Clinton/Gone 97


Top Ten Lessons of the First Week of September


09 September 1997

DISCLAIMER: Relating to the tragic events of the first week of September, 1997, as webmaster of the Willie Wipes homepage, I must somberly inform my friends and readers that:

  1. You can go ahead and record over those videotapes; I was unable to make an appearance at Princess Diana's services.

  2. I have refused all offers to purchase leaked police or paparazzi photos of the accident scene;

  3. When obtaining photographs for this web site, I will henceforth observe a 20-foot 'moving bubble' around all celebrities and 50 feet around the co-presidents;

  4. I renew my promise not to break any traffic laws in the pursuit of contact with celebrities;

  5. I will immediately remove any hidden cameras I have installed in White House bedrooms;

  6. When drunk, I will refuse to chauffer any high-profile personalities (employees of the current White House excepted);

  7. I have written my congresspersons, requesting a federal version of Louisiana's new shoot-the-carjacker law, with an appropriate extension to include paparazzi;

  8. The Willie Wipes web site has been designated a Diana-Free Zone;

  9. I will wear my seat belt;

  10. Having just recovered from a broken nose, I advise against sharing these lessonss with any Diana fans.

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Copyright 1997 Richard Wheeler

No, Grossanne, I will not work for you, even if you e-mail me at:
[email protected].

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