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Then one day, the young prince Hitler went for an interview at an art school. There at the school a mean old JEW interviewed him for admission. Hitler told the mean old JEW that he felt that anyone who painted the sky green and the grass blue should be euthanized. The JEW, because he was a Communist did not like the truth that young Hitler told him. So when Hitler asked the JEW, "Who's the best painter of them all?", the JEW responded, "It ain't you, Heir Hitler. Have you ever thought about quitting art and going into politics or something?"
And so young prince Hitler fled the COMMUNIST JEWS to a country called Germany. And there, in Germany he came upon a small, abandoned home.
The house was a wreck. Everything was a mess. And worst of all, the model trains weren't running on time. So Prince Adolf set about cleaning up the house and making it spick and span. And when he was done, he felt sleepy so he lay down to take a nap.
When Adolf awoke, he found himself surrounded by seven tiny little men -- Seven German Dwarves!
The dwarves introduced themselves to him as Jewie, Commie, Nutty, Oldie, Gypsy, Catholic, and Cripple. And in addition to the dwarves, there was a tall, blond Aryan man named German who Hitler admired very much.
Well, the dwarves were so taken with Hitler that they immediately voted him Chancellor of their home. They sang, they danced, they marched, and they made wonderful films about olympic sports, even though they got their collective asses kicked by a bunch of Negroes.
Hitler especially enjoyed watching little boys in uniform marching. He wanted to see his little Aryan children marching all over the world, so Prince Hitler came up with a plan.
One night, while the Dwarves were asleep, Prince Hitler set fire to German's bed. Luckily, German, the tall blond Aryan man was out somewhere marching and was not hurt.
The Dwarves awoke to see the smoke and flames and they were outraged. "Who set fire to German's bed?" they demanded.
"It was Commie who did it!" Shouted Hitler. "Commie did it and he must be sent to Madagascar!"
And so Hitler had Commie re-settled to Madagascar which apparently meant a shallow grave in the woods.
"Look at what happened to our house because of what Commie did," complained Hitler. "We must prevent this from ever happening again. Will you Dwarves -- Jewie, Nutty, Oldie, Gypsy, Catholic, and Cripple. and you, beautiful Aryan man named German -- grant me emergency powers of dictatorship to end this crisis brought about by Commie and his fellow conspirators?"
And so the Dwarves said yes, and there was much singing, dancing, and marching.
The next night Hitler noticed that Nutty was having trouble fitting into the home. He asked the rest of the dwarves permission to have Nutty sent somewhere to receive "special treatment." The rest of the dwarves agreed, and Nutty was sent to the best Mental Hospital in all the land where new treatments were being invented. The latest treatment involved the innovative use of carbon monoxide from diesel engines. Nutty was led into a sealed room with many other sick people and forced to inhale the therapeutic vapors until they were all cured.
After Nutty and his fellow patients were cured of their mental illnesses, they were all cremated and sent home to their families in little wooden boxes. Now cured of their illness, they fit nicely into their homes -- usually on the mantelpiece.
The next day, Hitler noticed that Oldie was having trouble marching as fast as the rest of the Dwarves. "Oldie, " said Hitler, "You seem tired. Perhaps you would enjoy going someplace where you can have a nice, long rest." Oldie protested, bit Hitler, German, and the Dwarves insisted that Oldie be sent away.
And so Oldie went to a place where many other old people were being treated with a new therapy. This therapy restored their vigor and returned a rosie glow to their cheeks. This new therapy was called "Carbon Monoxide Therapy" and aside from the fact that it was fatal, it was a sure way to cure the Old people.
And so Oldie came back home, cremated, in a small wooden box. The Dwarves placed Oldie on the mantel beside Nutty, across from a window where they could see Commie's shallow grave.
The next day Cripple was having trouble goose-stepping with the rest of the Dwarves. So Hitler asked German and the Dwarves if Cripple could be sent away for "Special Treatment."
The Dwarves sent Cripple away to a hospital. There were many other crippled people in the hospital, and they were all being treated with the new Carbon Monoxide therapy. Unfortunately, the therapy did not work and Cripple was cremated and sent home in a small, wooden box. And so Cripple was placed on the mantelpiece beside Nutty and Oldie, across from a window where they could see Commie's shallow grave.
A few days went by and the Dwarves started complaining that they were having problems with money and power. Hitler told the Dwarves that this was because Jewie had taken all their money. So the Dwarves got up in the middle of the night, and threw rocks at Jewie. German and the Dwarves decided that they would no longer do business with Jewie anymore. They confiscated his belongings, burned down his store, censored his books and music, and sent Jewie away to be "re-settled."
And so Jewie was forced into a cattle car on a train to make a long journey with many other Jews. By the time they reached their destination, many of the Jews on the train had died. They were removed from the train and forced into two lines. The people in the line on the right were sent away to labor and starve until most of them died. The line on the left was to be treated with a new therapy called "Zyclone B." This new therapy would cure them of their Jewishness, but unfortunately killed them in the process. Eventually, they would be re-settled into ovens that would burn them up, or into mass graves filled with corpses.
So Hitler and his Aryan friend German visited many countries like Austria, Poland, and France. Meanwhile, back home, Catholic and Gypsy were also treated with Zyclone B and re-settled up a smokestack. Hitler and German re-settled as many Jews, Catholics, Cripples, Elderly, Mentally ill people and Gypsies as they could find in each country they visited. If they came across someone they didn't like, they decided he was a Communist and they re-settled him. If someone's neighbors didn't like someone, he too became a Communist to be re-settled. And most of these people were re-settled to mass graves or into the air through smokestacks.
And then one day a group of foreign Kings appeared on the horizon. They called themselves The Allies. They told Hitler that they didn't mind what he was doing to the Jews, but that the rest of it would have to stop. These kings were tired of all the Jews trying to run away from Hitler into their own countries. The Allied Kings turned away as many Jews as they could, and many of them were eventually caught and killed by Hitler. The Allied Kings told Hitler to stop invading other countries or they would huff, they would puff, they would BLOW his house down.
But Hitler continued on through Europe and Africa, where he encountered a dwarf named Blackie and exposed him to a new treatment called the "Panzer Division."
And so the Allies destroyed Hitler. They punished Hitler's friend German. They freed the remaining Dwarves and pretended they did not know what had been happening to them, just as millions of Germans pretended they did not know what was happening in their own back yards.
And so the people to this day live happily ever after. And if you visit Germany today, people will smile at you unless you look obviously different from them. The Germans will be helpful to you unless you ask directions to a former concentration camp. And the Germans will deal harshly with you if try and incite hatred of the dwarves -- but they will still let you keep your passport and release you on bail so you can escape. And the Germans will still pretend not to have ever known what happened.
The End
-- Ernst Zundel
My right to free speech supersedes your right to exist.
Not the real Zundel! This is a pseudo-Ernst Zundel posting from AOL.
This is humor, folks. I am not a White Supremacist or a Skinhead.
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