HUMOR Digest - 10 Jan 1999 to 11 Jan 1999
There are 6 messages totalling 188 lines in this issue.
 
Topics of the day:
 
  1. Movies
  2. Fairy Tales
  3. Dear Dr Ruth <adult theme>
  4. Southern English
  5. Indian Politicians <clean>
  6. Wad U Expect? ( adult)
 
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Date:    Sun, 10 Jan 1999 03:16:32 -0500
From:    Jim Moore Jr <jimjr@QIS.NET>
Subject: Movies
 
* The cost of movie making is out of control.  A lot of the
  epics these days have intermissions that cost 2-3 million.
                           - - - - -
 
* These days, when I hear "This picture was shot in Madrid (or
  wherever)..." I often wish they meant it literally.
                           - - - - -
 
* Speaking of shooting (I was) Hollywood's a town where they
  shoot entirely too many movies and not enuff actors.
                           - - - - -
 
* Mrs JimJr only enjoys the movies with a "Happy Ending". Even
  I gotta admit they stir-up some emotion in me.  I'm thrilled
  when they're finally over.
                           - - - - -
 
* In the days of what we now call "classic movies", actors
  and actresses had "parts".  Now, anyone willing to expose
  their parts can appear in the movies.
                           - - - - -
 
* In the 50's there was no system to rate movies, but admission
  was controlled none-the-less.  When they showed a porn film at
  the drive-in, even your car hadda be 18 years old to get in.
                           - - - - -
 
* Ever wonder why there're never any "sneak previews" of movies
  held in Boston.  They can't find enuff sneaks.  Washington DC
  screenings however, are always sold out months in advance.
                           - - - - -
 
* In the "credits" for a movie, you'll often see someone listed
  as an "Associate Producer".  Actually, they're the only ones
  who'll associate with the Producer.
 
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
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Date:    Sun, 10 Jan 1999 11:57:59 -0500
From:    Bill Stebbins <bs16@CORNELL.EDU>
Subject: Fairy Tales
 
The little girl had just listened to her mother's reading one of
her favorite fairy tales.
 
"Mommy," asked the child, "do all fairy tales begin with "Once
Upon a Time...?""
 
"No, dearest," replied the mother, "sometimes they start with
'Darling, I have to work a little late at the office tonight..."
 
 
http://www.people.cornell.edu/pages/bs16
http://members.xoom.com/bs16/
 
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Date:    Sun, 10 Jan 1999 13:20:35 -0500
From:    Artic <artic4life@MINDSPRING.COM>
Subject: Dear Dr Ruth <adult theme>
 
Dear Dr Ruth,
 
I'm writing to tell you my problem, It seems I have been married to
a sex maniac for the past 22 years.  He makes love to me regardless
of what I am doing; Ironing, Washing dishes, Sweeping, even doing
E-Mail on AOL, etc.  I would like to know if there is anything that
ucnn hlp m wth nd f unothel gothsl ehj fpslth fjsl;s;;o{O} .lp sld
mpskdli dlks; a;ld ;;' cinsely ous mdyl
isnt';dk...............................................
 
------------------------------
 
Date:    Sun, 10 Jan 1999 18:37:43 -0800
From:    Sue Birkenseer <Sue@CIRCUSPREPRESS.COM>
Subject: Southern English
 
Two tourists were driving through Louisiana. As they were
approaching Natchitoches, they started arguing about the
pronunciation of the town. They argued back and forth until
they stopped for lunch. As they stood at the counter, one tourist
asked the employee, "Before we order, could you please settle an
argument for us?  Would you please pronounce where we are...
very slowly?
 
The cashier leaned over the counter and said, "Burrrrrr, gerrrrr,
Kiiinnnggg."
 
          --from Katherine Boswell
 
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Date:    Mon, 11 Jan 1999 10:18:05 -0500
From:    Chalapathi Rao Poduri <chaps@TC4HQ.CMCLTD.COM>
Subject: Indian Politicians <clean>
 
An Indian politician came to the US to visit his counterpart. When
the senator invited him home for dinner, the  minister was very
impressed by the lavish mansion, grounds and the costly
furnishings. He asked "How can you afford all this on a meagre
senator's salary?" The sentaor smiled knowingly and took him to
the window. "Can you see the river?"
 
"Yes"
 
"Can you see the bridge over it?"
 
"Of course", said the minister.
 
"10 percent", said the senator smugly.
 
Some time later, he had occasion to pay a return visit. The Indian
minister lavished all hospitality on him. When he came to his
house,the Senator was stunned by the huge palace the minister had
built, glittering with precious art, hundreds of servants etc etc.
"How can you possibly afford this, on a salary in Rupees ?', he
asked. The minister called him to the window.
 
"See the river over there?"
 
"Sure", cried the senator.
 
"Can you see the bridge over it?"
 
The senator looked, was confused, peered closely and said - "No, I
don't see any bridge."
 
"100 percent", said the minister.
 
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Date:    Sun, 10 Jan 1999 23:08:43 -0600
From:    RANEBOUX <wett@GS.VERIO.NET>
Subject: Wad U EXPECT? ( adult)
 
An American was waiting on a London street corner. An attractive
English girl was passing by when a gust of wind blew her dress
above her waist.
 
"A bit airy..." remarked the American.
 
Hearing this, the Cockney girl replied indignantly, " 'ell yes!
What did you expect - feathers?!"
 
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End of HUMOR Digest - 10 Jan 1999 to 11 Jan 1999
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