If you read the web arguments and statements involving Vice President Al Gore from the kookier Conservatives, you'll note that they often write his name as one word: Algore. I still have yet to find the humor in this joke. I've read up on it, to no surprise this un-funny gag is the product of Rush Limbaugh, once used in a skit depicting Al Gore as a snivling "Igor" type character. I can understand how "Algore" could be used in a humorous sense in that one skit, but using it as a common place reference to the man in situations that have nothing to do with that skit, it makes absolutely no sense and the gag is long lost.
You'd think the users of "Algore" would notice that, but they haven't, so in order to counter their bizarre sense of "humor" I've taken their second most powerful government man, and made him into what they made Al Gore... everybody meet Dickarmey.
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Ask people what a "Dickarmey" is and unfortunately allot of people will think about a troop of you-know-whats marching to battle. Ask people who "Dickarmey" is and they'll say "Oh! Dick Armey! That republican in the house..." People don't seem to know allot about Dick Armey (Or "Dickarmey"), which is a shame, in politics he has allot of influence and a fair deal of power, being that he's the house-majority leader. I've decided to provide some info on Dikarmey for those who may be curious.
*Barney Fag!*
One of Dickarmey's most renowned blunders is his "mistaken" reference to openly gay congressman, Barney Frank, as "Barney Fag". He claims it was a mistake, but I've never heard of somebody cooking a BBQ yelling out, "Hey! Anybody want a fag-feuter?" I've never heard of somebody trying to be honest with another person saying,"Look, let me be fag about this." I can't recall any "Frank" I've ever met being refered to as "Fag". TV's Frank from the older Mystery Science Theater 3000 shows was never mistakenly refered to as "TV's Fag."
I think we all know what Dickamrey really meant.
*Stupider Than a Retarded Janitor*
One story, that's always been close to Dickarmey's heart, has been the story of Charlie, the mentally-disabled, yet lovable, janitor. The story is a heart-warming one that shows us all how Eeeeevil a minimum wage is. You see, Dickarmey, during his time as a professor at Wooten Hall, met Charlie, and he and many other professors in the building took a liking to the man, after all he "loved his job." Then in 1977, when the minimum wage was raised, Charlie vanished. Some time later Dickarmey bumped into Charlie at a grocery store with his family buying things with food stamps. The minimum wage raise had costed Charlie his job, qouth Dickarmey:"and my heart's been broken about it ever since."
The problem: Four professors who worked at Wooten Hall while Dickarmey did: Yeric, Dugger, Garrett and Danielson, said they couldn't recall any janitor named Charlie. Alfred Hurley, chancellor for what is now the University of North Texas, said,"I'm not sure what he meant by that. Janitors at the school are state employees . . . the minimum wage is not applicable in their case.
In response to this, the only thing Dickarmey could find to say was,"People at the University didn't get it. It's not unusual for professors not to get it."
Yeah, I'm sure.
*The Invisable Foot*
Dickarmey's word for how government is being used is "The invible foot". His desire is to amputate that foot and replace it with a cheap wooden peg made in Taiwan, though he hasn't said it. Dickarmey has always been the biggest government-hate-spewer of the republican leadership, except for the barely possible exception of Tom DeLay.
The perfect veiw of what's wrong with the furthest right, he spits out made up stories like the one above to try and justify his more irrational veiws. He's often pushed on Gingrich to show more favoritism toward the Christian Coalition. He pushed Gingrich to add the School Prayer amendment to the already nutty enough "Contract with America". Doing the tactical big- government hypocritical twist on only putting the government intervension where he wanted.
Newt has been the politician and Dickarmey has been the activist. But I have to say that Dickarmey is more dangerous, more radical and more destructive than Newt. If The Newt does loose the Speakership, lets pray Dickarmey is not the replacement.
*Flat in Your Face Tax*
Then, of course, there's the humbly named "Dickarmey Flat-tax," his flat plan that's supposed to be "fair." Though last I checked "fair" didn't mean raising poor peoples' taxes and cutting rich peoples'. This has been another policy Dickarmey has been pushing to get passed desperately. This policy, of course, is heavily favored by all wealthy families, just like the Steve Forbes flat- tax.
Also, keep in mind, Dickarmey's flat tax is based completely on salary. So salary money is taxed, but say, money from investments don't. Real fair, eh?*In Conclusion*
Okay, so maybe Dickarmey is a bigot, a liar, a hypocrite, The works behind the worst aspect of the "Contract with America" and wants to lighten the tax burden on the rich while making it harder on the poor. He can't be much worse, right? Despite everything I didn't even bother to mention, like his hostile attitude toward the environment... Oh... enough already.
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How to freak people out:
1)Find a nice crowded place surrounded by strangers you'd never care to meet anyway and aren't crazy enough to attempt to hurt you badly.
2)Take a deep breath and look directly sky-wards.
3)Scream at the top of your lungs "DICKARMEY!!!"
4)Act like nothing happened.
Sinistral, 1997
