Back in the days of Old Gerald Ford,
The 'publicans put to use a plan they had stored.
They dug through a warehouse and found an old box,
Latched up and patched up with one-hundred locks.

They got the box open, after much work and sweat,
and dragged out it's contents with an old fishing net.
They read the label, ontop of the heap,
then pushed the red button, making it leap.

"Hello, My name is The Robo-Dole,"
it said as it tore up the entire net whole.
"I'll do as you say, and at your very que,
Robo-Dole will obey you and just you."

They put him to use, in less than a jiffy.
They dusted him off and made him look spiffy.
They gave Robo-Dole to Ford so he could run,
But alas, that year, Jimmy Carter had won.

So they put Robo-Dole back, in the dusty old box,
which they threw in a pile of Tom Dewey's old socks.
Two decades passed, and Robo-Dole was let be,
until one fatal day, Robo-Dole broke free!

Robo-Dole stomped to Washington, eyes gleaming red,
smoke rose from every open hole in his head.
His eyeballs shot lasers, as he blasted his way,
and cought much attention, and he did say:

"Robo-Dole's tired of waiting, I'm rested.
Robo-Dole has been tested and tested.
Robo-Dole's here to run, to take charge,
Robo-Dole is not small, I am now large!"

"Look at your leaders, they're nothing but jerks,
Pat Buchanan has but a-million quirks.
The Newt is confused, and freightened I say,
Robo-Dole's here and he's here to stay."

And with that attack of third-person talking,
Robo-Dole began his Primary stalking.
He concoured the wealth of the almighty Steve,
He trampled Buchanan and spit on his sleave.

Lamar Alexander stood shaken, then ran,
He made Phil Gramm go hide in the can.
Bob Dornan spit at him, so he was made dust,
And still Alan Keyes couldn't make Robo-Dole bust.

"Robo-Dole shall now lead our 'Publican force,"
Robo-Dole cheered, scaring a horse.
"Show Robo-Dole who's next, I can take all,
Robo-Dole's rolling, he will not stall!"

His challanger came, called Bubba the Huge,
Robo-Dole leaped up to take on the deluge.
He fired his laser, and threw a grenade,
He blew out a smoke cloud and spit a sharp blade.

Bubba used the laser to fry roast ham,
He cought the grenade and tossed it to Phil Gramm.
He inhaled the smoke, and blew it all back,
He ducked the sharp blade. Robo-Dole blew his stack!

"Why won't you go down!?"Robo-Dole fumed.
"Why don't you succumb!?"Robo-Dole boomed.
Bubba just smiled, and scratched his gray hair,
Patted Robo-Dole's back and pulled up a chair.

"You're going about this, in every way wrong,
The people, they like the modest but strong.
You can't fire lasers and spew out a fog,
The people will always favor the underdog."

"They love to help a man when he's down,
attacking over and over makes them want to frown.
Sorry Robo-Dole, but it's real far from cute,
I'm gonna win in this here dispute!"

And Bubba did win, and Robo-Dole lost,
The 'Publicans perhaps over too many lines, crossed.
But Robo-Dole won't go back in his box,
Not in that place with all of Tom Dewey's old socks.

Instead he found a human-like home,
he shut off his weapons, and bought a garden gnome.
He smiled and sat, alone in his new place,
His circuits were tired, after his long, long race.

He sat in the background, and gathered his loot,
his programing told him he should help The Newt.
So Robo-Dole sat back, and let history fly,
after all, he had a feeling, his brain wouldn't die.