Santa Claus, A.K.A Saint Nick, Father Chrismas and Kris Kringle, was caught red-handed accepting a bribe from Republican officials last-night in the mens-room of the Capitol Building. Invesigators so far believe that the money was to ensure that only the children of Republicans get presents from the Christmas Icon this year, hence hopefully scoring a good deal of conversions to the Republican Party.
Mr. Claus denies all claims,"I really had no plans of the sort, Senator Hatch was simply showing his gratitude for all the gifts I gave his family in 1997. Really."
Santa Claus' links with the Republican party are historic. Though it's commonly believed that he gives presents to eveybody good, study reveals that not only do children of wealthy parents get more extravagant gifts in higher abundance, good or bad, but only if they're Christian as well. Animal Rights Activists, hava often criticized Mr. Claus for his cruel mistreatment of Reindeer. Santa Claus is also guilty of such crimes as entering the country without a pass-port, keeping elfin slave-labor, Breaking and entering, property damage (In 1993 he stopped to rest on the sofa of someone he was delivering gifts to and it broke beucase it could not handle his weight.) and escaping from prison, (He was once successfully imprisoned in the North-East European Area by one Burgermeister Meisterburger, but he wasn't held very long).
Republicans believed to be involved with this feindish act are also denying it was ever intended. They say they have absolutely no intention of imposing their morality on those that aren't alligned with their party.
Many remain skeptical.
Sinistral, 1998
This has been, yet another peice of Holy Crap!
