'Twas the year before elections, and all through Georgia State,
Not a right-winger was sleeping, dwindling in their hate.
They needed a true jerk to represent their hovel,
Somebody who'd scream and somebody who'd grovel.

The Newt heard this news, even in the depts of his cave,
Hearing about the need of one to rant and to rave.
He emerged from the hole, and gave it some thought,
Was this the opportunity he'd so long now sought?

A chance to take over the world one and all?
A chance to make every open-minded one fall?
Those in this certain district, they yelled for his type,
Yes! The moment was here and it was still ripe!

He bounded from his cave and skipped to all the towns,
Plugged his new "rightous policies" and there were no frowns.
Those in his district, they cheered with effection,
and elected The Newt in the next election.

The Newt was just thrilled, like crazy you see,
He now had some power! Oh whoop-diddly-dee!
He entered the house, as soon as he got,
And soon enough he hatched another plot!

"I'll befreind all the 'publicans, and make idea after idea,
even if they're so hidious they cause diarrhea!
They'll call me incisive, they'll call me the best,
Then I'll lay my egg in this big crooked nest!"

And do so he did, each year after year,
planting eggs in his nests and mustering fear.
The 'publicans loved him, they said he was great,
They made him the leader of their army of hate.

Then came that day, in Novermber '94,
When they 'publicans took the house, and The Newt took the floor.
That Newt, he rubbed his hands with great amount of glee,
"At last I'm near there, for all of us to see!"

He was more happier than happy, for his job was now to,
Unleesh his massive force for all to bow down to!
After all, they were the ones with all of the loot,
The GOP was now the Knights who say "Newt"!

"I'll rule with an iron hand, and always get my way,
Those damn lousy democrats will lick my boots each day!
And after I've layed all my fears and my hates,
They'll make me KING of the United States!"

So when Newt got in power, and began injecting his fears,
he expected "Hurrahs", but instead got jeers!
"What's this!?"The newt bellowed,"Who dares defy me?
I'm the Speaker now, the one and only!"

He whined and he screamed, trying to reach his crown,
he threw all his insults and shut the government down!
He gathered his mud, and let it all fly,
But none of it worked, he yelled,"Why Why WHY!?"

Uh-oh, election '96 was coming near,
Now it was HIS turn to feel all that fear.
"I need a new plan! I need more cash!
If I don't get in gear now, I'll get a rash!"

He pondered and puzzled, he thought and he thunk,
until he came up with an idea that really stunk.
"I whip up a false charity, and name it after Abe Lincoln!
Then rake in the dough and do some major drinkin!"

And The Newt won his election, and got what he sought,
until one fatal day, egads he was cought!
"Oh what can I do? Oh what can I say?
I know, I'll apologize, and I'll still get my way!"

So The Newt apologized, and the Knights all forgave him,
The Newt had his craftiness right there to save him.
But this shall be continued, this amazing tale,
We have yet to see, the force of the gale...

Sinistral, 1997