IM A JEW

It's hard to be a jew on Christmas. My Friends won't let me join in any games.

And I can't sing Christmas songs. Or decorate a Christmas Tree. Or leave water out for Rudolph cause there's something wrong with me.

My people don't believe in Jesus Christ's divinity. I'm a lonely Jew on Christmas. Hannakah is nice, but why is it that Santa passes over my house every year?

And instead of eating ham, I have to eat Kosher Lahke. Instead of "Silent Night" I'm singing "Hu, Hach, do hachvi".

And what the fuck is up with lighting all these fucking candles, tell me please. I'm a Jew, a lonely Jew- I'd be merry but I'm Hebrew. On Christmas...

KYLE MOM IS A STUPID BITCH

Well, Kyle's mom's a bitch, she's a big fat bitch, she's the biggest bitch in the whole wide world.

She's a stupid bitch if there ever was a bitch. She's a bitch to all the boys and girls.

Monday she's a bitch. On Tuesdays she's a bitch and Wednesday through Saturday, she's a bitch. Then on Sunday, just to be different ,she's a super King Kong, Maya-maya bitch.

Have you ever met my friend Kyle's mom? She's the biggest bitch in the whole wide world. She's a mean old bitch and has stupid hair. She's a bitch. Because she's a stupid bitch. Kyle's mom's a bitch and she does the dirty deed. Kyle's mom is a bitch. Ahhhhhhhhhhh.

MR. HANKEY THE CHRISTMAS POO

Mr Hankey the Christmas Poo

He loves me, I love you

Therefore, vicariously, he loves you

Even if you're a Jew

sometimes he's nutty, sometimes he's corny

He can be brown or greenish brown

So eat your fibre in Christmas eve

And he might come to your town!