Tomorrow happens to be a reminder of two of the worst days I've ever had. The first one was in 1999; the second in 2002. The first - I was in the US Navy at the time - came during a very down period in my life. I'd pretty much given up on life since it was not going very well. Between the drudgery that is mil service, being considered out of shape (though I could do a PRT better than 90% of my Navy counterparts) and lost paperwork that resulted in starting over on a OCS (Officer Candidate School) request, I had come to a bad crossroads. I was narcissitic about it, though if anyone would have communicated with me about these things I might have been far different.

After moving from Great Lakes, IL to Virginia Beach, VA, the elements around me were far different. The living quarters were appalling by mil standards. No discipline, or duty for that matter, and I was trying to become a better example (the OCS ap.) But I failed miserably, and wound up drinking far too much. Within two months, I was progressing to a steep depression which led to....you know 'The Rest of the Story.' (Forget the name of the reporter known for that by line.)

After a brief but dramatic upturn from mid-1999 to early 2001, after an honorable discharge from the military, I fell for a bad woman. (I wasn't a saint; but I wasn't the devil either.) By the end of 2001, I had been locked up for 7 months. Going into 2002, I was tired of being in holding (I wasn't convicted yet...) so, with little good advice from family or friends or a lawyer of any merit, I took a plea.

On March 6, I was given the end result and spent 16 more months inside. This isn't a total recount of the events, just an odd connection between two March 6ths, three years apart. I do hate reliving the past, but it haunts me everytime I apply for a job or meet a new person who actually takes interest in what I am or where I came from. (The reason why we tell the truth is it takes time to make up a lie.) Now, do I have much more to tell? Sure. We are not just a day or two in the life....though ONE DAY or TWO can change the course of events forever.

All and all, people judge you based on .1% or less of your time on Earth. That one day, or hour, or minute that changed the course of 'The Path' you were on. I've had a few course corrections, not for the good, and maybe I deserved them. (If you talked to the right(wrong) people, they would agree I deserve little...)

Another tactic seen is to take comments out of context or refuse to see what led to them. The new media does it daily. This applies to most of my bad behavior. I am a vocal and outspoken person. (Every idiot is...guess that explains me best.) But even an idiot or two has something inside their diatribes that actually rings true. (Or is later proven to be true.) But we rarely capture that later, so the idiot stays as catergorized.

When I look at my meager life now, I would do things much different. (AND I try to do that daily.)

Poor people don't get more chances to make mistakes like rich people. Once you make the wrong turn, you have to try 10-20-100 times harder to succeed. (And few actually succeed.) When I was 13-14 to 18 years old, I wanted to become a successful engineer and fix some problems in the world. I wanted the material things too - a nice vehicle, clean and unique house, a perky, intelligent woman in my life.

My mother and I lived in a $160/month one bedroom apt. with no insulation, poor plumbing and a beat up car out front. She slept in the living room. We made it through on her consignment shop job and my paper route, and later, dishwashing job. We wished for more; and I got into Purdue University through her assistance. (I thought the job in life was done - and did not go about it right.) I graduated with a 2.07 GPA and sold myself to LEAR corporation by luck. But money was still and always has been a problem. My dad thought a contact after his 9-year prison stay would be useful. (Apple-tree anyone?)

It wasn't. In 1997, I was 25 and lost in debt and mired in failures. The basic necessities were not there. A crappy studio, an overpriced car and no woman...(still haven't consummated a relationship.)

From two days, comes a lot of pain and reminders. My family has not been much besides my mother. But she isn't going well and never attained any success, just survival. She thinks survival, I think visionary and dreams. I am practical at moments, but..I desire bigger, better, more effective ways to meet our ends. It hasn't been a fun-filled ride. Mostly a free fall to lower and lower levels.

If you read this, you would say denial, it is your fault, stop blaming others, etc. (You a psychologist? Take your $200/hr and spend it elsewhere.) I realize I did live my life this way. I haven't mentioned many friends, because aside from Steve Servais (from Purdue days) I lacked them. He ditched me after 2001 - nine years of friendship down the drain. Others have come very rare or only want to talk if I am successful. (So that doesn't happen much since 2001.)

I made my mistakes/errors/habits due to my hangups from an early age. Oprah Winfrey/Dr. Phil show need only take my life as a blueprint to ratings. I got plenty more to tell.

The end result: who knows? As a convict, ne'er-do-well, struggler, the world mocks and laughs at me and countless others. (Oh, I have helped others: in prison, at CSI, at the Jaycees, Purdue and plenty more places. AND I did not expect something back - or maybe I did - but karma wasn't going around.) But that doesn't mean I could not do well, if the stars align. Guess we'll see soon enough.