The All-New Dirty Adventures of Scooby-Doo
=========================================================
(C)opywrite 1997, by Mirage [email protected]
This work may be copied as long as the copywrite info is attached.



The Mystery of the Mystical Vibrator
------------------------------------

It was another typical fucking day: Fred was cornholing Daphne in the
back of the Mystery Machine while Shaggy sat at in the driver's seat, one
hand on the wheel, the other in his pants playing pocket-pool. Thelma sat
next to Shaggy, rubbing herself then periodically licking her fingers. 
Scooby was asleep on the floor, ignoring all of them.
 "Like, goddamn it, Thelma," Shaggy said, "you know watching you lick 
yourpoon-covered fingers gives me a gnarly fucking hard-on."
 "Just keep driving. We're almost to Reverend Joyboy's deserted 
monastery." Thelma told him with another noisy slurp.
 From the back of the van came Daphne's gurgling moans: "Oh Fred, 
your schlong is so FUCKIN groovy in my twat! MMmmmmmm!!"
 `Goddamn that Fred.' Shaggy thought, `he always keeps her to himself.'
 "I got yer fuckin mystery right here, bitch!" Fred's voice drifted up.
Just then Thelma slapped Shaggy's head. "You just past it, dipshit."
 "Bitch!" Shaggy said angrily, doing a 180 in the middle of the highway.
The turn was so abrupt that Scooby woke up. He unconsciously immitated
Thelma's gesture and also slapped Shaggy on the head.
 "Fuck you, Scoobie. You try following pump-girl's directions." Shaggy said
indicating Thelma with a lean of his head.
 "Rrrooff! Svrfuck-you! Woof!" Scooby said then went back to sleep.
`Goddamn mutt.' Shaggy thought. 
The Mystery Machine pulled into a private driveway that was actually
a gravel road leading up into the Nevada hills. After a few minutes, a large
building loomed in the distance. It was a huge stone building with turrets,
stone walls, two belfries, and, nearby, a couple of modern brick houses.
 Shaggy pulled the van into the driveway and then abruptly hit the breaks,
hoping to startle Fred so much that he wouldn't come.
 "Goddamn it, Shaggy! You caused my `tower of power' to take a dive!" 
Fred said from the back.
 "Like, sorry, but we're here." Shaggy said, laughing to himself.

The group climbed out of the van, Daphne being last as she tried in vain
to find her crotchless panties, then finally giving up.
The door to one of the brick houses opened and two men came out. They
were both dressed in authentic monk's robes. One of them was a elderly man with
white hair and a benevolent smirk on his face. The other was a short, bald
man with a black mustache and a worried look. The two ambled down the stairs
and then smiled ingraitiatingly.
 "Welcome children of god!" the older man said.
Fred answered, "Father Joyboy, we came as soon as we could," he cast a 
sidelong glance at Daphne, who blushed, "We got your letter two weeks ago.
I hope we'll be able to help you solve this mystery."
 Father Joyboy spoke: "I certainly hope so. The monastery was built in 1820
by the Spanish Conquistadores. It was in use until 1950 when the leading monk,
Brother Fuckus, commited suicide by auto-erotic asphyxiation. After that many 
of the monks claimed that they had seen his ghost strolling the halls of the 
monastery. Many left at that point. But the real problem was when another monk,
Brother Cervix, found out that the holy Vibrator of Mary had been buried in the
chapel by the spanish lord Coronado just before he died. Brother Cervix was about
to unearth it when he died of a mysterious disease that caused his immune system
to fuck up. There was a rumor that the ghost of Brother Fuckus killed him. Then
all the monks left the monastery. I stayed to take care of the buildings.
He paused. "And this is Brother Vulva, who was send to help by by noneother
than His Emmience, the Pope, in Rome."
 "I do but serve my master, Pope Masturbatus XIV." said the other man, speaking 
for the first time.
 "Gee, that's a interesting story," Fred said, but looked bored as hell. "We'll 
spend the night in the monastery and see if we can find this `ghost'."
 "Nobody has done that since 1951!" Brother Vulva exclaimed, "You better
be careful of the ghost!"
 Thelma grinned. "If that ghost tries to fuck with me, I'll Bobbit his ass!"
"This is ungodly talk, my children," Father Joyboy said. "The book of Mirage 
states that: `Only if the evil one comes three times, will she be satififed.' "
 "Don't worry, Father," Fred said, "We'll get to the bottom of this caper!"
Shaggy turned to Scooby: "Like, zoinks! I knew the fucker would say that!"

The group made their way into the haunted monastary. Weird statues, complete
with errect phalluses, grinned down at the from the walls. The place had a
aged decadence about it that was both facinating and grotesque. In the main
sanctuary, there was a huge stone cross with a stone errection jutting from
the middle of it. 
 "Nice place." Daphne said, walking to the cross and stroking it's errection
with her pale, white hand.
 "It's creepy. But I guess that what I like." Thelma said, eyeing several of
the statues which were of various saints with their faces locked in visions
of sexual rapture.
 "You're a twisted bitch," Fred said, "I guess that's why I keep you around."
 "Just as long as you remember who's your master." Thelma said.
 "Yes oh mighty `Master'." Fred said, mockingly.
 "Like, could we cut the shit and could someone tell me what the fuck we're
doing in this haunted place??" Shaggy asked.
 But Scooby stole the show by walking to the cross, sniffing the base of it,
then pissing there.
 "Hahahahaha!!!" Fred laughed, "You have a lot of respect for christ!"
 "Scoobie-fucking-doo!" Scooby crooned as they all laughed.
Just then, a gust of wind blew through the room: the candles wavered and there
was a hollow moaning that seemed to come from all around them.
 "Like, zoinks! It's the ghost!!" Shaggy said, unconsciously grabbing
his crotch. But Daphne remarked, "Sounds like someone having a bad orgasm."
 "Right!" said Fred, decisively. Daphne gave him a smouldering look, but the
other two merely rolled their eyes.
 "I've moaned more than that from rubbing up against the hood of the car." 
Thelma commented with a mild laugh.
 "Well, we've got to find out where the noise came from," Fred commented.
He turned. "Thelma, you take Shaggy and Scooby and go to the left. Me and
Daphne will go to the right."
 "Yeah, fuck that." Thelma said, "You two are always going off and fucking 
around while the rest of us are trying to solve the case."
 Fred tried to look innocent and say something but Thelma cut him off:
"*I* will go with Daphne to the left and *you* go with Shaggy and Scooby."
Fred twisted his collar, as if nervous. "Are you sure about this?"
Themla paused to pull up her orange knee-socks. "Are you questioning me?"
she asked softly.
 "No Ma'am." Fred said, trying to look chivalrous, but not succeeding.
 "Aww shit." Shaggy exclaimed.
 Daphne gave Fred another look. The look said, `I'll see you later.'
 Fred winked while Shaggy made puking noises.
 "Shut up, beanpole!" Fred told him.
 Thelma took Daphne's hand and firmly led her into the left corridor.
   After they had left, Shaggy said, "You want to find the ghost or stand
around here and jack-off?"
 Fred gave him a hard look. "Hey punk, if it wasn't for me, you'd still be
washing cars for a living. So I suggest you shut your piehole before you
cross me."
 Shaggy looked amused. "More like: I'd better not have you tell Daphne that
I'm no longer useful."
 Scooby looked back and forth at the two of them, then promptly took a shit.
 Fred held his nose. "Look, buttnugget, if you try and start some shit up
between me and Daphne, I'll plant your package in the wrong place!"
 "Oooh. I'm so fuckin' scared, macho man!" Shaggy said.
 "I'm not using Daphne for her money; I care about her!" Fred said, angrily.
 Shaggy laughed. "Who are you trying to convince? Me or yourself??"
Fred grabbed him and shoved him against the wall. "Look, fuckface: you're
messing with the wrong dude. I'll fuck you up so bad you'll think you messed
with Captain Planet, motherfucker!"
 Shaggy noticed at that moment that Fred had an errection.
 "Is that a monster in your pocket or are you just glad to see me?" he asked.
 Fred blushed, but undid his pants to reveal his 9" schlong.
 "You might call it a `monster'." Fred said with an arrogant sneer.
Shaggy cackled. "Hahaha.. I've seen bigger cocks on armadillos. Check THIS
out." He undid his pants. Fred was amazed to see that Shaggy's cock was a
good 15" long. He gasped then recovered.
 "I normally only fuck girls, but I've been known to give a ride...from time
to time." Fred said, trying to sound innocent.
 Shaggy grinned. "Bend over, bitch. I'm gonna ride you like a steer!"
Scooby watched as Shaggy mounted Fred and fucked him like a woman. 
He noticed something down the corridor and cuffed Shaggy on the shoulder.
 "Not now, Scoobs; I'm about to come." Shaggy said.
Scooby cuffed him again, harder this time.
 "Damnitt, Scobby! I just did you last night!" Shaggy exclaimed.
Suddenly there was a noise to their right: "Whhhoooooo!!!! Mmmmmmmmm!!"
Both Shaggy and Fred turned their heads to see a ghostly figure of a man
with a HUGE strap-on dildo. His face was demonic and he smelled terrible.
 "Like ZOINKS! It's the ghost!!" Shaggy said, pulling out and zipping.
"Let's get out of here!!" Fred yelled even as he jumped up and pulled up
his pants. 
 The three of them ran down a hall and then down a flight of stairs.
"That was close." Shaggy said.
"Yeah, the ghost almost got us." Fred agreed.
Shaggy shook his head. "No, I mean I was close to cumming."

In another part of the Monastery, Thelma and Daphne were walking down a
stone corridor. They had already covered the first floor and the basement
and were now in the sub-basement: a ancient system of stone tunnels that
had been constructed by the first Spaniards. The two girls hadn't seen
or heard anything out of the unusual the whole time. Finally they stopped
to rest in a room that had nothing in it but a huge wooden table. 
 "I'm tired of wandering around here." Daphne groaned, sitting down against
the wall. She unconsciously spread her legs and since she wasn't wearing
panties, her pink labia twinkled in the light of the flashlight that Thelma
held. Thelma set the flashlight down and sat beside her.
 "I know it's boring, but we've gotta find some clues." She said.
 "Why couldn't I have gone with Fred?" Daphne asked, "I'm soo horny."
Thelma replied by puttin her hand on Daphne's leg and stroking it. Daphne
looked amazed but she didn't resist. Thelma took her hand and pulled her to
their feet. "Lie down on the table." she commanded.
 Daphne lay down and then propped herself up on her elbows. "Are you a dyke?" 
she asked.
 Thelma took off her glasses and licked her lips. "Hell no! I still love cock 
but Shaggy's is just too damn big and Fred knows about as much about 
pussy as Scooby knows about the Internet." She paused. "Besides, I know you
want me to eat you out, don't you??"
 Daphne laughed. "Hell yes! You're right about Fred: he doesn't know the
difference in labia minora and Canis Lupis!" She spead her legs wide.
 Thelma nestled her face in Daphne's red-haired crotch and began to lick up
and down her pussy with long strokes of her tongue. Daphne moaned invitingly
as Thelma licked and sucked her damp pussy. Then, suddenly, she stopped.
 "Uhhh! Why did you stop??" Daphne moaned.
 "I want you to beg for it."
 Daphne tried to wriggle herself closer to Thelma's mouth. "Please lick my
pussy! Eat me! Eat my hot pussy!"
 "Call me master, slutchild."
 "Please, Master! Please make me cum in your mouth!"
 Thelma complied by thrusting her pink tongue deep inside Daphne's love tunnel.
 Daphne bucked on the table, moaning loudly. She came violently when
Thelma began to suck on her clit: "OH FUCKIN YEAH!!!! EAT ME THELMA!!!"
Then again and again. Finally she colapsed on the table. Thelma climbed up
on the table and straddled Daphne's face with her legs. Daphne smiled at
her and then nestled her mouth against Thelma's dripping wet pussy. After
riding Daphne's face for a while Thelma came, yelling, "Scooby-FUCKING-doo!!!"
Then she lay down next to Daphne and began to lick her own juices      
off of Daphne's face and ended up kissing her. 
 "I thought only Scooby said that." Daphne said, pulling some pubic hair out
of her teeth.
 "Where do you think he picked it up from?" Thelma said with a grin.
 Daphne laughed. "You're a twisted bitch."
 "You got that right. Mmmm.. Your so hot. We're going to have to do this
again." Thelma replied. Daphne nodded with a grin.
  The two girls got up, a bit shakily, and picked up the flashlight and
then headed for the door.
 
	About twenty minutes later, they ran into the rest of the gang.
 "Like, man, are we glad to see you!" Shaggy said.
 "Yeah!" Fred said, "we ran into the ghost!"
 "Oh..." Thelma said, convertly eyeing a smirking Daphne, "..we didn't see
anything interesting."
 "What did it look like?" Daphne asked.
 "Real fucking ugly. And he smelled like mouse turds." Shaggy said.
 "And he had a huge strap-on dildo." Fred put in.
 Thelma shook her head. "You sure about that or just fantasizing?"
Fred bristled. "Are you calling me a liar??"
 "Well, I know that you're a closet bisexual and with you, anything
is possible." Thelma said. From behind Fred, Daphne winked at her.
 "Oh yeah? --Well, who was fucking the Witch Doctor that we were susposed to
capture during the last case?? Huh???! --Answer me that!" Fred said.
 Thelma shrugged. "I liked his magic wand."
 "You'd lick your own twat if you were double-jointed." Fred responded.
Daphne perked up. "Is that possible?" she said with wide, eager eyes.
 "Only if you're a freak." Shaggy commented. He was looking around nervously.
 Then he said, "Look you fuckers, I know you probably want to compare 
fuck-scars, but I want to get out of this fucking place, so let's find 
some goddamn clues."
 "You got that right!" Fred said, lapsing into `leader' mode.
He motioned to the rest of them: "Let's go and find Father Joyboy. Maybe he
can give us some more answers." And with that he led off down the corridor.
 Daphne lingered behind and asked Thelma, "Is it really possible to lick 
your own pussy?"
 Thelma grinned. "You'll never know till you try."

Twenty minutes later, they had made their way back to the central room that
they began in. Once again, Daphne made her way to the stone cross and it's
stone errection. She deep-throated it once to see how much she could take.
 The whole thing fit in her mouth and she stopped and grinned.
 "If Christ was hanging on that cross, he'd be loving it." Fred said.
"More than you know." Thelma muttered under her breath, looking hungrily at
Daphne's firm legs encased in her traditional fishnet stockings.
 "Huh?" Fred asked.
 "Nevermind." Thelma said, forcing herself to look away from the red-haired 
sexpot.
 "Hey..Look at this!" Shaggy said from the hallway. They crowded around him.
"Yeah! There are skidmarks on the floor." Fred commented.
 "Just like on your mother's stomach." Thelma said wryly.
 "Fucking snatch." Fred muttered, under his breath.
 "Jeenkies. If the ghost was standing here, he'd have to have been wearing
shoes." Thelma commented.
 "And *modern shoes*." Fred said, "They didn't start putting rubber on shoes
until 1925."
 "You're a real goldmine of useless information." Shaggy said.
"Scooby-fucking-doo!" Scooby crooned.
"Awww, fuck you." Fred said, going to the door and holding it open.
The group was about to pile out, but the ghost appeared in the doorway.
"WHOOOOOOO!!! MMMMmmmmmmm!!!" 
"Fuck me!" Fred yelped, running back.
"WHOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! mmmMMMMM!!"
"Like, let's get the righteous fuck out of here!!" Shaggy yelled.
"You got that right!" Thelma said, leading the way.
The group ran down the left corridor, pursued by the ghost.
"Like, down the stairs!" Shaggy said, pointing the way. They eagerly
 complied running past him so fast that Fred stomped on his shoes.
"Fucking shit!" Shaggy said, hopping about in pain.
The ghost ran up to him. "WHOOOOOOOO!!!"
"Fuck you, cocksucker!" Shaggy said, belting him in the gut before he ran 
down the stairs.
When he got to the bottom, the rest of the bunch were no where to be seen.
Shaggy looked around the room. It contained a bunch of huge pots with lids.
He ran to one of them and lifted the lid, looking for a place to hide.
Thelma looked up at him: "Try another one, fuckface."
Shaggy resisted the urge to spit on her. He slammed the lid down and lifted
another. It was empty and he jumped into it.
 He could hear footsteps and then: "WHOOOOO!! MMMMmmmm!" Like most times
when Shaggy was scared, he began rubbing his crotch. After a while, it felt
so good that he couldn't stop. He let out a long sigh of pleasure.
 Instantly, the lid of the pot was lifted off and the ghost looked in.
"Like, fuck!" Shaggy said, but he gave his rod a final pump and it spewed
jizz all over the face of the ghost. The ghost jumped back with an angry
roar trying to wipe the sticky load from his face. Shaggy wasted no time in
jumping up and yelling, "Let's make like a tree and get out of here!!"
 Everyone else sprang up, sending the lids crashing to the floor. The ghost
was running around in circles trying to wipe Shaggy's load off of his face.
 "C'mon! Let's book!!" Fred yelled and led the way.
The group took off down a hallway, following the beam of Fred's flashlight.
After five minutes they colapsed, exhausted, in a room whose door they 
bolted shut.
 "Shit, what the hell happened??" Daphne wheezed, out of breath.
 "I slimed him!" Shaggy said with a laugh.
 "Huh?"
 Thelma smiled wryly. "Shaggy gave him a jizz delivery."
 "Can't you keep your hands off your cock for five seconds?!" Fred demanded.
 "Aww..look who's talking!" Shaggy retorted, "Fearless Fred and his Five
Fingers!"
 "I don't have to jack my meat; I've *got* a girl!" Fred yelled.
 "Not anymore.." Daphne said.
 "What??!"
 "She likes my pussy more than your droopy dong." Thelma smiled.
 "You fish-eating bitch!" Fred yelled at her, "I knew I should've left you
at the last truck stop!"
 "Put a sock in it, shitface. You want the ghost to find us??" Thelma said.
 They were silent for a while. Then Fred cocked his ear, "You hear somthing?"
 Shaggy grunted. "It's just Scooby licking his balls again."
 Sure enough, Scooby was laying in the corner licking his rod.
 "Scooby! Cut that out!" Fred said, sternly.
 "Scooby-fuck-you-dooo!" Scooby said, ignoring him.
 SLURP!!
 SLOBBER!!
 SLURP!!
 "Goddamn, Scoobs, you *are* loud." Shaggy said.
 "That's not Scooby." Thelma said in a shaky voice.
 "Huh?" Shaggy asked. He looked and saw Scooby sitting next to him.
 "Then who...?" he asked.
 Everyone turned to see that the ghost was eating out Daphne, only ten feet
away.
 "LIKE, IT'S THE GHOST!!!" Shaggy yelled, jumping to his feet.
 "Mmmmmmmmmm...Oooh yeah!" Daphne moaned.
 "RUN!!" Fred yelled, grabbing Daphne and pulling her to her feet.
 "WHHHHOOOOOoooooo!!!! MMMMMmmmmmmm!!!" The ghost roared angrily.
 "Uhhh! I was going to come again!!" Daphne complained, as she ran.
 They ran down a hallway with the ghost chasing them.
 Thelma grabbed Fred and Daphne, ran for a door, then slammed it shut.
  "Like, shit!" Shaggy said, "I guess it's just you and me, Scoobs."
 He turned to find that Scooby was bent over the ghost, giving him the meat.
 "You whore!" Shaggy exclaimed. Then he banged on the door, "Open up! Shaggy's
 got the ghost!!"
 The other three piled out. Fred grabbed some rope, which was convieiently
nearby, and tied up the ghost just as Scooby blew his wad.
 
Father Joyboy stood before them in the sanctuary of the monastery with Sherrif
Clitoris who had the hood of his pink raincoat up. The group stood
around the `ghost'. Shaggy pulled off his mask.
 "Brother Vulva!!" Everyone chorused.
 "You buncha fucks! I'd like to ring your necks like a chicken!!" Brother Vulva 
said angrily.
 "You can't solve all your problems in life by choking your chicken." Thelma 
told him with a grin.
 "Why did he do it??" Father Joyboy asked.
 Fred spoke up: "Brother Vulva heard about the Mystical Vibrator and, like
 every other good Catholic, wanted to stick it up his ass. He knew it was here,
 somewhere, but needed to get everyone out of the way so he could find it."
 "That's why he pepetuated the story of the curse." Daphne put in.
 "He knew that he'd eventually find the Mystical Vibrator so he kept up the ruse
 that he had been sent by the Pope. He knew you were too gulible to check his
 credentials." Thelma said.
 "I BEG YOUR PARDON!!" Father Joyboy said.
 "Like, she's right." Shaggy said, "All those years of molesting choir boys has
 made you a sucker."
 "Anyhow," Fred continued, "we saw some skidmarks that the ghost's shoes made.
 Then we realized we were dealing with a real person."
 "How did you catch him?" Sheriff Clitoris wanted to know.
 "Scooby did that." Thelma said. "Brother Vulva, like mosts priests, couldn't
 turn down a chance to be butt-fucked."
 "Scooby-fucking-doooo!!" Scooby crooned.
 "I would have gotten away with it if it hadn't been for you meddling shits and
 that fucking mutt." Brother Vulva said.
 "The only thing you're going to be getting away with from now on is swallowing 
your cellmate's cum." Sheriff Clitoris announced, taking him away.
 When they left, the group went back to the sanctuary of the monastery.
 "But one thing I don't understand is: where is the Mystical Vibrator?" 
Father Joyboy asked.
 "Right here." Daphne said. She walked to the cross and hit the stone errection
 with a hammer. The stone cracked away and there was the Mystical Vibrator of
Mary, gleaming with ivory and jeweled ribbing. Daphne took it and stuck it deep 
into her moist snatch. At once there was a light from the heavens and a heavenly 
choir of voices. 
 "Uuuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhgggggggg!! Oh YES! JESUS CHRIST!!!" Daphne moaned, 
cumming instantly.
 "I think Daphne just had a `religious experience'!" Fred said and they all began 
laughing like maniacs...
---------------------------------------------------------------------------

The Mystery of The Mystical Vibrator 
by Mirage [email protected]

The Mirage Institute II
http://members.tripod.com/~tzimisce69/index.html