andrew." Canterhourne

  • French: Garcon, cette bebe trop cuit! English: Waiter, this baby is overcooked.

    Performed as a public service.

    -Zweckington "Oppenheimer" Canterhourne

  • Every year, 2 billion pencils are manufactured in the USA. That many pencils could circle the Earth 9 times.

    I can hear the trees screaming...

    -Zweckington "The Jabberwocky" Canterhourne

  • Ancient Egyptians slept on pillows made of stone.

    And they wore shoes on their head and said "Hello" when they were leaving!

    -Zweckington "Yo Yo Ma" Canterhourne

  • An anagram for the name "William Gates" is "WANT SPIGOTS HON?"

    Anybody want more of these, see me. I got a whole... page or so.

    -Zweckington "I WILL EAT GAMS" Canterhourne

  • More than 500,000 cosmetic surgery operations are performed annually in the U. S.

    And no, not all of them on me...

    -Zweckington "Make Me Beautiful!" Canterhourne

  • CNN pundit Larry King has had 7 wives.

    Well, Maybe 8 is his lucky number...

    -Zweckington "The Only Good Militant Is One Who's Being Used As The Subject For Inhumane Medical Experiments" Canterhourne

  • The term "to kowtow" comes from the Chinese "koutou".

    Provided as a public service announcement.

    -Zweckington "I never thought we could have so much fun and still be suitable for children! "Canterhourne

  • According to one theory, everyone on Earth is separated by six people. For example, I know someone who knows someone who knows someone who kows Queen Elizabeth. The theory is called "The Six Degrees of Separation".

    In the case of some of you, I wish it would be quite a bit more...

    -Zweckington "The Sixth Pocket" Canterhourne

  • Until 1796, there was a state in the United States called Franklin. Today it is known as Tennessee.

    Hehehe, those crazy state legislatures! Won't they ever learn?

    -Zweckington "Robert Ramius" Canterhourne

  • The Air Force was not created until after World War II. Up to that point, it was a division of the Army.

    -Zweckington "" Canterhourne

  • All beings are inherently female. A special chemical reaction during fetal development allows a male to develop.

    But of course, any fool with a master's in molecular biology knows that.

    -Zweckington "Who reads this, anyway?" Canterhourne

  • In Belgium, there exists an organization known as the Gnome Protection Squad. It's mission is to guard against the theft of plastic garden gnome lawn ornaments.

    Such heroism brings a tear to my eye...

    -Zweckington "David the Gnome" Canterhourne

  • Enough Scotch tape is made each day to circle the Earth three times. Also, a half million transistors are made a second.

    That means in the time it took me to think up this mail, almost 400 transistors would have been made!

    -Zweckington "Well, that's all nice and inspirational, but you can't eat it, now can you?" Canterhourne

  • Quotes of the day:

    "It was a bright cold day in April, and the clocks were stiking 13." "Orthodoxy is unconsciousness" "Freedom is slavery" "War is peace" "Ignorance is strength." And, my personal favorite:

    "Freedom is the freedom to say that two plus two equals four."

    -George Orwell

    The original name for the butterfly was 'flutterby'.

    Hosted by www.Geocities.ws

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