Have we forgotten what is was like to be a Teenager ? We did not say those things because " We would have received a beating from our father?" Lets get REAL!
My mother said to me that I was a beautiful (dutiful) daughter until I turned 14yrs of age, then I had a mind of my own. Stress is possibly the reason why we become so super-sensitive to our Teenagers. It could be because we have just to much on the go and no "time" to deal with this day in day out.We have to work, pay the bills, keep appointments and so on. Then put in a Teen that developed a "mind of their own" and all of a sudden it is too much!
Lets get back to reality, the following things are normal:
- Putting off of homework
- Maintaining a messy room
- Putting off of chores
- Not completing chores
- Doing chores to their standards, not yours
- Church is out
- Wanting to get paid for chores
- Occasional bad grade in school
- Questioning their teachers
- Hating things, even so they loved it yesterday
- Hating people
- Not thanking people for gifts
- Don't want to be seen with you
- Never get enough gifts from you
- Wasting their Allowance on useless things
- Teasing their siblings without end
- Demanding independence by telling you how good other kids have it
- They get better clothes, stereos, cd's and so on.
Now all the above things deserve discipline to help them grow, but be careful not to be too severe in that. Most things have a logical consequence like: No chores - no allowance; messy room - no friends in; wasting money - they won't have any extra for that movie or CD; no homework - no Television, Phone, Nintendo; no thanking for gifts - tell them to return them.
Just stay calm, make it their problem, not yours.
Now there are real problems:
- Not keeping curfew
- Failing half their classes
- Skipping school
- Running away from home
- Messing with drugs
- Drinking under age
- Shoplifting
- Running with the wrong crowd
- Stealing from you
- Self-mutilation
- Crummy attitude
- Extreme verbal assault
- Physical assault
- and so on.
If you are HOT and HEAVY on a kid's case for everything, their attitude is:"Why try?"
For years I have been telling parents and foster parents, try to catch your child doing something good, do not police them!
Be a parent, not a friend to your child. They have many friends - but only one set of parents.
Should your child/teen fall in the second category, there are places that can help you and your Teen overcoming the hurdles into Adulthood.
